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Enneagram 9

Enneagram Type 7, 2, 9- Can you be too Positive

Posted on by DrToni

The Tyranny of Relentless Positivity

When we ignore difficult emotions, they end up controlling us. Here’s how embracing emotional agility allows us to deal with the world as it is.

We are caught up in a rigid culture that values relentless positivity over emotional agility, true resilience, and thriving, says Susan David, Ph.D., a Psychologist on the faculty of Harvard Medical School and author of the book Emotional Agility. And when we push aside difficult emotions in order to embrace false positivity, we lose our capacity to develop deep skills to help us deal with the world as it is, not as we wish it to be. In this TED Talk, Dr. David explores why tough emotions are essential for living a life of true meaning and, yes, even happiness.

Susan David, Ph.D.: “In South Africa, where I come from, “sawubona” is the Zulu word for “hello.” There’s a beautiful and powerful intention behind the word because “sawubona” literally translated means, “I see you, and by seeing you, I bring you into being.” So beautiful, imagine being greeted like that. But what does it take in the way we see ourselves? Our thoughts, our emotions and our stories that help us to thrive in an increasingly complex and fraught world?

This crucial question has been at the center of my life’s work. Because how we deal with our inner world drives everything. Every aspect of how we love, how we live, how we parent and how we lead. The conventional view of emotions as good or bad, positive or negative, is rigid. And rigidity in the face of complexity is toxic. We need greater levels of emotional agility for true resilience and thriving.

The conventional view of emotions as good or bad, positive or negative, is rigid. And rigidity in the face of complexity is toxic.

My journey with this calling began not in the hallowed halls of a university, but in the messy, tender business of life. I grew up in the white suburbs of apartheid South Africa, a country and community committed to not seeing. To denial. It’s denial that makes 50 years of racist legislation possible while people convince themselves that they are doing nothing wrong. And yet, I first learned of the destructive power of denial at a personal level, before I understood what it was doing to the country of my birth.

My father died on a Friday. He was 42 years old and I was 15. My mother whispered to me to go and say goodbye to my father before I went to school. So I put my backpack down and walked the passage that ran through to where the heart of our home my father lay dying of cancer. His eyes were closed, but he knew I was there. In his presence, I had always felt seen. I told him I loved him, said goodbye and headed off for my day. At school, I drifted from science to mathematics to history to biology, as my father slipped from the world. From May to July to September to November, I went about with my usual smile. I didn’t drop a single grade. When asked how I was doing, I would shrug and say, “OK.” I was praised for being strong. I was the master of being OK.

But back home, we struggled—my father hadn’t been able to keep his small business going during his illness. And my mother, alone, was grieving the love of her life trying to raise three children, and the creditors were knocking. We felt, as a family, financially and emotionally ravaged. And I began to spiral down, isolated, fast. I started to use food to numb my pain. Binging and purging. Refusing to accept the full weight of my grief. No one knew, and in a culture that values relentless positivity, I thought that no one wanted to know.

Moving Beyond Emotional Rigidity

But one person did not buy into my story of triumph over grief. My eighth-grade English teacher fixed me with burning blue eyes as she handed out blank notebooks. She said, “Write what you’re feeling. Tell the truth. Write like nobody’s reading.” And just like that, I was invited to show up authentically to my grief and pain. It was a simple act but nothing short of a revolution for me. It was this revolution that started in this blank notebook 30 years ago that shaped my life’s work. The secret, silent correspondence with myself. Like a gymnast, I started to move beyond the rigidity of denial into what I’ve now come to call emotional agility.

Life’s beauty is inseparable from its fragility: We are young until we are not. We walk down the streets sexy until one day we realize that we are unseen. We nag our children and one day realize that there is silence where that child once was, now making his or her way in the world. We are healthy until a diagnosis brings us to our knees. The only certainty is uncertainty, and yet we are not navigating this frailty successfully or sustainably. The World Health Organization tells us that depression is now the single leading cause of disability globally—outstripping cancer, outstripping heart disease. And at a time of greater complexity, unprecedented technological, political and economic change, we are seeing how people’s tendency is more and more to lock down into rigid responses to their emotions.

On the one hand, we might obsessively brood on our feelings, getting stuck inside our heads, hooked on being right, or victimized by our news feed. On the other, we might bottle our emotions, pushing them aside and permitting only those emotions deemed legitimate.

In a survey I recently conducted with over 70,000 people, I found that a third of us—a third—either judge ourselves for having so-called “bad emotions,” like sadness, anger or even grief. Or actively try to push aside these feelings. We do this not only to ourselves, but also to people we love, like our children—we may inadvertently shame them out of emotions seen as negative, jump to a solution, and fail to help them to see these emotions as inherently valuable.

The Tyranny of Relentless Positivity

Normal, natural emotions are now seen as good or bad. And being positive has become a new form of moral correctness. People with cancer are automatically told to just stay positive. Women, to stop being so angry. And the list goes on. It’s a tyranny. It’s a tyranny of positivity. And it’s cruel. Unkind. And ineffective. And we do it to ourselves, and we do it to others.

If there’s one common feature of brooding, bottling, or false positivity, it’s this: they are all rigid responses. And if there’s a single lesson we can learn from the inevitable fall of apartheid, it is that rigid denial doesn’t work. It’s unsustainable.For individuals, for families, for societies.And as we watch the ice caps melt, it is unsustainable for our planet.

But when we push aside normal emotions to embrace false positivity, we lose our capacity to develop skills to deal with the world as it is, not as we wish it to be.

Research on emotional suppression shows that when emotions are pushed aside or ignored, they get stronger. Psychologists call this amplification. Like that delicious chocolate cake in the refrigerator, the more you try to ignore it, the greater its hold on you. You might think you’re in control of unwanted emotions when you ignore them, but in fact, they control you. Internal pain always comes out. Always. And who pays the price? We do. Our children, our colleagues, our communities.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not anti-happiness. I like being happy. I’m a pretty happy person. But when we push aside normal emotions to embrace false positivity, we lose our capacity to develop skills to deal with the world as it is, not as we wish it to be. I’ve had hundreds of people tell me what they don’t want to feel. They say things like, “I don’t want to try because I don’t want to feel disappointed.” Or, “I just want this feeling to go away.”

“I understand,” I say to them. “But you have dead people’s goals.” Only dead people never get unwanted or inconvenienced by their feelings.

Only dead people never get stressed, never get broken hearts, never experience the disappointment that comes with failure. Tough emotions are part of our contract with life. You don’t get to have a meaningful career or raise a family or leave the world a better place without stress and discomfort. Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.

So, how do we begin to dismantle rigidity and embrace emotional agility? As that young schoolgirl, when I leaned into those blank pages, I started to do away with feelings of what I should be experiencing. And instead started to open my heart to what I did feel. Pain. And grief. And loss. And regret.

How to Embrace Emotional Agility

Research now shows that the radical acceptance of all of our emotions—even the messy, difficult ones—is the cornerstone to resilience, thriving, and true, authentic happiness. But emotional agility is more than just an acceptance of emotions, we also know that accuracy matters. In my own research, I found that words are essential. We often use quick and easy labels to describe our feelings. “I’m stressed” is the most common one I hear. But there’s a world of difference between stress and disappointment or stress and that knowing-dread of “I’m in the wrong career.” When we label our emotions accurately, we are more able to discern the precise cause of our feelings. And what scientists call the “readiness potential” in our brain is activated, allowing us to take concrete steps. But not just any steps, the right steps for us. Because our emotions are data. Our emotions contain flashing lights to things that we care about.

We tend not to feel strong emotion to stuff that doesn’t mean anything in our worlds. If you feel rage when you read the news, that rage is a signpost, perhaps, that you value equity and fairness—and an opportunity to take active steps to shape your life in that direction. When we are open to the difficult emotions, we are able to generate responses that are values-aligned.

But there’s an important caveat. Emotions are data, they are not directives. We can show up to and mine our emotions for their values without needing to listen to them. Just like I can show up to my son in his frustration with his baby, but not endorse his idea that he gets to give her away to the first stranger he sees in a shopping mall.

We own our emotions, they don’t own us. When we internalize the difference between how I feel in all my wisdom, and what I do in a values-aligned action, we generate the pathway to our best selves via our emotions. So, what does this look like in practice?

  1. When you feel a strong, tough emotion, don’t race for the emotional exits. Learn its contours, show up to the journal of your hearts.
  2. What is the emotion telling you? And try not to say “I am,” as in, “I’m angry” or “I’m sad.” When you say “I am” it makes you sound as if you are the emotion. Whereas you are you, and the emotion is a data source. Instead, try to notice the feeling for what it is: “I’m noticing that I’m feeling sad” or “I’m noticing that I’m feeling angry.”

These are essential skills for us, our families, our communities. They’re also critical to the workplace.

In my research, when I looked at what helps people to bring the best of themselves to work, I found a powerful key contributor: individualized consideration. When people are allowed to feel their emotional truth, engagement, creativity, and innovation flourish in the organization. Diversity isn’t just people, it’s also what’s inside people, including diversity of emotion. The most agile, resilient individuals, teams, organizations, families, communities are built on an openness to the normal human emotions. It’s this that allows us to say, “What is my emotion telling me?” “Which action will bring me towards my values?” “Which will take me away from my values?” Emotional agility is the ability to be with your emotions with curiosity, compassion, and especially the courage to take values-connected steps.

Emotional agility is the ability to be with your emotions with curiosity, compassion, and especially the courage to take values-connected steps.

When I was little, I would wake up at night terrified by the idea of death. My father would comfort me with soft pats and kisses. But he would never lie. “We all die, Susie,” he would say.”It’s normal to be scared.” He didn’t try to invent a buffer between me and reality. It took me a while to understand the power of how he guided me through those nights. What he showed me is that courage is not an absence of fear; courage is fear walking. Neither of us knew that in 10 short years, he would be gone. And that time for each of us is all too precious and all too brief. But when our moment comes to face our fragility, in that ultimate time, it will ask us, “Are you agile?” “Are you agile?” Let the moment be an unreserved “yes.” A “yes” born of a lifelong correspondence with your own heart. And in seeing yourself. Because in seeing yourself, you are also able to see others, too: the only sustainable way forward in a fragile, beautiful world. Sawubona.”

Type Nine—Levels of Development

Posted on by DrToni

Type 9 – Healthy Levels

Level 1 (At Their Best): Become self-possessed, feeling autonomous and fulfilled: have great equanimity and contentment because they are present to themselves. Paradoxically, at one with self, and thus able to form more profound relationships. Intensely alive, fully connected to self and others.

Level 2: Deeply receptive, accepting, unselfconscious, emotionally stable and serene. Trusting of self and others, at ease with self and life, innocent and simple. Patient, unpretentious, good-natured, genuinely nice people.

Level 3: Optimistic, reassuring, supportive: have a healing and calming influence—harmonizing groups, bringing people together: a good mediator, synthesizer, and communicator.

Average Levels

Level 4: Fear conflicts, so become self-effacing and accommodating, idealizing others and “going along” with their wishes, saying “yes” to things they do not really want to do. Fall into conventional roles and expectations. Use philosophies and stock sayings to deflect others.

Level 5: Active, but disengaged, unreflective, and inattentive. Do not want to be affected, so become unresponsive and complacent, walking away from problems, and “sweeping them under the rug.” Thinking becomes hazy and ruminative, mostly comforting fantasies, as they begin to “tune out” reality, becoming oblivious. Emotionally indolent, unwillingness to exert self or to focus on problems: indifference.

Level 6: Begin to minimize problems, to appease others and to have “peace at any price.” Stubborn, fatalistic, and resigned, as if nothing could be done to change anything. Into wishful thinking, and magical solutions. Others frustrated and angry by their procrastination and unresponsiveness.

Unhealthy Levels

Level 7: Can be highly repressed, undeveloped, and ineffectual. Feel incapable of facing problems: become obstinate, dissociating self from all conflicts. Neglectful and dangerous to others.

Level 8: Wanting to block out of awareness anything that could affect them, they dissociate so much that they eventually cannot function: numb, depersonalized.

Level 9: They finally become severely disoriented and catatonic, abandoning themselves, turning into shattered shells. Multiple personalities possible. Generally corresponds to the Schizoid and Dependent personality disorders.

Don Riso Enneagram point 9

Posted on by DrToni

9
THE PEACEMAKER
Enneagram Type Nine

The Easygoing, Self-Effacing Type:
Receptive, Reassuring Agreeable, and Complacent

Type Nine in Brief

Nines are accepting, trusting, and stable. They are usually creative, optimistic, and supportive, but can also be too willing to go along with others to keep the peace. They want everything to go smoothly and be without conflict, but they can also tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting. They typically have problems with inertia and stubbornness. At their Best: indomitable and all-embracing, they are able to bring people together and heal conflicts.

  • Basic Fear: Of loss and separation

  • Basic Desire: To have inner stability “peace of mind”

  • Enneagram Nine with an Eight-Wing: “The Referee”

  • Enneagram Nine with a One-Wing: “The Dreamer”

Key Motivations: Want to create harmony in their environment, to avoid conflicts and tension, to preserve things as they are, to resist whatever would upset or disturb them.

The Meaning of the Arrows (in brief)

When moving in their Direction of Disintegration (stress), complacent Nines suddenly become anxious and worried at Six. However, when moving in their Direction of Integration (growth), slothful, self-neglecting Nines become more self-developing and energetic, like healthy Threes. Learn more about the arrows.

Examples: Queen Elizabeth II, Princess Grace of Monaco, Claude Monet, Norman Rockwell, Abraham Lincoln, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Gerald Ford, Ronald Reagan, George W. Bush, John F. Kennedy, Jr., General Colin Powell, Walter Cronkite, Carl Jung, Carl Rogers, Joseph Campbell, Walt Disney, Jim Henson (Muppets), Garrison Keillor, Gloria Steinem, Tony Bennett, Ringo Starr, Carlos Santana, James Taylor, Janet Jackson, Jack Johnson, George Lucas, Ron Howard, Gary Cooper, Jimmy Stewart, Audrey Hepburn, Sophia Loren, Kevin Costner, Annette Bening, Jeff Bridges, Morgan Freeman, John Goodman, Matthew Broderick, Whoopie Goldberg, Woody Harrelson, Geena Davis, Jason Segel, Lisa Kudrow, Tobey McGuire, Zooey Deschanel, “Mister Rogers,” “Homer and Marge Simpson”

Type Nine Overview

We have called personality type Nine The Peacemaker because no type is more devoted to the quest for internal and external peace for themselves and others. They are typically “spiritual seekers” who have a great yearning for connection with the cosmos, as well as with other people. They work to maintain their peace of mind just as they work to establish peace and harmony in their world. The issues encountered in the Nine are fundamental to all psychological and spiritual work—being awake versus falling asleep to our true nature; presence versus entrancement, openness versus blockage, tension versus relaxation, peace versus pain, union versus separation.

Ironically, for a type so oriented to the spiritual world, Nine is the center of the Instinctive Center, and is the type that is potentially most grounded in the physical world and in their own bodies. The contradiction is resolved when we realize that Nines are either in touch with their instinctive qualities and have tremendous elemental power and personal magnetism, or they are cut off from their instinctual strengths and can be disengaged and remote, even lightweight.

To compensate for being out of touch with their instinctual energies, Nines also retreat into their minds and their emotional fantasies. (This is why Nines can sometimes misidentify themselves as Fives and Sevens, “head types,” or as Twos and Fours, “feeling types.”) Furthermore, when their instinctive energies are out of balance, Nines use these very energies against themselves, damming up their own power so that everything in their psyches becomes static and inert. When their energy is not used, it stagnates like a spring-fed lake that becomes so full that its own weight dams up the springs that feed it. When Nines are in balance with their Instinctive Center and its energy, however, they are like a great river, carrying everything along with it effortlessly.

We have sometimes called the Nine the crown of the Enneagram because it is at the top of the symbol and because it seems to include the whole of it. Nines can have the strength of Eights, the sense of fun and adventure of Sevens, the dutifulness of Sixes, the intellectualism of Fives, the creativity of Fours, the attractiveness of Threes, the generosity of Twos, and the idealism of Ones. However, what they generally do not have is a sense of really inhabiting themselves—a strong sense of their own identity.

Ironically, therefore, the only type the Nine is not like is the Nine itself. Being a separate self, an individual who must assert herself against others, is terrifying to Nines. They would rather melt into someone else or quietly follow their idyllic daydreams.

Red, a nationally known business consultant, comments on this tendency:

“I am aware of focusing on other people, wondering what they are like, how and where they live, etc. In a relationship with others, I often give up my own agenda in favor of the other person’s. I have to be on guard about giving in to other’s demands and discounting my own legitimate needs.”

Nines demonstrate the universal temptation to ignore the disturbing aspects of life and to seek some degree of peace and comfort by “numbing out.” They respond to pain and suffering by attempting to live in a state of premature peacefulness, whether it is in a state of false spiritual attainment, or in more gross denial. More than any other type, Nines demonstrate the tendency to run away from the paradoxes and tensions of life by attempting to transcend them or by seeking to find simple and painless solutions to their problems.

To emphasize the pleasant in life is not a bad thing, of course—it is simply a limited and limiting approach to life. If Nines see the silver lining in every cloud as a way of protecting themselves from the cold and rain, other types have their distorting viewpoints, too. For example, Fours focus on their own woundedness and victimization, Ones on what is wrong with how things are, and so forth. By contrast, Nines tend to focus on the “bright side of life” so that their peace of mind will not be shaken. But rather than deny the dark side of life, what Nines must understand is that all of the perspectives presented by the other types are true, too. Nines must resist the urge to escape into “premature Buddhahood” or the “white light” of the Divine and away from the mundane world. They must remember that “the only way out is through.”

(from The Wisdom of the Enneagram, p. 316-317)

Type Nine—Levels of Development

Healthy Levels

Level 1 (At Their Best): Become self-possessed, feeling autonomous and fulfilled: have great equanimity and contentment because they are present to themselves. Paradoxically, at one with self, and thus able to form more profound relationships. Intensely alive, fully connected to self and others.

Level 2: Deeply receptive, accepting, unselfconscious, emotionally stable and serene. Trusting of self and others, at ease with self and life, innocent and simple. Patient, unpretentious, good-natured, genuinely nice people.

Level 3: Optimistic, reassuring, supportive: have a healing and calming influence—harmonizing groups, bringing people together: a good mediator, synthesizer, and communicator.

Average Levels

Level 4: Fear conflicts, so become self-effacing and accommodating, idealizing others and “going along” with their wishes, saying “yes” to things they do not really want to do. Fall into conventional roles and expectations. Use philosophies and stock sayings to deflect others.

Level 5: Active, but disengaged, unreflective, and inattentive. Do not want to be affected, so become unresponsive and complacent, walking away from problems, and “sweeping them under the rug.” Thinking becomes hazy and ruminative, mostly comforting fantasies, as they begin to “tune out” reality, becoming oblivious. Emotionally indolent, unwillingness to exert self or to focus on problems: indifference.

Level 6: Begin to minimize problems, to appease others and to have “peace at any price.” Stubborn, fatalistic, and resigned, as if nothing could be done to change anything. Into wishful thinking, and magical solutions. Others frustrated and angry by their procrastination and unresponsiveness.

Unhealthy Levels

Level 7: Can be highly repressed, undeveloped, and ineffectual. Feel incapable of facing problems: become obstinate, dissociating self from all conflicts. Neglectful and dangerous to others.

Level 8: Wanting to block out of awareness anything that could affect them, they dissociate so much that they eventually cannot function: numb, depersonalized.

Level 9: They finally become severely disoriented and catatonic, abandoning themselves, turning into shattered shells. Multiple personalities possible. Generally corresponds to the Schizoid and Dependent personality disorders.

Compatibility with Other Types

Type 9 in relationship with type:

1     2     3     4     5     6     7     8     9

Misidentification with Other Types

Type 9 compared with type:

1     2     3     4     5     6     7     8

Addictions

Over-eating or under-eating due to lack of self-awareness and repressed anger. Lack of physical activity. Depressants and psychotropics, alcohol, marijuana, narcotics to deaden loneliness and anxiety.

Personal Growth Recommendations
for Enneagram Type Nines

  • It is worth examining your type’s tendency to go along with others, doing what they want to keep the peace and be nice. Will constantly acquiescing to the wishes of others provide the kind of relationships that will really satisfy you? Remember, it is impossible to love others if you are not truly present to them. This means that you have to be yourself, that you (paradoxically) have to be independent so that you can really be there for others when they need you.

  • Exert yourself. Force yourself to pay attention to what is going on. Do not drift off or tune out people, or daydream. Work on focusing your attention to become an active participant in the world around you. Try to become more mentally and emotionally engaged.

  • Recognize that you also have aggressions, anxieties, and other feelings that you must deal with. Negative feelings and impulses are a part of you and they affect you emotionally and physically whether or not you acknowledge them. Furthermore, your negative emotions are often expressed inadvertently and get in the way of the peace and harmony you want in your relationships. It is best to get things out in the open first, at least by allowing yourself to become aware of your feelings.

  • Although this will be very painful for you, if your marriage has ended in divorce or if you are having problems with your children, you must honestly examine how you have contributed to these problems. Examining troubled relationships will be extremely difficult because the people involved have been close to your heart. The feelings you have for others endow you with much of your identity and self-esteem. But if you really love others, you can do no less than examine the role you have played in whatever conflicts that have arisen. In the last analysis, the choice is simple: you must sacrifice your peace of mind (in the short run) for the satisfaction of genuine relationships (in the long run.)

  • Exercise frequently to become more aware of your body and emotions. (Some Nines run around doing errands and think that they are getting enough exercise.) Regular exercise is a healthy form of self-discipline and will increase your awareness of your feelings and other sensations. Developing body-awareness will help teach you to concentrate and focus your attention in other areas of your life as well. Exercise is also a good way to get in touch with and express some aggressions.

Don Riso on Enneagram Type 9

Posted on by DrToni

THE PEACEMAKER
Enneagram Type Nine

The Easygoing, Self-Effacing Type:
Receptive, Reassuring Agreeable, and Complacent

Type Nine in Brief

Nines are accepting, trusting, and stable. They are usually creative, optimistic, and supportive, but can also be too willing to go along with others to keep the peace. They want everything to go smoothly and be without conflict, but they can also tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting. They typically have problems with inertia and stubbornness. At their Best: indomitable and all-embracing, they are able to bring people together and heal conflicts.

  • Basic Fear: Of loss and separation
  • Basic Desire: To have inner stability “peace of mind”
  • Enneagram Nine with an Eight-Wing: “The Referee”
  • Enneagram Nine with a One-Wing: “The Dreamer”

Key Motivations: Want to create harmony in their environment, to avoid conflicts and tension, to preserve things as they are, to resist whatever would upset or disturb them.

The Meaning of the Arrows (in brief)

When moving in their Direction of Disintegration (stress), complacent Nines suddenly become anxious and worried at Six. However, when moving in their Direction of Integration (growth), slothful, self-neglecting Nines become more self-developing and energetic, like healthy Threes. Learn more about the arrows.

Examples: Queen Elizabeth II, Princess Grace of Monaco, Claude Monet, Norman Rockwell, Abraham Lincoln, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Gerald Ford, Ronald Reagan, George W. Bush, John F. Kennedy, Jr., General Colin Powell, Walter Cronkite, Carl Jung, Carl Rogers, Joseph Campbell, Walt Disney, Jim Henson (Muppets), Garrison Keillor, Gloria Steinem, Tony Bennett, Ringo Starr, Carlos Santana, James Taylor, Janet Jackson, Jack Johnson, George Lucas, Ron Howard, Gary Cooper, Jimmy Stewart, Audrey Hepburn, Sophia Loren, Kevin Costner, Annette Bening, Jeff Bridges, Morgan Freeman, John Goodman, Matthew Broderick, Whoopie Goldberg, Woody Harrelson, Geena Davis, Jason Segel, Lisa Kudrow, Tobey McGuire, Zooey Deschanel, “Mister Rogers,” “Homer and Marge Simpson”

Type Nine Overview

We have called personality type Nine The Peacemaker because no type is more devoted to the quest for internal and external peace for themselves and others. They are typically “spiritual seekers” who have a great yearning for connection with the cosmos, as well as with other people. They work to maintain their peace of mind just as they work to establish peace and harmony in their world. The issues encountered in the Nine are fundamental to all psychological and spiritual work—being awake versus falling asleep to our true nature; presence versus entrancement, openness versus blockage, tension versus relaxation, peace versus pain, union versus separation.

Ironically, for a type so oriented to the spiritual world, Nine is the center of the Instinctive Center, and is the type that is potentially most grounded in the physical world and in their own bodies. The contradiction is resolved when we realize that Nines are either in touch with their instinctive qualities and have tremendous elemental power and personal magnetism, or they are cut off from their instinctual strengths and can be disengaged and remote, even lightweight.

To compensate for being out of touch with their instinctual energies, Nines also retreat into their minds and their emotional fantasies. (This is why Nines can sometimes misidentify themselves as Fives and Sevens, “head types,” or as Twos and Fours, “feeling types.”) Furthermore, when their instinctive energies are out of balance, Nines use these very energies against themselves, damming up their own power so that everything in their psyches becomes static and inert. When their energy is not used, it stagnates like a spring-fed lake that becomes so full that its own weight dams up the springs that feed it. When Nines are in balance with their Instinctive Center and its energy, however, they are like a great river, carrying everything along with it effortlessly.

We have sometimes called the Nine the crown of the Enneagram because it is at the top of the symbol and because it seems to include the whole of it. Nines can have the strength of Eights, the sense of fun and adventure of Sevens, the dutifulness of Sixes, the intellectualism of Fives, the creativity of Fours, the attractiveness of Threes, the generosity of Twos, and the idealism of Ones. However, what they generally do not have is a sense of really inhabiting themselves—a strong sense of their own identity.

Ironically, therefore, the only type the Nine is not like is the Nine itself. Being a separate self, an individual who must assert herself against others, is terrifying to Nines. They would rather melt into someone else or quietly follow their idyllic daydreams.

Red, a nationally known business consultant, comments on this tendency:

“I am aware of focusing on other people, wondering what they are like, how and where they live, etc. In a relationship with others, I often give up my own agenda in favor of the other person’s. I have to be on guard about giving in to other’s demands and discounting my own legitimate needs.”

Nines demonstrate the universal temptation to ignore the disturbing aspects of life and to seek some degree of peace and comfort by “numbing out.” They respond to pain and suffering by attempting to live in a state of premature peacefulness, whether it is in a state of false spiritual attainment, or in more gross denial. More than any other type, Nines demonstrate the tendency to run away from the paradoxes and tensions of life by attempting to transcend them or by seeking to find simple and painless solutions to their problems.

To emphasize the pleasant in life is not a bad thing, of course—it is simply a limited and limiting approach to life. If Nines see the silver lining in every cloud as a way of protecting themselves from the cold and rain, other types have their distorting viewpoints, too. For example, Fours focus on their own woundedness and victimization, Ones on what is wrong with how things are, and so forth. By contrast, Nines tend to focus on the “bright side of life” so that their peace of mind will not be shaken. But rather than deny the dark side of life, what Nines must understand is that all of the perspectives presented by the other types are true, too. Nines must resist the urge to escape into “premature Buddhahood” or the “white light” of the Divine and away from the mundane world. They must remember that “the only way out is through.”

(from The Wisdom of the Enneagram, p. 316-317)

Type Nine—Levels of Development

Healthy Levels

Level 1 (At Their Best): Become self-possessed, feeling autonomous and fulfilled: have great equanimity and contentment because they are present to themselves. Paradoxically, at one with self, and thus able to form more profound relationships. Intensely alive, fully connected to self and others.

Level 2: Deeply receptive, accepting, unselfconscious, emotionally stable and serene. Trusting of self and others, at ease with self and life, innocent and simple. Patient, unpretentious, good-natured, genuinely nice people.

Level 3: Optimistic, reassuring, supportive: have a healing and calming influence—harmonizing groups, bringing people together: a good mediator, synthesizer, and communicator.

Average Levels

Level 4: Fear conflicts, so become self-effacing and accommodating, idealizing others and “going along” with their wishes, saying “yes” to things they do not really want to do. Fall into conventional roles and expectations. Use philosophies and stock sayings to deflect others.

Level 5: Active, but disengaged, unreflective, and inattentive. Do not want to be affected, so become unresponsive and complacent, walking away from problems, and “sweeping them under the rug.” Thinking becomes hazy and ruminative, mostly comforting fantasies, as they begin to “tune out” reality, becoming oblivious. Emotionally indolent, unwillingness to exert self or to focus on problems: indifference.

Level 6: Begin to minimize problems, to appease others and to have “peace at any price.” Stubborn, fatalistic, and resigned, as if nothing could be done to change anything. Into wishful thinking, and magical solutions. Others frustrated and angry by their procrastination and unresponsiveness.

Unhealthy Levels

Level 7: Can be highly repressed, undeveloped, and ineffectual. Feel incapable of facing problems: become obstinate, dissociating self from all conflicts. Neglectful and dangerous to others.

Level 8: Wanting to block out of awareness anything that could affect them, they dissociate so much that they eventually cannot function: numb, depersonalized.

Level 9: They finally become severely disoriented and catatonic, abandoning themselves, turning into shattered shells. Multiple personalities possible. Generally corresponds to the Schizoid and Dependent personality disorders.

Compatibility with Other Types

Type 9 in relationship with type:

1     2     3     4     5     6     7     8     9

Misidentification with Other Types

Type 9 compared with type:

1     2     3     4     5     6     7     8

Addictions

Over-eating or under-eating due to lack of self-awareness and repressed anger. Lack of physical activity. Depressants and psychotropics, alcohol, marijuana, narcotics to deaden loneliness and anxiety.

Personal Growth Recommendations
for Enneagram Type Nines

  • It is worth examining your type’s tendency to go along with others, doing what they want to keep the peace and be nice. Will constantly acquiescing to the wishes of others provide the kind of relationships that will really satisfy you? Remember, it is impossible to love others if you are not truly present to them. This means that you have to be yourself, that you (paradoxically) have to be independent so that you can really be there for others when they need you.
  • Exert yourself. Force yourself to pay attention to what is going on. Do not drift off or tune out people, or daydream. Work on focusing your attention to become an active participant in the world around you. Try to become more mentally and emotionally engaged.
  • Recognize that you also have aggressions, anxieties, and other feelings that you must deal with. Negative feelings and impulses are a part of you and they affect you emotionally and physically whether or not you acknowledge them. Furthermore, your negative emotions are often expressed inadvertently and get in the way of the peace and harmony you want in your relationships. It is best to get things out in the open first, at least by allowing yourself to become aware of your feelings.
  • Although this will be very painful for you, if your marriage has ended in divorce or if you are having problems with your children, you must honestly examine how you have contributed to these problems. Examining troubled relationships will be extremely difficult because the people involved have been close to your heart. The feelings you have for others endow you with much of your identity and self-esteem. But if you really love others, you can do no less than examine the role you have played in whatever conflicts that have arisen. In the last analysis, the choice is simple: you must sacrifice your peace of mind (in the short run) for the satisfaction of genuine relationships (in the long run.)

Which is the Most Difficult Enneagram Type to Type?

Posted on by DrToni

Which is the Most Difficult Enneagram Type to Type?

11 AUGUST 2022 / BY CIANNA GARRISON

Understanding your Enneagram type isn’t always straightforward. You may take the Enneagram test and feel confused about your results because you share similarities with more than one personality type, which isn’t uncommon. That’s because some Enneagram types are more challenging to type than others. But what is the most difficult Enneagram type to type? The answer might surprise you.

What is the most difficult Enneagram type, in a nutshell

Not all Enneagram types are as difficult to type, but there’s one, in particular, that is harder to discern from the others. Drumroll, please…..

Out of the nine Enneagram types, Type 9, “The Peacemaker,” can be the most difficult type to pick out of a crowd.

Why is Type 9 a difficult personality to type?

Type 9s are all about maintaining peace and harmony. As such, they spend much of their time blending in with others and prioritizing other people’s needs over their own — even pretending to like things they do not to help keep the peace and happiness of their group.

The problem is, that few Type 9s are aware of these innate motivational patterns. Because they understand the inner workings of other types and what it takes to keep the peace, they may answer test questions while thinking about the needs of others — and that can lead to a confusing, obscured result when Type 9 isn’t honest with themselves.

Are you a true Type 9 or something else?

To determine if you or someone else is an Enneagram 9, the best thing you can do is to look at the main fear and motivation of Type 9. An Enneagram Type 9 is most afraid of coming across as needy and therefore pushing others away by appearing too clingy or dependent. Because of this fear, Type 9s makes themselves as agreeable as possible, avoiding any upset in relationships or disagreements, even when they feel neglected inside.

As for motivation, Type 9 will strive to create peace in their environment and relationships, and they will not seek out or engage in a conflict where possible because they’d rather keep everyone happy.

If this sounds like you, you might be an Enneagram Type 9 — but you should also look at the other Enneagram types to be sure.

Could you be an Enneagram Type 2?

Type 9 has a lot of overlapping characteristics with the Enneagram Type 2. Both types are kind and easy-going, and they also both put others’ needs ahead of their own. They are similar in their need to please others at the expense of their own needs and to maintain a level of peace and harmony.

Like Type 9s, Enneagram Type 2s struggle with feelings of inferiority when they’ve been pushed away and unaccepted by others. However, their primary motivation is different. For Type 9s, the motivation is to have peace; they’re allergic to conflict and turmoil in relationships and at home, so they’re the most likely to bend over backward to prevent negative emotions from coming through. Because of this, the differences between Enneagram 2 and Enneagram 9 are the easy summary: Type 9 is more passive about things, while Type 2 goes out of their way to engage with people and provide an overall feeling of care.

While Type 9 cares for others, they aren’t as confronting about it. For example, a Type 2 will be the person mothering a group, making treats to send home with others, and asking if anyone needs help, seeking out their friends like a guardian. Meanwhile, Type 9 spends more time agreeing with others’ choices, maintaining a passive attitude, and trying to meditate on scenarios that have gone bad in their inner circle.

Heart versus Body types: how this can help you determine if you’re an Enneagram 9

The Enneagram Type 9 is a Body type, which may also help you discern if your typology is correct. As a Body type, you’ll be more physical in both your and others’ reactions. Physical comfort will mean more to you than anything else, which is apparent in your actions toward others and your desire to stay independent from the outside world.

If, by chance, you’re a Heart type like an Enneagram Type 2, you’ll be more empathetic by nature and strive to understand your feelings and the others around you. Your emotions will rule you more than logic and physical reactions, and you connect more with people who also feel pulled by their hearts over their heads.

The Enneagram Type 9

To discover if the Enneagram Type 9 personality type fits you, you should look at the traits most of them exhibit. A true Enneagram Type 9 will have most of the following traits:

  • A talent for diffusing conflict among others
  • A cool and calm attitude
  • A relaxing voice and demeanor
  • More than a few acquaintances and friends
  • A passive attitude when it comes to decision-making
  • A gentle, agreeable being
  • General avoidance of anger and ill feelings
  • Devaluation of their own feelings and qualms
  • An overwhelming desire to stray from negative emotions

Still having trouble typing yourself?

You may not be able to tell if you’re an Enneagram Type 9 right away. That’s because 9’s are great at sensing other peoples’ problems and are used to melding to whatever their friend group wants them to be to appeal to them as agreeable, easy-going individuals.

However, if you think you might be an Enneagram Type 9, take a look at the main traits of this Enneagram type and think about what motivates you — what makes you seek out friendships, and how do you navigate those relationships? A straightforward answer will point to whether you’re a Type 9 or some other Enneagram type when you analyze your core motivations and fears.

The takeaway

Enneagram Type 9s might be the hardest to type in the Enneagram personality type system, but they’re valuable personalities who sacrifice their own needs to help others feel comfortable. Because it isn’t always easy to type an Enneagram 9, you should question your test results if you receive an answer that doesn’t sound like you. As with all personality tests, though, you should remember your personality type isn’t always infallible, and you can take your results with a grain of salt. No test will pinpoint every instance of your personality because all people have unique traits that shine through, whether they’re an Enneagram Type 9 or anything else in between.

Cianna Garrison

Cianna Garrison holds a B.A. in English from Arizona State University and works as a freelance writer. She fell in love with psychology and personality type theory back in 2011. Since then, she has enjoyed continually learning about the 16 personality types. As an INFJ, she lives for the creative arts, and even when she isn’t working, she’s probably still writing.

11 AUGUST 2022 / BY CIANNA GARRISON

0

 

Categories: Enneagram, Type Nine

Understanding your Enneagram type isn’t always straightforward. You may take the Enneagram test and feel confused about your results because you share similarities with more than one personality type, which isn’t uncommon. That’s because some Enneagram types are more challenging to type than others. But what is the most difficult Enneagram type to type? The answer might surprise you.

What is the most difficult Enneagram type, in a nutshell

Not all Enneagram types are as difficult to type, but there’s one in particular that is harder to discern from the others. Drumroll please…..

Out of the nine Enneagram types, Type 9, “The Peacemaker,” can be the most difficult type to pick out of a crowd.

Why is Type 9 a difficult personality to type?

Type 9s are all about maintaining peace and harmony. As such, they spend much of their time blending in with others and prioritizing other peoples’ needs over their own — even pretending to like things they do not to help keep the peace and happiness of their group.

The problem is, few Type 9s are aware of these innate motivational patterns. Because they understand the inner workings of other types and what it takes to keep the peace, they may answer test questions while thinking about the needs of others — and that can lead to a confusing, obscured result when Type 9 isn’t honest with themselves.

Are you a true Type 9 or something else?

To determine if you or someone else is an Enneagram 9, the best thing you can do is to look at the main fear and motivation of Type 9. An Enneagram Type 9 is most afraid of coming across as needy and therefore pushing others away by appearing too clingy or dependent. Because of this fear, Type 9s makes themselves as agreeable as possible, avoiding any upset in relationships or disagreements, even when they feel neglected inside.

As for motivation, Type 9 will strive to create peace in their environment and relationships, and they will not seek out or engage in a conflict where possible because they’d rather keep everyone happy.

If this sounds like you, you might be an Enneagram Type 9 — but you should also look at the other Enneagram types to be sure.

Could you be an Enneagram Type 2?

Type 9 has a lot of overlapping characteristics with the Enneagram Type 2. Both types are kind and easy-going, and they also both put others’ needs ahead of their own. They are similar in their need to please others at the expense of their own needs and to maintain a level of peace and harmony.

Like Type 9s, Enneagram Type 2s struggle with feelings of inferiority when they’re pushed away and unaccepted by others. However, their primary motivation is different. For Type 9s, the motivation is to have peace; they’re allergic to conflict and turmoil in relationships and at home, so they’re the most likely to bend over backward to prevent negative emotions from coming through. Because of this, the differences between Enneagram 2 and Enneagram 9 are an easy summary: Type 9 is more passive about things, while Type 2 goes out of their way to engage with people and provide an overall feeling of care.

While Type 9 cares for others, they aren’t as confronting about it. For example, a Type 2 will be the person mothering a group, making treats to send home with others, and asking if anyone needs help, seeking out their friends like a guardian. Meanwhile, Type 9 spends more time agreeing with others’ choices, maintaining a passive attitude, and trying to meditate on scenarios that have gone bad in their inner circle.

Heart versus Body types: how this can help you determine if you’re an Enneagram 9

The Enneagram Type 9 is a Body type, which may also help you discern if your typology is correct. As a Body type, you’ll be more physical in both your and others’ reactions. Physical comfort will mean more to you than anything else, which is apparent in your actions toward others and your desire to stay independent from the outside world.

If, by chance, you’re a Heart type like an Enneagram Type 2, you’ll be more empathetic by nature and strive to understand your feelings and the others around you. Your emotions will rule you more than logic and physical reactions, and you connect more with people who also feel pulled by their hearts over their heads.

The Enneagram Type 9

To discover if the Enneagram Type 9 personality type fits you, you should look at the traits most of them exhibit. A true Enneagram Type 9 will have most of the following traits:

  • A talent for diffusing conflict among others
  • A cool and calm attitude
  • A relaxing voice and demeanor
  • More than a few acquaintances and friends
  • A passive attitude when it comes to decision-making
  • A gentle, agreeable being
  • General avoidance of anger and ill feelings
  • Devaluation of their own feelings and qualms
  • An overwhelming desire to stray from negative emotions

Still having trouble typing yourself?

You may not be able to tell if you’re an Enneagram Type 9 right away. That’s because 9’s are great at sensing other peoples’ problems and are used to melding to whatever their friend group wants them to be to appeal to them as agreeable, easy-going individuals.

However, if you think you might be an Enneagram Type 9, take a look at the main traits of this Enneagram type and think about what motivates you — what makes you seek out friendships, and how do you navigate those relationships? A straightforward answer will point to whether you’re a Type 9 or some other Enneagram type when you analyze your core motivations and fears.

The takeaway

Enneagram Type 9s might be the hardest to type in the Enneagram personality type system, but they’re valuable personalities who sacrifice their own needs to help others feel comfortable. Because it isn’t always easy to type an Enneagram 9, you should question your test results if you receive an answer that doesn’t sound like you. As with all personality tests, though, you should remember your personality type isn’t always infallible, and you can take your results with a grain of salt. No test will pinpoint every instance of your personality because all people have unique traits that shine through, whether they’re an Enneagram Type 9 or anything else in between.

Cianna Garrison

Cianna Garrison holds a B.A. in English from Arizona State University and works as a freelance writer. She fell in love with psychology and personality type theory back in 2011. Since then, she has enjoyed continually learning about the 16 personality types. As an INFJ, she lives for the creative arts, and even when she isn’t working, she’s probably still writing.

Reflections from an Enneagram Nine

Posted on by DrToni

 Learning to Face Conflict and Take Action

The first time I heard about the Enneagram was in my parents’ living room about eight years ago. My mom, a Four, had recently become a little obsessed and printed off descriptions of every number. She thought she had me pegged as a Two. Or maybe a Nine. (As an aside, you’re not supposed to type other people; figuring out your Enneagram space is a personal process. I’ve heard an Enneagram instructor even suggest trying on a number like an outfit; wear it around for a while and see how it fits. If it’s a little wonky, try on another one. She herself wore around the Two for a whole year before settling in as a Four.) Even though you should let people discover their number on their own, it’s hard not to at least wonder what your offspring might be, so my mom handed me the description of a Two.

As I read it over I could see parts of myself. I’m caring and kind and generous, I thought. Yeah, this could be my number. Then she handed me a description of a Nine, and a sentence into reading it I knew I’d found my Enneagram home: the Peacemaker. It’s not that I couldn’t see myself in the description of a Two anymore (in fact, Nines often have a hard time figuring out what number they are because they can easily see themselves in every number—and Twos in particular have some very similar qualities), but the Nine struck a deep chord.

The Beauty of Nines

Calm, content, even-tempered, and most of all, conflict avoidant, the Nine fit me. As Nines, we come across as easygoing, but it takes a lot of energy to maintain that calm exterior. We work hard to keep our inner peace by putting up barriers that both protect us from the storms threatening us from the outside world and that also keep upsetting thoughts and feelings from bubbling up inside of us, particularly anger. As such, we prefer to let life take its course and we will do whatever we can to keep the boat from rocking. The most telltale marker of this is the Nine’s desire to avoid conflict at all cost, fearing that any clash may put our relationships and our sense of peace at risk. We like to be comfortable, physically and emotionally. In other words, Nines are hobbits and happy to be so.

There are wonderful things about being a Nine. In Alice Fryling’s book Mirror for the Soul, she reflects that Nines remind us that God is peaceful. Nines have the potential to be great mediators and listeners, seeing both sides of an issue, and also bringing a calming presence to the people around us. We love easily and are slow to judge others, preferring to allow people the freedom to get where they’re going at their own pace. Sounds pretty great, right? (At least, as a Nine, this sounds pretty great to me!)

I know it’s true of myself that I am quick to listen and slow to judge. I’m easy to get along with and have been told many times in my life that I’m a good and empathetic listener. I put people at ease and help them feel heard. I also know how to be diplomatic, and when two people are heated, I can easily phrase points of view in such a way as to keep hackles from rising. I have found, particularly with complex family dynamics, that this can be a great gift to those around me. It’s also exhausting, however, because I would much prefer that we all just get along all the time.

The Ugliness of Nines

Which leads me to the fact that those same things that are so lovable about being a Nine are also our weaknesses. As Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile explain in their book, The Road Back to You, “Any number’s blight is merely a distortion of that number’s blessing.” A Nine’s besetting sin is sloth, which reveals itself in myriad ways. Nines can ignore, or even stomp down, our own dreams, desires, and opinions, fearing that to do otherwise might risk conflict with the people we love (what if their desires come up against our own?). We also procrastinate in making decisions and completing tasks by distracting ourselves with just about anything else, most often with things that take the least effort and offer us the most comfort. Nines (at least the average and unhealthy ones) are not fully engaged with life; we are out of touch with our emotions, particularly anger, that might force us to acknowledge our desires and tap into the drive we need to achieve them.

I remember that when I was a little girl I once needed to ask some adults in my life to tell me adjectives that describe me for a school project. I don’t remember every word I was given, but I do remember one: space cadet. It came from a neighbor friend, and it wasn’t very flattering, which is probably why it sticks out in my head, but it was also true. And still is. My family lovingly calls my moments of daydreaming “talking to the fairies.” Spacing out is how I’ve always coped with life; it’s easier to withdraw into my own mind than to confront whatever is overwhelming me.

My fear of conflict has even become paralyzing at times. Things that other people would see as insignificant I turn into huge roadblocks, fearing that confronting the issue would put my relationship with another person at risk. And for the past year or two, the world at large has been full of conflict, not to mention my own life. It’s been hard for this Nine to stay awake and engaged when there is potential for confrontation around every corner. I have a hard time keeping my foot on the gas pedal of life when it’s so much easier for me to put on cruise control.

That is all a hard pill for me to swallow. I know that God has given me unique gifts, not just as a Nine, but as me, Katie. I know I have a tendency to ignore those gifts because it gives me the impression of peace. But really it’s coasting. In The Road Back to You, Cron and Stabile say, “The absence of conflict is not the presence of peace, which requires work and risk.” Allowing myself, or even more, allowing God to awaken dreams and opinions and ambitions in me is a real challenge—one that I feel ready to move into when I’m healthy, but when I’m not, I get stuck in my own inertia.

On the other hand, in terms of how I relate to God, the Nines have a unique advantage. Christianity is filled with mystery—mystery that sometimes seems paradoxical. I have always been okay with paradox; I can hold it in each hand and easily say, “Both of these things are true,” without hesitation and with wonder, seeing it from all sides and every angle. This comes from my God-given nature as a Nine.

Finding My True Self

I am still coming to fully understand all my Nine-ness—how it has shaped me and how I can move into my “true self” (as the Enneagram teaches). The Enneagram is a tool to move you forward, not a destination at which to land. I recognize my tendency to sit in my inertia, and my distractibility from the task at hand when I do attempt to get things done. I also know that, irony of all ironies, I have lost at least one friendship because of my inability to handle confrontation. I’m still on the path to real peacefulness—both naming and working toward my desires and truly facing conflict when it arises. It’s hard, and I’m no expert, but the Enneagram has helped me face parts of myself I am not sure I could even name before.

One passion that I have tapped into is my love of reading. It could certainly aid and abet my slothfulness—what could be better for a Nine than sitting on the couch and drifting into the real or imagined lives of other people? But instead it’s propelled me into some creative pursuits that push me out of my comfort zone. Two years ago I started a YouTube channel where I talk about books, and I have a similar account on Instagram. Both platforms give me an opportunity to work my creative muscles, talk about something I love, and even face some conflict head on (How do I handle it when someone hates a book I’ve recommended? How do I respond when someone leaves me a nasty comment on one of my videos?).

I didn’t start talking about books on a public platform in order to lean into those aspects of being a Nine that need reconciling, but that has been the biggest benefit of doing so. I’ve pursued something that I love with intentionality and drive, a feat in its own right, and I’ve been challenged to be forthright with my opinions, which often brings about conflict, albeit mostly on a small scale and sometimes only imagined. Still, those are real achievements for a Nine—especially this Nine!

It would be a lie to say that I have come to a place of complete health. I slip and slide around the healthy and unhealthy spectrum of Nine-ness. And I definitely still fear conflict most of the time. But I also recognize the gift of being a Nine; it does have its perks. Being introduced to the Enneagram has helped me to better understand myself, appreciate the gifts that Nines bring to the kingdom of God and my relationship with the Lord and with those around me, and begin facing and working through my sloth and conflict avoidance. I have far to go, but I don’t feel like I’m journeying blind, either.

Katie Ziegler

Katie works as a writer on InterVarsity’s Communications Team.

Type Nine

Posted on by DrToni

Personality Style NINE: The Peaceful Person

Core Value Tendency: NINES are attracted to and value peace, harmony, and unity. They desire to make the world an ecumenical, harmonious, conflict-free place to live in. They like being peaceful, calm, and ordered and prefer to go with the flow. The universe is unfolding as it should and they see no need to push the river since it’s flowing fine by itself. Being at one with yourself and your surroundings is what life is all about.

Adaptive Cognitive Schema: The objective vision that keeps NINES aligned with their true nature and with reality is the realization of their unity with the universe and their functioning according to the same laws that govern everyone else. This gives them their sense of peace, harmony, integration, and oneness with all reality. They further believe that the laws of the universe are warm and loving (vs cold and indifferent) since they have given birth to organic, living, warm creatures. Teleology is built right into the laws of the cosmos. There is a value and meaning, a purpose and direction that is manifest in all that is.

Adaptive Emotional Schema: The state that accompanies the NINES’ objective paradigm is action, love wishing to pass itself on. Action flows naturally from a sense of gratitude for being loved, from the recognition that one is capable of loving, and from the desire to do something in return. Action arises when individuals want to actualize and transcend themselves by connecting with other people and with the Source of the universe.

Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: Behavior that flows from a realization of being loved and loving, responding gratefully, and appreciating harmony, includes the abilities to reconcile opposites, find agreement, be diplomatic and allowing, and have an intuitive sense for when things fit together. NINES are easy going, calm, reassuring, non-pretentious, and relaxedly focused.

Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When NINES exaggerate their peaceful qualities, they over-identify with the idealized self image of I am settled. To compensate for a maladaptive belief that they are not important enough to be cared about or don’t matter enough to be listened to, and to keep themselves from feeling neglected, NINES develop an attitude of resignation: “What’s the big deal? Why get upset? Nothing is that important. We’re not around that long anyway. Whatever we do will be undone eventually so why exert so much effort?” NINES settle in for the duration and go on automatic pilot. They neglect what is most important to them and fidget with distractions.

Maladaptive Emotional Schema: Along with the disposition to neglect what is essential, NINES experience the passion of indolence. They turn down their energy, settle into a comfortable routine, procrastinate, diffuse their attention, and don’t take care of business.

Maladaptive Behavioral Schema: Perceiving the world as neglectful and indifferent, and feeling indolent about what matters most to them, NINES merge with the identities and agendas of others and forget about their own goals and desires. They lose themselves in the opinions, feelings, and aims of others. What others are thinking and pursuing become more compelling than what they want. Postponing decisions and actions, NINES let their life take its course or let life happen to them. They become inattentive and fall asleep to their deepest desires.

What is Avoided: Because they are trying to be settled, NINES avoid any kind of conflict. They don’t allow themselves to get too enthusiastic about anything important. They avoid differences and highlight sameness and agreement. It’s difficult enough for NINES to locate their own ideas, feelings, and ambitions, let alone to assert them and act on them. NINES avoid focusing, discriminating, and prioritizing. If everything is the same, it’s difficult to make a decision. At the same time any decision they make has equal merit or weight.

Defensive Maneuvers: NINES ward off conflictual impulses and situations by numbing themselves and those around them. This is called narcoticization. When NINES say it doesn’t matter, they are also implying they don’t matter and you don’t matter. One way to avoid disappointment is to lower or eliminate your expectations. Nothing can hurt you if you don’t let anything matter or get to you.

Childhood Development: NINES were the non-noticed children. They sensed their caretakers didn’t pay enough attention to them, had other more important things to do, or, perhaps, didn’t love them or care about them. Just as their caretakers neglected them, so NINES learned to neglect themselves. Instead of expressing themselves, they distracted themselves. Instead of feeling the pain of not being sufficiently cared for, they resigned themselves for the duration, numbed out, learned to not let things get to them, and assumed a laissez – faire attitude. NINES were the not noticed children.

Non-Resourceful State: When NINES are under stress, they become more resigned, more shut down, more asleep, and avoid their issues even more. They put off doing what needs to be done, engage themselves with inconsequential activities, daydream or sleep more. If that doesn’t work, they may become obsessive and compulsive about the work they’re doing. They may become overly responsible, dutiful, scrupulous, fearful, ruminative, and worrying. They doubt themselves and seek the affirmation of some outside authority.

Resourceful State: When NINES are in a resourceful relaxed state, they focus and differentiate instead of distracting themselves or merging and becoming confluent. They stay awake and are aware. They are prompt and act decisively. They don’t put off until tomorrow what they can do today. They express their own opinion, feeling, preference. They believe they are loved and cared for and start caring for themselves. They think of themselves as being successful, professional, efficient, and competent. They believe they do matter and their actions in the world make a difference. Unblocking their feelings, they let their own energy flow into action instead of living off of others’ energy. They assume an active stance, allowing their love to pass itself on through action. I am therefore I matter replaces I don’t matter, so what’s the big deal?

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