Learn the wounding messages of each enneagram type and discover which one you have lived your life believing in.
Wounding messages are the thoughts that we have constantly playing in the back of our mind.
Each and every single person will develop a wounding message (sometimes called childhood wounds). We develop these very early on in childhood and they become an inner voice that keeps us from being free.
These (untrue!) wounding messages of each enneagram type are things that we either actually heard or things we perceived to be true as children.
A Note on Wounding Messages for Parents
Please realize that while wounding messages of each enneagram are usually derived from our parents or significant care givers, they may not have actually been inflicted by that adult.
Sometimes it is because the parent put that wound on their child but often times the parent didn’t do anything wrong and the child was just sensitive to that message and perceived it to be true.
You could be a 100% perfect parent and your child will still develop a wounding message.
Your goal is only to try to set them up for success and to help them see early on that those wounding messages are inaccurate.
Type 1’s Wounding Message
For an enneagram 1, their wounding message is “It’s not ok to make mistakes.”
There are other variations of this message such as “It’s not ok to be wrong” or “It’s not ok to behave badly.”
Once you realize this wounding message, it’s easy to see how that has ingrained the type 1’s core desire and core fear.
For a 1 that core desire is to be good/right (aka no mistakes) and the core fear is being bad/wrong (making mistakes).
What type 1s long to hear is “You are good” (or you are good enough).
Hearing this and understanding this allows the 1 to have a weight lifted off of them.
Type 2’s Wounding Message
For an enneagram 2, their wounding message is “It’s not ok to to have your own needs.”
There are other variations of this message such as “It’s not ok to be a burden” or “It’s not ok to put your needs first.”
Once you realize this wounding message, it’s easy to see how that has ingrained the type 2’s core desire and core fear.
For a 2 that core desire is to be loved/wanted/needed (for who they are, not how they help) and the core fear is being unloved/unwanted/not needed.
What type 2s long to hear is “You are wanted and loved for just being you.”
Hearing this and understanding this allows the 2 to have a weight lifted off of them.
Type 3’s Wounding Message
For an enneagram 3, their wounding message is “It’s not ok to have your own feelings and identity.”
There are other variations of this message such as “It’s not ok to fail” or “It’s not ok to not work hard.”
Once you realize this wounding message, it’s easy to see how that has ingrained the type 3’s core desire and core fear.
For a 3 that core desire is to be valued/admired/successful and the core fear is being not valued/not admired/unsuccessful. They believe that if they have their own feelings or identity they will not be valued/admired.
What type 3s long to hear is “You are loved and valued for simply being you” (the real you; not the mask you wear).
Hearing this and understanding this allows the 3 to have a weight lifted off of them.
Type 4’s Wounding Message
For an enneagram 4, their wounding message is “It’s not ok to be too much or not enough.”
There are other variations of this message such as “It’s not ok to not fit in” or “It’s not ok to be so emotional.”
Once you realize this wounding message, it’s easy to see how that has ingrained the type 4’s core desire and core fear.
For a 4 that core desire is to be authentic/uniquely themselves/have their own unique identity (aka who they truly are) and the core fear is being inauthentic/not truly themselves/having not identity (fear having to blend in when that’s not who they are).
What type 4s long to hear is “You are seen and loved for who you are.”
Hearing this and understanding this allows the 4 to have a weight lifted off of them.
Type 5’s Wounding Message
For an enneagram 5, their wounding message is “It’s not ok to be comfortable in the world.”
There are other variations of this message such as “You don’t have enough energy/skills to make it here” or “It’s not ok to let your guard down because you won’t be able to handle things competently.”
Once you realize this wounding message, it’s easy to see how that has ingrained the type 5’s core desire and core fear.
For a 5 that core desire is to be competent/capable/knowledgable (finding a way to be comfortable in the world) and the core fear is being incompetent/incapable (fearing their needs being a problem for others).
What type 5s long to hear is “Your needs are not a problem.”
Hearing this and understanding this allows the 5 to have a weight lifted off of them.
Type 6’s Wounding Message
For an enneagram 6, their wounding message is “It’s not ok to trust yourself.”
There are other variations of this message such as “You need to check in with others first” or “It’s not ok to rely on your gut.”
Special Note on 6’s:
6s are unique in that there are two ways a 6 will act out their wounding message (and core fear).
They will either be a phobic 6 in which they depend on authorities and trusted advisors (I can’t trust myself so I will trust in others) or they will be counterphobic and not trust those in authority or advising roles (I can’t trust myself so maybe it’s not actually scary and I should just get over my fear) (counterphobic 6s can look a bit like 8s)
Once you realize this wounding message, it’s easy to see how that has ingrained the type 6’s core desire and core fear.
For a 6 that core desire is to be secure/supported (their world can be scary since they can’t trust themselves) and the core fear is being without support/without security (without others, they fear they won’t be safe).
What type 6s long to hear is “You are safe and secure.”
Hearing this and understanding this allows the 6 to have a weight lifted off of them.
Type 7’s Wounding Message
For an enneagram 7, their wounding message is “It’s not ok to depend on others for anything.”
There are other variations of this message such as “Nobody will take care of you” or “You need to do things for yourself.”
Once you realize this wounding message, it’s easy to see how that has ingrained the type 7’s core desire and core fear.
For a 7 that core desire is to be content/satisfied (not needing to depend on others) and the core fear is being deprived/trapped in emotional pain (fearing not being able to do/solve it for themselves).
What type 7s long to hear is “You will be taken care of.”
Hearing this and understanding this allows the 7 to have a weight lifted off of them.
Type 8’s Wounding Message
For an enneagram 8, their wounding message is “It’s not ok to be vulnerable or to trust anyone.”
There are other variations of this message such as “It’s not ok to be weak” or “Don’t trust others, you’ll only get hurt.”
Once you realize this wounding message, it’s easy to see how that has ingrained the type 8’s core desire and core fear.
For a 8 that core desire is to be independent/autonomous/strong (no vulnerability) and the core fear is being controlled/harmed/manipulated (their vulnerability being broken).
What type 8s long to hear is “You will not be betrayed.”
Hearing this and understanding this allows the 8 to have a weight lifted off of them.
Type 9’s Wounding Message
For an enneagram 9, their wounding message is “It’s not ok to assert yourself.”
There are other variations of this message such as “The needs/feelings of others matters more than yours” or “It’s not ok to rock the boat.”
Once you realize this wounding message, it’s easy to see how that has ingrained the type 9’s core desire and core fear.
For a 9 that core desire is to be at peace/harmonious/connected to others (nobody is upset with the 9’s needs/opinions) and the core fear is separations/loss of connection (conflict from asserting themselves).
What type 9s long to hear is “Your presence matters.”
Hearing this and understanding this allows the 9 to have a weight lifted off of them.
Understanding the wounding messages of each enneagram type can help you break free from your own internal believes and it can help you understand and love others better since you know they carry their own wounding message.
