Category: Enneagram Theory

Type Eight

Posted on by DrToni

Personality Style EIGHT: The Powerful Person

Core Value Tendency: EIGHTS are attracted to and appreciate power. They desire to be strong, independent, straightforward, assertive persons, who use their strength and influence to make the world a more just place to live in. They value equity, the equal distribution of power, and show a concern for the underprivileged and disenfranchised. Being your own person, doing your own thing, protecting your own is what life is all about.

Adaptive Cognitive Schema: The objective principle that keeps EIGHTS aligned with their real self and with reality is the realization that the laws of the universe are inherently just and that what goes around, comes around. Justice means EIGHTS don’t have to enforce or vindicate the laws of the universe. Justice will out and the universe will ultimately be fair. “Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord” vs saith the EIGHT.

Adaptive Emotional Schema: Innocence is the attitude that flows from the EIGHTS’ objective paradigm and keeps EIGHTS connected to their better self, to others, and to reality. Innocence is the disposition of not harming, expressed by the attitude of why would you want to harm anyone and why would anyone want to harm you. Innocence experiences each moment freshly, approaching life and expressing love as a childlike response to the current situation without cynical judgments or jaded expectations.

Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: Forceful actions that follow from a proper understanding of justice and from an attitude of innocence are tempered by a compassionate concern for oneself and others. EIGHTS can tell the truth, tell it like it is, in a way that is challenging and up-building while not being punitive or tearing down. They are self confident, self-assured, magnanimous, good leaders, energized by a challenge and appreciating a good contest. EIGHTS can move against others to get what they need and to protect their territory. They can take charge, act on their own, and get things done. They enjoy exerting energy, protecting the weak, and empowering the disenfranchised.

Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When EIGHTS exaggerate their powerful qualities, they over-identify with the idealized self image of I am powerful; I can do. To compensate for the maladaptive beliefs that they are going to be neglected, not listened to, and not have their needs met, and that they are going to be affronted and taken advantage of, they become overly offensive. On the lookout for challenges and injustices, they survive by being strong, tough, and fierce.

Maladaptive Emotional Schema: As a consequence of perceiving the world as hard, hostile, and uncaring, EIGHTS experience the passion of lust. For fear they are not going to get what is their due, they grab as much as they can. You only go around once in life, so live it with all the gusto you can. EIGHTS do everything with intensity. They work hard, play hard, love hard, etc.

Maladaptive Behavioral Schema: Perceiving the world as hostile, and feeling lustful and intense much of the time, EIGHTS develop a forceful, grabbing, take charge attitude toward the world. They use their power to protect and aggrandize themselves vs building up their community. Going beyond assertion, they move against others in aggressive intimidating behaviors. Becoming overbearing and intimidating to get heard and get their way, they can become bullies.

What is Avoided: Since they need to feel and appear strong, EIGHTS avoid any kind of weakness. To show weakness or inadequacy would give others power over them. They are slow to show their feminine, compassionate, kindly, gentle side. While it is easy for EIGHTS to express their anger, they find it difficult to express their tender warm emotions or their fragile feelings like fear, sadness, and embarrassment. Being comfortable with moving against others, they find it difficult to move towards or away from others.

Defensive Maneuvers: EIGHTS ward off any tender feelings or manifestations of weakness by denial. They simply deny any presence of what they consider to be weakness, such as kindness, considerateness, sensitivity, etc. They debunk and put down any show of sentimentality, suffering, error, etc.

Childhood Development: Some EIGHTS may have had caretakers who were aggressive or abusive, and so they learned how to fight by imitating them. They learned that the world was a hostile or unjust place and the way to survive was to be tough and make sure you were treated fairly. If they had to seek vengeance or get even to maintain the balance of power, then so be it. Mistrusting incompetent authorities, EIGHTS felt secure when they were in control. They understood they had to stand up for their own rights and not count on others to do so for them. They learned they had to stand up to people.

Non-Resourceful State: When EIGHTS are under stress, they try to be tougher, more aggressive, more in control. If their influence doesn’t work on others, they may turn their power against themselves, beat up on themselves, get depressed, and withdraw. Instead of exploding, they implode their energy and isolate themselves. They may feel inadequate and unable to influence the situation. They may intellectualize instead of sympathize. They may exaggerate their independence even more and not let others support or comfort them.

Resourceful State: When EIGHTS are in a resourceful relaxed state, they believe that the world is just and that justice will come about without their having to seek vengeance. They trust others and respect their rights as much as they demand respect for their own rights. Assuming an attitude of innocence, they use their power to build others up and help them vs intimidating or debunking them. In touch with their tender gentle side, they are compassionate toward themselves and others. They personify the saying: There is nothing stronger than true gentleness and nothing gentler than true strength. I am therefore I am powerfully present replaces Yeah, though I walk through the Valley of Darkness, I shall fear no evil, for I am the meanest SOB in the valley.

Type Seven

Posted on by DrToni

Personality Style SEVEN: The Joyful Person

Core Value Tendency: SEVENS are attracted to and value joy, variety, and excitement. They desire to be happy persons, seeking to make the world a more delightful place to live in. SEVENS want to taste and experience all the possibilities life has to offer. Having fun and being positive is what life is all about.

Adaptive Cognitive Schema: The objective vision that keeps SEVENS aligned with their true nature and with reality is the realization that reality exists only in the here and now and reality unfolds through action and work in the present. Perspiration is as important as inspiration. Living in accordance with what is, with the objective plan of the universe is more satisfying than living out of one’s own unrealistic plans and fantasies.

Adaptive Emotional Schema: The condition that accompanies the SEVENS’ objective paradigm is sobriety, which involves a sense of proportion. Sobriety means living a balanced life in the present moment. The sober person takes in only as much as is needed and expends only as much energy as is called for. Fulfillment comes from living a temperate reasonable life-style. Happiness is the result of living and working in the present.

Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: Persistent work in the present and bringing projects to completion are behaviors that flow from responsible action and the virtue of sobriety. Work and play become indistinguishable when you do what you love and love what you’re doing. SEVENS have a great appreciation for life and want to celebrate and enjoy it. Able to find some good in everything, they have a childlike responsiveness to the world. Optimistic, vivacious, creative, and full of interesting ideas, they have an intuition for future possibilities and are great visionaries. They have a sense for what might go right, what will be a happy outcome.

Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When SEVENS exaggerate their joyful qualities, they over-identify with the idealized self image of I am O.K. To compensate for a maladaptive belief that their options are limited and they are on the verge of being bored or depressed, they overindulge the pleasure principle, seeking to maximize enjoyment and minimize pain. They dislike having their options limited by the reality principle that says they must accommodate to what is and occasionally do what they have to do vs only doing what they want to do. They become compulsively optimistic, seeing the world through rose-colored glasses. They become addicted to highs and only want to have good experiences. By staying up, SEVENS try to avoid every feeling down.

Maladaptive Emotional Schema: By believing they must stay above and ahead of pain, SEVENS experience the passion of gluttony, if a little pleasure is good, more enjoyment is better. SEVENS develop a hedonistic approach to life seeking to spice up their life by having ever more interesting and exciting experiences. They opt for a fun-filled if not a fulfilled life.

Maladaptive Behavioral Schema: Perceiving the world as their oyster and fostering a glutinous life style, SEVENS are driven to make things more exciting and fun. They overindulge their imaginations, coming up with fantastic schemes and plans. They keep proposing new options and possibilities. They find it difficult to stay with one project or relationship for a long period of time. They may flit from one interest to another, filling their lives with fluff.

What is Avoided: Because they are trying hard to be happy, SEVENS avoid experiencing or expressing any pain or suffering. When something or someone ceases to be fun, SEVENS may drop them and move on to more novel adventures. They get nervous when they only have one thing to attend to or only have one option available. They don’t believe any good can come from quiet and darkness and instead seek distractions and light, whether it be light-hearted or light-headed. They avoid getting too heavy or serious.

Defensive Maneuvers: SEVENS avoid suffering and pain through sublimation. They program their computers for pleasant experiences and nothing computes or reaches them that’s not nice. They look for the silver lining in dark clouds and make sure everything comes up roses. Like alchemists, SEVENS turn dross materials and drab circumstances into precious experiences and happenings. Even death becomes an interesting trip.

Childhood Development: SEVENS learned that a little sugar helps the medicine go down and honey gets you what you need faster than lemon can. A cheerful pleasant disposition pleased their parents and got them approval. Entertaining others and being the life of the party brought its social rewards. SEVENS may not have experienced much pain or humiliation in their childhood, or if they did, they laughed at their hurt instead of being brought down by it. They found that people were more interested in their stories than in their pain so they became master storytellers.

Non-Resourceful State: When SEVENS are under stress, they may intellectualize, spiritualize, sublimate, and plan more to avoid confronting painful situations. They get further into fantasy and farther from doing. They may try to avoid work more, distract themselves, and attempt to lighten things up. If all of the above don’t work, they may get resentful, critical, and disappointed that reality is raining on their parade and their fantastic expectations aren’t being met.

Resourceful State: When SEVENS are in a resourceful relaxed state, they channel their energies and stay focused vs scattering and getting distracted. They say to themselves: “I am wise and perceptive” instead of I’m a lightweight. They put their creative bursts and inspirations into a system and structure. They stay with a project or interest, going deeply into it, until they really understand and savor the experience instead of being a dilettante. Now able to be still and observant, they appreciate silence and solitude. Practicing detachment and sobriety, they stay in the present taking in only as much as they need and expending only as much energy as the situation requires. I am therefore I delight replaces I have to be up to be accepted.

Type Six

Posted on by DrToni

 

Personality Style SIX: The Loyal Person

Core Value Tendency: SIXES are attracted to and value loyalty. They desire to be faithful, conscientious, responsible persons, keeping their word and honoring their commitments. They want to make the world a safer, more secure, more reliable, trustworthy place to live in. Doing your duty and honoring your traditions is what life is all about.

Adaptive Cognitive Schema: Faith is the objective principle that keeps SIXES connected to their true self and to reality. When SIXES believe in themselves and in their inner authority, they have the certitude that they are already on the side of Being. The Force is with them. They believe the universe is ultimately trustworthy and is out to do them well, not to do them in. When SIXES are in touch with their genuine self and others’ true selves, they are neither afraid nor need to prove their strength and loyalty. Courage and commitment are naturally present.

Adaptive Emotional Schema: The state that accompanies the SIXES objective paradigm is courage, an inner strength that comes from being in touch with one’s inner self and with the objective laws of reality. Courage involves taking responsibility for one’s own beliefs, decisions, and actions. It is the “courage to be” oneself. Any organism spontaneously responds to protect itself and what it values.

Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: Faith and courage lead to being semper fidelis and semper paratus, always faithful and always prepared. SIXES actively scan their surroundings for what might go wrong. They have an intuitive sense for danger and so are rarely caught off guard. SIXES respond well in emergencies because they are usually prepared for them. When crises arise, they respond spontaneously and effectively. Since SIXES are conscientious, responsible, and value doing their duty, they make excellent stabilizers and maintainers in organizations and systems. They can be trusted to be reliable leaders and faithful followers. Because they keep their word, SIXES manifest a stick-to-it-ness and their commitments can be counted on.

Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When SIXES exaggerate their loyal qualities, they over-identify with the idealized self image of I am loyal; I do my duty. To compensate for a set of maladaptive beliefs that they are not strong or faithful enough, that they may be cast out of their group, that they are likely to be harmed, they become overly suspicious and circumspect, doubting their own orthodoxy and ability to protect themselves and doubting the good intentions of others. The world is seen as a dangerous place that needs to be monitored, guarded against, and restrained.

Maladaptive Emotional Schema: As a consequence of living in an unpredictable and hostile world, SIXES experience the passion of fear. Mistrusting their own common sense and inner authority, they fear they may not be up to the task or challenge, and may let others and especially authority down. They fear the judgments and actions of authorities.

Maladaptive Behavioral Schema: Perennially perceiving the world as threatening and dangerous, and feeling fearful most of the time, SIXES adopt either a phobic or counterphobic stance. From a fearful reactionary place, they let their worries inhibit them, doubting their decisions and delaying their actions. From a counter-fearful position, they impulsively push through their fears, often recklessly pursuing, attacking, or acting out the very thing they are afraid of.

What is Avoided: Seeking to be safe, phobic SIXES avoid being rebellious or devious. Counterphobic SIXES avoid being caught off guard with no exits. SIXES avoid ambiguous ideas, positions, relationships, and situations. They want things clear and want to know where other people really stand on issues. They can be dogmatic, fanatic, vigilantes, brave and daring to compensate for feeling phobic. SIXES may avoid making their own judgments and decisions without the confirmation of someone else. They don’t trust their spontaneous reactions.

Defensive Maneuvers: SIXES ward off unacceptable impulses and behaviors by projecting them onto others, thereby keeping them away from their sense of self. Instead of acknowledging their own anger at having their inner authority encroached or disrespected, SIXES project their anger onto others and then experience the world as hostile and threatening. They give away their authority and then either fearfully go along with what they are told or challenge any external authority in a reactionary manner. SIXES may either become defenders of the faith or conscientious objectors.

Childhood Development: SIXES often had caretakers who did not wield their authority well. They may have been abusive, authoritarian, absent, overly protective, or inconsistent. SIXES learned the world was dangerous and unreliable. They developed a wary ambivalent attitude toward authority figures. Either they wanted to get authority on their side to protect them or they needed to oppose authority to protect themselves. Their “fearful mind” developed to help them sense and ward off danger, protecting them from being caught off guard or betrayed.

Non-Resourceful State: When SIXES are under stress, they trust themselves less and become more worrisome and indecisive. They might become more dogmatic and orthodox to resolve their doubts. Or they might become more suspicious of others and be more rebellious against any form of authority. They take on more projects, get busy and run around instead of dealing with their inner fears. They may assume a role or identify within some group to feel more secure, becoming devoted followers or loyal middle managers.

Resourceful State: When SIXES are in a resourceful relaxed state, they get in touch with their inner authority. They trust their instincts and have faith in themselves. They accept the responsibility for their own choices and act on them courageously. They believe they can take care of themselves in an emergency. They believe the world is on their side vs against them. They remain calm and say to themselves: “I am settled” vs I am upset. They make molehills out of mountains instead of vice versa, realizing they tend to imagine the worst, blow things out of proportion, and see danger and evil intentions where there are only inconveniences and inadvertences. They find truth in all sides of an issue vs polarizing issues into who is on their side and who is against them. I am therefore I am courageous replaces I am loyal therefore I’m O.K.

Posted in Six

Type Five

Posted on by DrToni

Personality Style FIVE: The Wise Person

Core Value Tendency: FIVES are attracted to and value wisdom, knowledge, and learning. They want to understand the world and make it a more reasonable place to live in. Having insights, learning about the nature of things, and seeing how everything fits together is what life is all about.

Adaptive Cognitive Schema: The objective vision that keeps FIVES aligned with their true nature and with reality is the realization that real understanding and wisdom come from experience, participation, being involved with people and the world. And being known, seen, and revealed (transparent) is just as vital as knowing, seeing, and revealing.

Adaptive Emotional Schema: The state that accompanies the FIVES’ objective paradigm is non-attachment, which is the experience of love as flowing in and out vs being withheld from outside and bottled up inside. The energy of life flows freely into and out of the self. The detached person takes in just what is needed and lets the rest go. The world is engaged and joined for the mutual enrichment of both world and self.

Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: The combination of an appreciation of wisdom as involvement and interaction along with the state of non-attachment lead to the ability to both detach and be observant and synthetically get the whole picture as well as analytically getting to the heart or essence of the matter. FIVES inner observer or fair witness is well developed allowing them dispassionately and objectively to consider situations and events. They can put together disparate pieces of information into a unified system and distill complex situations into concise insights and pithy statements. FIVES can move ideas and images around in their head facilely. They can communicate clearly and succinctly. They are comfortable with solitude.

Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When FIVES exaggerate their intellectual qualities, they over-identify with the idealized self image of I am wise and perceptive. To compensate for the maladaptive belief that they don’t know enough to act assuredly and assertively and so are inadequate, and to keep themselves safe from criticism, they try to be wise and invisible. FIVES don’t want to look foolish. They move away from involvement and up into their heads. They believe if you don’t know what they’re thinking, you can’t criticize them. And if you don’t know their position, you can’t shoot them down. FIVES are overly sensitive and may exaggerate or misperceive intrusions, demands, being engulfed and taken over. They believe the world is depriving and/or intrusive. FIVES don’t want to look foolish.

Maladaptive Emotional Schema: As a consequence of moving away from the world and attempting to live solely from their own resources, FIVES experience the passion of avarice. They are greedy for knowledge and information to keep them safe and unassailable and are stingy with their ideas, feelings, time energy, etc. Operating from a scarcity mentality, FIVES hold on to what they have and withhold from others lest what they have be taken away from them.

Maladaptive Behavioral Schema: Perceiving the world as depriving and intrusive, and feeling greedy and avaricious about this uncaring state of affairs, FIVES are inclined to move away from the world, retreating into the sanctuary and privacy of their minds. They tend to be loners who view life from the sidelines. They need to understand something completely before they make a decision and act. It is difficult for FIVES to move against people and confront them to protect their space and ask for what they want. It’s also difficult to move toward people and express affection. FIVES are afraid of and avoid their feelings and go instead to their ideas. It’s hard for FIVES to stay connected or be too exposed.

What is Avoided: Because they want to appear wise and guard their privacy, FIVES avoid feeling empty or being emptied. FIVES avoid situations where they don’t know what they are supposed to do. Knowing the guidelines, the rules of the game, what is expected and allowed helps them enter the game. When they are afraid they’ll be taken advantage of, they stay out of the game.

Defensive Maneuvers: FIVES ward off uncomfortable feelings and situations through isolation and compartmentalization. To avoid feeling empty or drained, FIVES isolate themselves in their heads away from the intrusions of their feelings and other people. They separate or compartmentalize their thoughts from their feelings. That’s why when you ask FIVES what they’re feeling, they tell you what they’re thinking. They also separate one time or period of their life from another. With FIVES, out of sight tends to be out of mind vs making the heart grow fonder.

Childhood Development: FIVES may have experienced their parenting figures as being either too intrusive or too aloof and depriving. They didn’t experience their environment as empathic, as coming to them when they needed something and leaving them alone when they were playing contentedly. As a result they withdrew and began to do everything alone. By distancing and dissociating themselves from what was going on around them, they felt safer. To survive, FIVES learned to keep their feelings and thoughts to themselves. The intellectual world became more controllable and secure than the world of feelings and the interpersonal world.

Non-Resourceful State: When FIVES are under stress and do more of the same, they remove themselves and retreat further into their heads. They feel inadequate and unable to influence the situation and so withdraw. They become contemptuous of others instead of reaching out to them. They fear pain and avoid it. They rationalize or trivialize to avoid being assertive. They get into planning instead of doing. They distract themselves or space out instead of focusing, deciding and acting.

Resourceful State: When FIVES are in a resourceful relaxed state, they get in touch with their personal power and energy. They say to themselves: “I am powerful; I can do.” They move down into their body and feelings instead of up into their head and thoughts. They insert themselves in the situation, believing they can change it. They move towards and against others as well as away from them. They make contact and get engaged and learn through experience vs vicariously. They set boundaries for themselves directly rather than by withdrawing. They ask for what they need and let go of what they don’t need. I am therefore I think and I am connected replaces I think therefore I am and I think in order to figure out how I’m supposed to be and how I’m supposed to get connected.
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Type Four

Posted on by DrToni

Personality Style FOUR: The Original Person

Core Value Tendency: FOURS are attracted to and value originality, authenticity, individuality, and artistic expression. They desire to be sensitive, refined persons, seeking to make the world more beautiful. They value the inner journey and are on the quest for the Holy Grail, their real self. Honoring your uniqueness and deeply connecting to others and to the world is what life is all about.

Adaptive Cognitive Schema: The objective vision that keeps FOURS aligned with their true nature and with reality is the realization that they are already original. They already are in possession of what they are searching for. The treasure is buried in the field of their inner self. They are already connected to their source, the ground of their being and so are already connected to their real self and to the real selves of others. They realize they belong in this world and are not missing anything essential.

Adaptive Emotional Schema: The state that accompanies the FOURS’ objective paradigm is equanimity, the experience of inner balance and outer harmony. A person in the state of equanimity feels complete and fulfilled in the present moment. Each moment they have everything they need to be perfectly happy. Events are responded to in a realistic appropriate manner without exaggeration or dramatization.

Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: The attitudes and actions that flow from an acceptance of one’s authentic inner nature and from a state of equanimity are an exquisite sensitivity, appreciation and respect for all that is. FOURS have an intuitive aesthetic sense and an innate sense for quality; that is, they have good taste and class. Their sensibilities put them in touch with their own and others’ moods, being especially attuned to pain and suffering. FOURS have a highly active imagination and fantasy life. They are romantic, nostalgic, and poetic. FOURS like to ritualize human experiences, making the ordinary extraordinary and the extraordinary ordinary. They can see the universe in a grain of sand and can turn a grain of sand into a pearl. FOURS easily attune themselves to the mood and spirit of their surroundings.

Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When FOURS exaggerate their sensitive qualities and uniqueness, they over-identify with the idealized self image of I am special and unique. To compensate for a maladaptive belief that they are defective and faulty, and to prevent themselves from being abandoned, they seek to be special. To survive they believe they must be highly individual and make a lasting impression on people so they won’t be forgotten. They believe they must outclass their opponents. Their habit of attention goes to what is missing instead of to what is there.

Maladaptive Emotional Schema: Constantly comparing themselves to others and consistently coming up short, FOURS experience the passion of envy. Others appear to have what they are missing: spontaneity, relationships, happiness, etc. FOURS feel melancholy, apart from the main, misunderstood. Their suffering makes them special

Maladaptive Behavioral Schema: Perceiving the world as abandoning, and feeling envious of others’ qualities and possessions, FOURS are driven to make themselves special and uncommon. They become dramatic, moody, misunderstood, tragic romantics, pushing themselves to live at the edges of experience. Fantasies become more satisfying than real life. Relationships are passionately engaged in and just as intensely pushed away. Seeking connections, FOURS fear abandonment, and become aloof and feel alienated.

What is Avoided: Because they want to be special, FOURS avoid being ordinary. Being common, just like everyone else, is the worst thing FOURS can imagine. Living within the middle range of experience, without extreme highs and lows, is boring and deadening.

Defensive Maneuvers: FOURS steer away from being ordinary through uncommon experiences and expressions. No one feels as deeply as they do, no one experiences life in the same way they do. Mere words are not enough to express their responses; they need poetry, music, dance, painting, some kind of artistic sublimation to capture their experience.

Childhood Development: FOURS often felt abandoned or unwanted by a parent or caretaker. They believed this was because there was something wrong with them or they weren’t good enough. So they tried to make themselves into special persons that would be noticed and not left behind. If they made a strong emotional impact, others wouldn’t leave them. FOURS thought of themselves as living at the extremes, at the edges, instead of in the middle with everyone else. Very early on they felt different from others, as though they were delivered to the wrong planet.

Non-Resourceful State: When FOURS are under stress, they do more of the same, that is, they exaggerate their moods, feel more misunderstood and hurt, and become aristocrats in exile. They turn their anger on themselves and get more depressed. FOURS get stuck in their feelings instead of letting them energize them into constructive action. Denying their own needs and helping others instead of dealing with their own pain, they become suffering servants.

Resourceful State: When FOURS are in a resourceful relaxed state, they seek and find wholeness within them. They get connected to their real feelings vs abandoning themselves then looking for fulfillment from someone else. They stay in the present and realize that right now they have all they need to be perfectly happy. They aren’t missing anything. They re-own their goodness. Taking an action oriented, problem-centered approach, they stay with the facts and don’t exaggerate their emotional response or amplify the stimuli. They maintain their equanimity. They believe they are already original, connected, and belong. They understand they are home and already have what they are looking for. I am and so I am both unique and universal replaces I am special therefore I am somebody.

 

Type Three

Posted on by DrToni

Personality Style THREE: The Effective Person

Core Value Tendency: THREES are attracted to and value efficiency, industriousness, and competence. They want to be productive persons, seeking to make the world a more efficient place to live in. Bringing projects to completion, accomplishing goals, working effectively is what life is about. The cosmos is an orderly harmonious system and THREES work to keep it running smoothly.

Adaptive Cognitive Schema: Hope is the principle and attitude THREES have to keep them living in the real world. Hope believes the cosmos works effectively within and according to its own laws. It will continue to run smoothly even when THREES are not working. Entropy won’t occur the instant THREES take time off. The most effective way to function is in harmony with these natural, personal, and social norms and processes.

Adaptive Emotional Schema: The state that accompanies THREES objective paradigm is truthfulness, the acceptance and expression of their inner self as it actually is without covering, exaggerating, or marketing it with external images, roles, and personas. THREES remain true to themselves and their commitments vs assuming whatever appearance they believe will make them look successful in the eyes of others.

Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: THREES have a natural organizational ability, easily assessing a situation, setting goals, and working efficiently and single mindedly toward them. They know how to get things done. They are optimistic, enthusiastic, and self confident. THREES are motivated and motivating. Being good salespeople, they intuitively know how to present themselves and their product. They can translate ideas into workable saleable systems. They are good team people and effective managers. They are pragmatic and can compromise to get projects on line and accomplished. They have the ability to sense what others want and expect from them and can adapt to fit that image thereby winning people over to their side.

Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When THREES exaggerate their efficient qualities, they over-identify with the idealized self image of I am successful. To compensate for their maladaptive belief that they are failures and will be rejected, they become over-programmed, overly efficient, and can become workaholics.

Maladaptive Emotional Schema: Perceiving themselves as successful entrepreneurs, THREES believe they are above normal protocols and are not constrained by the laws and conventions that others live by. They deceive themselves and others into believing how successful they are. Their energy goes into their image, their public self, and the persona they think others want them to be. Over identifying with their roles and projects, they convince themselves this is who they really are.

Maladaptive Behavioral Schemas: Perceiving the world as disorganized, and presenting themselves as efficiency experts, THREES become workaholics, falling into Type A behavior, driven to succeed and climb the ladder of status and prestige. It’s hard for THREES to stay with their own feelings, desires, and preferences. It’s important to them to look good not to feel good. Work takes precedence over self. It’s conflictual for THREES to do something unpopular, to espouse values that get unfavorable audience response. They are pragmatists. The end justifies the means. If it works, it’s good.

What is Avoided: Since they strive to be successful, THREES avoid failure. They don’t undertake projects unless they sense they can complete them. Their motto is: In life there are no failures, only learning experiences.

Defensive Maneuvers: THREES avoid failure by identification with their successful image, role, and projects. They change appearances, careers, interests in a chameleon-like manner to keep up with whatever image is currently popular.

Childhood Development: THREES got approval for their achievements. Their worth derived from what they did instead of from who they were. Performance and image were rewarded in place of personal disclosure and emotional connections with others. Looking good, getting ahead, being successful were emphasized in their family. Being adaptable helped them survive. Assuming the role and persona others wanted them to be increased their recognition, status, and prestige.

Non-Resourceful State: When THREES are under stress, they do more of the same, that is, they become more efficient and organized, work more frenetically, take on more projects, are on the go more, shake more hands, and advertise themselves more. When this doesn’t work, they turn off their smooth running machine and stop. Doubting, numbing, neglecting themselves, avoiding responsibilities, and resigning themselves to failure, they go from exertion to exhaustion. They drop out and turn off. In this depressed state, their belief is their efforts don’t matter, so what’s the difference, why bother.

Resourceful State: When THREES are in a resourceful relaxed state, they get in touch with their inner feelings, preferences, and desires. They are honest and resist changing themselves to manipulate others. They show their true colors. They are loyal to themselves and to their values. They stay with what they believe in vs switching to what is popular. They are also loyal to others. They are trustworthy as well as competent. This combination makes them good leaders. They cooperate with others vs compete with them. They trust that others will get things done in their own way and in their own time. They embrace failure as a natural part of life. This loosens the hold of their image and helps them connect with their true self and with others. Now able to say to themselves I am loyal, I do what I ought to do, they believe they are acceptable as themselves. I am therefore I am active replaces I perform and produce therefore I am O.K.
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Type Two

Posted on by DrToni

Personality Style TWO: The Loving Person

Core Value Tendency: TWOS value and are attracted to love. They want to be generous persons, seeking to make the world a more loving place to live in. Harmonious intimate mutual relationships are what life is all about.

Adaptive Cognitive Schema: The proper understanding of freedom enables TWOS to live within the natural laws and limits of reality. Interdependence, which lies between the extremes of dependence/codependence and an exaggerated independence, is the mature stance of adults. Being free means TWOS can give or not give, receive or not receive.

Adaptive Emotional Schema: The state that accompanies TWOS’ objective paradigm is humility, the virtue which realistically estimates what kind and what amount of love another needs in contrast to giving whatever is believed will bring approval to the giver. Acting as a reality principle, humility acknowledges limits and sets boundaries, enabling TWOS to say no as well as yes.

Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: The actions that follow from an understanding that love involves an ebb and flow of giving and receiving along with the habit of humility include an exquisite empathic attunement not only to the needs of others but also to their own needs. TWOS have an intuitive sense for what others need and are feeling. They are naturally giving, generous, and helpful. They feel fulfilled being able to give to others and are supportive, nurturing, considerate, and appreciative. TWOS are sociable, friendly, and approachable. They naturally move toward people with love and affection. They praise others and build them up, giving compliments easily. TWOS are natural listeners and counselors. They also speak up for others, especially the underprivileged and handicapped.

Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When TWOS exaggerate their loving qualities, they over-identify with the idealized self image of I am loving; I am helpful. To compensate for their maladaptive belief that others will not meet their needs, they turn their attention toward meeting other people’s needs, hoping that what they do unto others will be done unto them. They believe it is only after meeting others’ needs that their own will be taken care of.

Maladaptive Emotional Schema: Perceiving themselves as helpers in a needy world, TWOS believe they have unlimited resources for serving others that never need replenishing. They are not needy, but they are needed. The resultant disposition is pride. TWOS are proud of their giving nature and seek to be important is people’s lives in order to feel worthwhile.

Maladaptive Behavioral Schema: Perceiving the world as needy, and feeling proud of their self sacrificing nature, TWOS become compulsive helpers, trying to please others to get them to like them and meet their needs. TWOS give strokes to get strokes, doing for others what they hope others will do for them. Habitually moving towards people, it’s hard for TWOS to move against people in anger or confrontation. It’s conflictual for them to give negative feedback because they don’t want to hurt others. It’s also difficult for TWOS to move away from people, leaving them alone to stand on their own two feet, or fall flat on their face. The TWOS’ task is to rescue.

What is Avoided: Because they strive to be loving, TWOS avoid their own needs. To think about themselves or to express their needs would be selfish. They are reluctant to heed their own agendas, feelings, and desires.

Defensive Maneuvers: TWOS avoid their needs by repressing them so that they are not even aware of them. Or they may be aware of them, but choose to suppress them since their job is to lighten other people’s burdens not encumber them with their own needs.

Childhood Development: TWOS got approval for helping and giving and not asking for much in return. They learned how to be sweet, funny, cute, and charming to get attention and win affection. They became the parent in the family to hold things together. They learned that being pleasing and altering themselves to meet others’ needs was a good way to survive and get their needs met. Directly expressing their own needs met with indifference, disapproval, or abandonment. TWOS came to believe that their own needs wouldn’t be met until they first met other people’s needs. They are very vulnerable to rejection and not being appreciated for what they do for others. You’re nobody unless somebody loves you and you’re somebody when you’re needed.

Non-Resourceful State: When TWOS are under stress, they do more of the same, that is, they become more helpful and travel around the “rescue triangle.” On this non-resourceful journey, they first assume the role of rescuer. When they don’t get the affirmation they need and believe they deserve, they feel victimized and play the martyr, reproaching others for not appreciating and caring enough for them. They then lose touch with their gentleness and compassion and become hard and tough to protect their self-esteem. They become bitter, jaded and distrustful of others and become a persecutor, making others feel guilty and desiring to get even with them.

Resourceful State: When TWOS are in a resourceful relaxed state, they get in touch with their own needs, wants, and feelings. They put their needs on the table and negotiate getting them met. They allow others to give to them freely without doing anything to earn their love. They can say “no” even though they feel guilty. They allow others to be more autonomous and don’t foster their dependence on them. They find other ways of expressing themselves besides giving, such as developing their creative, artistic, cultured self and capacities. Now able to say to themselves I am special, they believe they are lovable just because they are. I am therefore I am loving replaces I give in order to be accepted.

 

Posted in Two

Type One

Posted on by DrToni

Personality Style ONE: The Good Person

Core Value Tendency: ONES are attracted to and value goodness. They desire to be good persons, seeking to make the world a better place to live in. They want to realize all of their potential and help others actualize theirs. They want to be all that they can be and help others do the same. Doing your best and living up to your potential is what life is all about.

Adaptive Cognitive Schema: The objective vision that keeps ONES aligned with their true nature and with reality is the realization that becoming all that they can be, coming to completion, wholeness, and perfection is a continually unfolding process vs a sooner- rather – than – later finished product. As long as ONES are living in accordance with their true nature, allowing the process of organismic self-regulation to occur, they are perfect. They cannot be other than who they are at the moment.

Adaptive Emotional Schema: The state that accompanies ONES’ objective paradigm is serenity, a sense of inner wholeness and self-support. Those who are serene are at ease with themselves, are relaxed with others, and are in touch with the present moment. Serenity responds where personal intervention is required and acquiesces when letting go is appropriate.

Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: The actions that flow from an understanding of perfection as a process and a state of serenity involve a passion and habit for excellence and a desire to do things well. ONES have high principles, high moral standards, and high performance requirements. They are conscientious, dedicated, persevering, reliable, hard-working, and industrious. They have a highly developed and practiced intuition for when someone or something is doing what it is supposed to do. A being is good when it is fully itself and when it is fully doing what it is meant to do. ONES constantly compare a present reality to its ideal state. They know what is missing and what should be there. This makes them natural quality control experts.

Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When ONES exaggerate their good qualities, they over-identify with the idealized self-image of I am good; I am right. To compensate for a maladaptive belief that they are not good enough, and to keep themselves immune from criticism, they hold unrealistically high standards, trying to be perfect and do most things perfectly in order to be acceptable to others and to themselves. They habitually compare what is to what they think should be and reality falls short of their ideals and absolutes.

Maladaptive Emotional Schema: As a consequence of never living up to their idealizations, ONES experience the passion of anger and resentment since no one (especially themselves) ever comes up to their expectations. They are angry because nothing is as right as it ought to be. And they are resentful because they aren’t recognized or rewarded enough for their efforts nor are they accepted for who they are. Life isn’t fair.

Maladaptive Behavioral Schemas: Perennially perceiving the world as imperfect, and relentlessly feeling resentment about the shoddy state of affairs, ONES are driven to make things better. They tense their jaws, clench their teeth, bear down, and carry on. They interfere with the natural unfolding of life and events in an effort to make things perfect NOW. The better becomes the enemy of the good. It’s a challenge for ONES to leave things alone and just let them be.

What is Avoided: Because they are trying hard to be good, ONES avoid experiencing or expressing their anger. Good boys and good girls shouldn’t be angry. They are either unaware of their anger or are reluctant to express it directly. Since they want to be right, they avoid and protest being wrong. They don’t like to think of themselves as being lazy, irresponsible, sloppy, etc.

Defensive Maneuvers: ONES ward off unacceptable impulses and behaviors by doing the opposite of what they are tempted to do. This is called reaction formation. If they are tempted to take it easy, they work harder. If unwanted sexual desires arise, ONES become moralistic and Puritanical. If anger surfaces, they may rely on righteous indignation; that is, they have a right to be angry. Or they may sublimate their anger and wage the cosmic war against crud, crusading against injustice, inexactness, tardiness, sloppiness, etc.

Childhood Development: ONES were rewarded for being good and excelling and punished for being bad and performing poorly. They were often “hero” children who did everything right to help out their parents. They hoped their being good would hold the family together. They started out with the sense that everything, including themselves, was fine as it was. But then significant people came along and informed them that their spontaneous responses weren’t O.K. This was the beginning of their “judging mind.” As ONES began to do something spontaneously, the judgment arose: “Is this good enough? Am I doing this right?” Eventually shoulds and abstract idealizations replaced wants and personal values. ONES came to believe they would be somebody if their standards were higher than everyone else’s. And they were nobody or worth nothing if they weren’t perfect.

Non-Resourceful State: When ONES are under stress, they do more of the same, that is, they try harder, put out more effort, get more serious, and become more frustrated and resentful. When all their efforts still don’t get them affirmed or don’t satisfy their needs or fill their emptiness, they get discouraged, give up trying to fix things, point their criticisms toward themselves, pull the trigger, get depressed, and lapse into melancholy. In this non-resourceful state they feel misunderstood, victimized, taken advantage of. The world doesn’t appreciate or reward their efforts to make things better.

Resourceful State: When ONES are in a resourceful relaxed state, they take themselves and the situation less seriously. They lighten up instead of getting heavier. They get in touch with their spontaneous playful side. They notice what’s right and what’s there instead of what’s wrong or what’s missing. They operate from the adaptive belief that they are O.K., even though they’re not perfect. They trust that the universe is unfolding as it should. It’s O.K., too. Trust allows them to go with the flow and not push the river, since it’s flowing by itself. They do what they find pleasurable and desirable, what they want to do instead of what they should do. In a resourceful place, ONES are optimistic, accepting and present to whatever is. I am therefore I am good replaces I’m perfect therefore I’m acceptable.

Posted in One

Enneagram Childhood Wounds

Posted on by DrToni

The Enneagram 1 Childhood Wound: Do Not Make Mistakes

The Enneagram 1 childhood wound develops with a judgmental and critical environment. The message type ones received and believe to be true is, it’s not okay to make mistakes.

Enneagram Ones often neglect to take care of themselves physically, leading to serious health problems later in life. Enneagram Ones can be overly critical and demanding of themselves and others, desiring to be as good as possible.

The striving for perfection manifests from the wounding message they heard as children that “making mistakes is never acceptable!”  An Enneagram One will often struggle with statements like:

  • “It is never good enough.”
  • “Why does everyone else get to have fun?”
  • “I don’t deserve to be happy.”

Often the Enneagram One childhood wound is due to a child feeling disconnected from the protective figures in their lives.  This message can develop in homes that are overly strict, lenient, critical, or lacking feedback.

As a result, Enneagram Ones become their own worst critic, taking their actions very seriously and always being responsible.

How To Heal The Enneagram 1 Childhood Wound

As an enneagram one, you must believe that you are good, regardless of your performance or ability to improve things around you—Settle into a graceful disposition toward yourself and others.  Take time to write your thoughts, listen to music, or go for a walk to decompress.

The Enneagram 2 Childhood Wound: Your Needs Are Not Important

The Enneagram 2 childhood wound results from a lack of nurturing and guidance; to compensate, enneagram twos begin to prioritize the needs of others while repressing their own. These children often grew up with the need to feel needed by others.

The following traits of an Enneagram Two personality type develop from their childhood wound:

  • Love and service are conditional.
  • I am worthy because of what I do.
  • I must earn my acceptance.

As a child, enneagram twos put the needs of others before their own to earn love and affection.  Twos over-prioritize the needs of others as a way to receive admiration.  They often feel guilty if they do anything for themselves because it seems selfish or self-serving.

How To Heal The Enneagram 2 Childhood Wound

As an enneagram two, healing this childhood wound starts with believing that you are worthy of love just as you are.  You do not have to earn the love of those around you, and you are deserving of it.  Let others know when you need to take a break alone.  Get active by doing something physical.  Designate time and resources to treat yourself.

The Enneagram 3 Childhood Wound: Your Accomplishments Matter More Than You

The Enneagram 3 childhood wound develops from a sense that their value and worth are tightly connected to what they achieve, rather than for who they are.  Along the way, type threes believe that accomplishing what pleases others can result in admiration and recognition. 

Enneagram threes go through their life pleasing others without awareness, sensing that achievement is more important than honesty and transparency.  As a result, they become great at adapting to what others want and are chameleon-like in their interactions with people.

Frequently, Enneagram Threes tend to hide aspects of their personality they consider negative or undesirable, such as:

  • Neediness
  • Anger
  • Selfishness
  • Honesty

Enneagram Threes rejected their core desires for a self that may be more palatable and relatable to those around them.  Threes fear rejection and can become sensitive to critique, so they work hard to please everyone in their lives.

Enneagram Threes primarily focus on the opinions of others, disregarding their own because this was a source of pain growing up.

How To Heal The Enneagram 3 Childhood Wound

Enneagram Threes can heal from childhood wounds of rejection by becoming vulnerable with others.  This practice of authenticity can open them up to owning all parts of their personality.

Threes must learn to take responsibility for what they feel and own it, regardless if others are receptive to it.  Create a list of reasons why you want to become more vulnerable.  Engage in a stimulating conversation with a friend or mentor.  Use an emotion wheel to identify what you feel.

emotion and feeling wheel for trauma

The Enneagram 4 Childhood Wound: People Shouldn’t Notice You

The Enneagram 4 childhood wound results from receiving a message that too much or little emotion or interest in any one thing is a bad thing.  As a result, Enneagram fours feel unseen and fear that others may never fully understand them.  They have a deep sense that they are different from everyone, often wrestling with their identity.

Fours strive for authenticity and seek to express themselves as honestly as possible to cope with this misunderstanding.  Fours will romanticize the idea of finding a person or peer group who truly knows and accept them for who they are.

An Enneagram Type Four personality type tends to have underlying:

  • Loneliness
  • Melancholy
  • Unhappiness
  • Sadness
  • Heartache
  • Otherness

Enneagram Fours struggles with relating to others, making long-lasting relationships challenging to develop.  The good news is that fours can learn to embrace positive feedback and affirmation and feel fully alive and complete.

How To Heal The Enneagram 4 Childhood Wound

Enneagram Fours can begin to heal their childhood wound by accepting they are worthy of being their whole selves.  Fours must practice receiving and internalizing positive feedback, disregarding negative, false information.

The Enneagram 5 Childhood Wound: Your Presence Is A Problem

The Enneagram 5 childhood wound develops from a sense that their presence or needs are a problem to others.  Fives feel unsure about their place in social settings and the world.

Enneagram fives deal with this trauma by accumulating knowledge and seeking to be self-sufficient, therefore avoiding dependency or need from others.

During childhood, this type often experiences some level of abandonment from a parent or guardian.  This isolation solidifies their belief that their needs are a problem to others, resulting in relational barriers with significant people.

The Enneagram Five personality type can exhibit their childhood wound to avoid expectations of others through the following traits:

  • Appearing aloof or distant
  • Avoiding intimacy and vulnerability with people
  • Needing time alone to re-energize
  • Burying themself in a niche or particular interest

How To Heal The Enneagram 5 Childhood Wound

As an enneagram five, healing the childhood wound begins by learning to trust others, understanding that your needs are not a problem.  Begin to practice identifying your emotions.  Spend time doing physical activity, a sport, or exercise to connect your mind with your body.

Take time to reach out to a close friend and engage in a meaningful conversation.  Practice speaking up even when you feel like you don’t have enough information about the subject.  Make an intentional effort to become curious and supportive of others’ interests.

The Enneagram 6 Childhood Wound: Never Be Too Sure Of Yourself

The Enneagram 6 childhood wound occurs from two extremes: 1)an overdependence upon the opinion and guidance from overly strict parental figures. Or 2) an unpredictable, inconsistent, or absent feedback loop.   As a result, sixes begin to disregard their intuition, fearing making the wrong choice and hoping to gain further guidance from authorities.

Enneagram sixes tend to overthink and can spiral into mentally preparing for the worst case as a means to create a sense of security for themselves.  To further solidify the safety they desire, they will seek a seemingly unending amount of support and guidance from others before settling on a decision.

Enneagram sixes are also known as, The Loyalist.  Their dutiful attitude comes from a desire to create a safe and reliable context where they and others can feel secure.

Enneagram Sixes show the childhood wound through the following personality traits:

  • Living in extreme measures by the guiding principle that it’s better safe than sorry
  • Suspicion of others
  • Anxiety

An enneagram six must learn to identify ways to trust their intuition or thoughts rather than needing an overwhelming amount of extrinsic evidence to support their hunch.  The security an enneagram six desires are obtainable and often closer than they think upon realizing they are capable and responsible enough to act courageously.

How To Heal The Enneagram 6 Childhood Wound

Enneagram Sixes can begin healing their childhood wound by focusing on:

  • Learning to trust themselves based on logic and existing evidence
  • Developing mindful practices to overcome stress or worry
  • Establishing healthy friendships in which accountability and honesty are present

This learning and unlearning will take practice and time.  Prioritize taking seemingly small steps in the right direction toward courage.  Begin to shift your mindset from “I must prepare because bad things will happen.” to “I have the inner resources and ability to navigate through challenging circumstances if bad things happen.”

The Enneagram 7 Childhood Wound: You Can Only Depend On Yourself

The Enneagram 7 childhood wound comes from a lack of nurture and care.   As a result, this type came to believe it is best to solely rely on themself to meet their needs. Their pursuit of being happy can lead to the avoidance of painful issues at all costs.  This wound can cause them to prioritize planning for future activities rather than confronting present circumstances.

Under stress, Enneagram Sevens will defend themself from complicated feelings by only focusing on potentially positive outcomes and scenarios.  The problem is this avoidance of resolving issues only perpetuates the problems.

Enneagram Sevens can struggle to connect with others because they received a message not to depend on others somewhere along the way.  This trait can make it challenging for others to engage with a seven beyond surface-level conversation and friendship because sevens prefer to avoid difficulty.

Enneagram Sevens exhibit traits of this childhood wound in the following ways:

  • Escapism from difficult circumstances
  • Distrust of others
  • Distractable and scattered in thought
  • Resentment toward others who challenge their ideas

As a child, an Enneagram Seven primarily relied on themself because support and dependability from others were lacking. This autonomy can lead to overly independent adults.

How To Heal The Enneagram 7 Childhood Wound

Enneagram Sevens can begin healing by trusting the following guidelines:

  • Mindfully receive love, care, and attention from others
  • Accept the idea is beneficial and rewarding to trust others
  • Receive help from others while in need
  • Recognize and admit when something hurts you

Enneagram sevens can learn to enjoy the present and depend on others by establishing meaningful relationships.  Doing so can validate that others are trustworthy and that contentment is possible.

The Enneagram 8 Childhood Wound: Never Let Your Guard Down

The Enneagram 8 childhood wound develops out of an insecure relationship with parental figures, often their mother.  This uncertainty forces the Enneagram Eight to focus on becoming the strong one in the relationship and compensate for the lack of positive guidance or leadership.

The world, to an eight, is an unjust place that will hurt you and must be met with aggression to protect oneself and others.  As a child, an Enneagram Eight often “grows up fast” because they believe it is best to be in control and that being vulnerable will create space for others to hurt you.

The primary desire of an enneagram eight is to have protection from harm in many aspects.  This desire can lead to combative behavior to safeguard their resources.  This disposition can communicate to others that they only care about their own needs.  Or, others can interpret the intensity of an enneagram eight as being angry, defensive, or controlling.

Enneagram Eights can exhibit traits of this childhood wound to protect themself or others in the following ways:

  • Anger
  • Avoidance of affection
  • Retreat from others into isolation
  • Attempt to control outcomes and decisions of others

Enneagram Eights struggle to stay in control and will busy themself with projects, other people’s problems, or work to maintain a sense of control.  However, this flurry of activity is often a means of avoiding appearing weak or vulnerable.

How To Heal The Enneagram 8 Childhood Wound

The Enneagram Eights can heal from this childhood wound as they learn to practice compassion for themself.  An eight should practice vulnerability with a small, trusted group of people.

For an eight, identifying a couple of places to ask for help can be a powerfully freeing thing to do, as they accept that trusting others is a worthwhile endeavor.  Take time to write down the areas that you fear releasing control.  Surrender the idea that you can handle it all.

For an enneagram eight, recognizing the need to be seen as strong at all times and their effort to hide any appearance of weakness is a significant first step on the path toward healing.

The Enneagram 9 Childhood Wound: Your Involvement Is Not Necessary

The Enneagram 9 childhood wound occurs because they experience neglect and a sense of being unnoticed by authority figures in their life.  Although, as a child, a type nine feels deeply connected to their guardians, however, along the way, they begin to believe they can keep the peace by not being assertive.

Nines assume that it is best to reserve their involvement and, as a result, can become numb to their feelings and needs.  What can appear as an easy-going, go-with-the-flow demeanor often comes from their belief that they do not matter.  An enneagram nine will lower their expectation of themselves and others to avoid disappointment; if nothing is important to you, then nothing or no one can let you down.

Enneagram Nines can exhibit traits of this childhood wound to provide a sense of peace in the following ways:

  • Procrastination
  • Sleeping for long periods
  • Frequent changes concerning their interests and desires
  • Inability to make decisions

An enneagram nine can learn how meaningful their presence and opinion is to those around them and become more assertive.

How To Heal The Enneagram 9 Childhood Wound

With resilience and intentionality, there are many things an Enneagram Nine can do to heal their childhood wound. These include all the following:

  • Practice expressing their opinions with people they trust and admire
  • Adopt new mindsets concerning their value and worth
  • Establish accountability with a friend or mentor
  • Prioritize setting goals and create a structure to help achieve their desires

Enneagram Nines can develop into tremendous leaders because of their ability to create harmony and peace within their environments.  They can find common ground between differing opinions.

A healthy enneagram nine believes and understands that peace should not come at the expense of their sense of worth.  Enneagram nines can assume an active stance because their opinion matters, rather than letting life carelessly drift by.

In Summary: The Enneagram Childhood Wound Is Significant Yet Can Be Overcome

The enneagram childhood wound you relate to the most will depend on your type.  Every person experiences a wounding message as a child.  The fact is, we live in an imperfect world, with people who make mistakes.

Thankfully, there is hope for every person to experience healing from their childhood wounds.  With intentionality, willingness, humility, relationship, and work, you and I can process past experiences and develop into healthier versions of ourselves.

If you need further help identifying your Enneagram type, check out the post: How to Find Your Enneagram With 4 Helpful Tips. 

If you would like to find resources to explore your type in greater detail, check out some of our favorite resources HERE.

Enneagram Childhood Wound Sources:

psychologyjunkie.com

psychreel.com

correttawoodard.com

enneagramspectrum.com

Enneagram Subtypes

Posted on by DrToni

Enneagram 1 Subtypes

Enneagram 1 Instinctual Variants:

Self-Preservation: Anxiety- The Pioneer

Self-Preservation type 1’s will often focus on ensuring that everything they do is perfect or as perfect as possible. They are the true perfectionists of this enneagram. Unfortunately, these people usually see themselves as being very flawed individuals and, as a result, will try to improve themselves.

These people are typically the most anxious and worried. They want to have things under control and foresee any potential risks or issues. This subtype likes being prepared, even down to the smallest of details. This type will also avoid showing their anger but will often feel very frustrated when disrupted.

Social: Inadaptability- The Social Reformer

These people are comfortable having a secure and solid social role and a clearly defined set of rules. They enjoy and emphasize doing things the “right way.” This trait can make it hard for them to adapt to new situations or find new ways to do something.

It can also cause them to criticize or resent anyone who may act or behave “incorrectly” or do things in the “wrong way.” These people see their role as helping others do things right or to be perfect.

One-to-One: Jealousy/Zealousness- The Evangelist

This type has rigorous self-control, leading to over-zealousness at times. They need to keep a partner’s attention so they won’t blame themselves. This subtype also enjoys having a clear set of rules and standards outlining correct behavior.

It is also common for this type to feel jealousy toward a partner or those who seem more self-expressive. This type will focus on making other people more perfect. This type shows more anger and zeal than the other type 1’s. There is more focus on perfecting others and making sure others are doing things correctly than on oneself.

Enneagram 2 Subtypes

Enneagram 2 Instinctual Variants:

Self-preservation: Privilege- The Nurturer

This subtype is excellent at creating personable and warm relationships with people. Much of their attention will go towards nurturing, supporting, and helping others. This aspect can sometimes make them feel entitled concerning their desires. Unfortunately, this can result in a prideful attitude or even false modesty.

Social: Ambition- The Ambassador

This type will often gain their self-esteem through visible accomplishments and social approval. This subtype will be in tune with and empathize with other people’s needs.

They will become an essential and indispensable part of organizations because of this. Rather than being the center of attention, these people find it most important to be allied with the right people.

One-to-One: Seduction/Aggression- The Lover

Type 2’s have a great capacity for being interpersonally attuned and making connections. This subtype uses those skills to win the approval of a select group of people in one-to-one relationships.

They can use body language and certain speaking tones that some may consider seductive, though not always in a sexual sense. In more aggressive styles of this subtype, this can also lead to them wanting more personal attention and recognition.

Enneagram 3 Subtypes

Enneagram 3 Instinctual Variants:

Self-preservation: Security- The Company Man/Woman

Type 3’s have a remarkable ability to work hard, maintain a good image, and perform well. They have high drive and energy to accomplish goals such as getting a lovely home and achieving financial security. This subtype will seek material success. However, this subtype can also struggle with becoming too involved with their role at work and potentially losing their true self.

Social: Prestige- The Politician

This subtype’s drive for success is usually involved with gaining social approval. They want to know the right people and gain power in social groups, whether in community groups, government, or even business.

This type can make themselves appear to be more of a leader than they are through image-making or forms of propaganda, or there can be genuine social leadership. They are focused on having the right image and knowing how to climb the social ladder. They are concerned about their appearance in the eyes of others.

One-to-One: Masculinity/Femininity- The Movie Star

This subtype also wants to create a successful image. They want an image that is appealing to others and focus on pleasing the people around them. They feel their charisma and personal power come from being an attractive man or woman. This subtype tends to stay in a sort of performer role, no matter whether it’s in personal relationships or on the stage.

Enneagram 4 Subtypes

Enneagram 4 Instinctual Variants:

Self-preservation: Dauntlessness- The Creative Individualist

These people struggle between wanting material security and feeling detached from it all. This type is courageous. They aren’t afraid to pack up and move, jump into a new situation, or even take risks. Their actions may seem reckless to others, but they work well with a more creative or artistic style.

Social: Shame/Honor- The Critical Commentator

This Enneagram subtype often feels a sense of deficiency in some social situations. They will often feel envious of those with status or who have an appearance of belonging. They will often feel like they need to find a resolution to the tension between social expectations and being their true self. This subtype needs to be able to have an acceptable social role.

One-to-One: Competitiveness- The Dramatic Person

Competition is a good thing for this subtype. It can help them overcome those feelings of inner deficiency and self-motivate towards personal goals and agendas. These types can recognize the strength or power of others and see it as unique competition. Their values will often rise or fall in comparison to others.

Enneagram 5 Subtypes

Enneagram 5 Instinctual Variants:

Self-preservation: Home– The Castle Defender

This type sees their home as their castle, a place to feel safe and hide from the world. This type will go to great lengths to defend their “castle” and is concerned with having enough supplies.

They are good at establishing boundaries with other people and know when they need to be alone. They like to minimize their needs, find refuge or a safe place, and then have supplies and everything they need within that refuge.

Social: Totem/Symbols- The Professor

This Enneagram subtype is hungry for knowledge, and they often become experts in the specific areas or topics of interest to them. They enjoy gaining knowledge and connecting with others who have similar intellectual interests.

They often connect more easily with others through areas of expertise. They emphasize analysis and interpretation, which can stop them from participating with others.

One-to-One: Confidentiality- The Secret Agent

This subtype often shares their deepest thoughts and feelings from within themselves with others in one-to-one relationships. They have a secretive quality and are often perceived as being extremely reserved.

They will often experience conflict between needing to connect with others while also maintaining autonomy. They are usually more in touch with their emotions but won’t show it much on the outside.

Enneagram 6 Subtypes

Enneagram 6 Instinctual Variants:

Self-preservation: Warmth- The Family Loyalist

This subtype is often more fearful than others. They will usually overcome this fear by making connections or agreements with other people. This is done through personal warmth as this type does not want to be left alone.

If this type experiences a lack of warmth or even a threat to their security early on in their life, this can create a fear within them that keeps them from taking risks and making them feel the need to stay within familiar boundaries they know well. They enjoy having a sense of certainty and safety, though they often think it is difficult to find.

Social: Duty- The Social Guardian

This Enneagram subtype needs to understand their role in society or within a group. They need to know the rules and have clear agreements with others. They often feel unsure about whether or not they belong. They think it is their calling and burden to do their duty. These people are logical and rational and find safety in following the guidelines of a system.

One-to-One: Strength or Beauty- The Warrior

There are two ways this Enneagram subtype overcomes or avoids fear. The first is through willpower, physical strength, and bravery. It could also be through the power of a person’s intellect. The other way they handle self-doubt and fear is by using one’s perceptiveness and idealism to create beauty in their environment. Doing this helps the person to have a sense of stability and control.

Enneagram 7 Subtypes

Enneagram 7 Instinctual Variants:

Self-preservation: Family- The Gourmand

This Enneagram subtype has a life full of family and friends. They are usually talkative and amiable people. They enjoy sharing good conversations and ideas with others and planning projects or cooperative efforts. They are good at seeing opportunities when they come and know how to get what they want through planning or working with others.

Social: Limitation/Sacrifice- The Utopian Visionary

This type struggles between needing friends and projects to express social idealism and a love of life. They will often work towards the greater good of a group or society even though it takes sacrifice and working with others.

They are good at seeing opportunities but don’t want to be perceived as self-interested, so they will often sacrifice their desires to be helpful to others.

One-to-One: Suggestibility/Fascination- The Adventurer

This type is considered the “idealistic dreamer” and often needs to imagine something better than the world around them. They love new ideas, adventures, and people. These people are often very enthusiastic and optimistic. They usually see things as they could be instead of how they truly are. They also have great power of suggestion.

Enneagram 8 Subtypes

Enneagram 8 Instinctual Variants:

Self-preservation: Satisfactory Survival- The Survivalist

This Enneagram subtype uses their aggressiveness in physical survival and material security. They are highly protective of their family and friends and will often create their territory to take care of themselves and those they love. They are usually good with business and getting things done. This type will either win or die trying.

Social: Friendship/Social Causes- The Group Leader/Gang Leader

This subtype focuses on protecting, supporting, and guiding anyone they are connected to or see as needing support. They can often be assertive and rebellious but will be more gentle when taking care of others.

They are often found in a leadership role of a group and will work towards the good of that group. Their loyalty to friends and social causes are more important than their personal feelings or needs.

One-to-One: Possession/Surrender- The Commander

This type wants control over their partners or significant others. They will often use forcefulness and self-assertion to accomplish this. They can sometimes be unable to adapt. They tend to be rebellious and enjoy being the center of things. They enjoy having power over others and tend to be more provocative and passionate.

Enneagram 9 Subtypes

Enneagram 9 Instinctual Variants:

Self-preservation: Appetite- The Collector

This subtype is excellent at creating a sensible infrastructure and patterns in life. They like familiar routines as well. Material abundance and comfort are important to them but often overshadow their personal growth. They often become blind to individual needs and fill these with material consumption, often making them collectors.

Social: Participation- The Community Benefactor

These people work hard to support their groups and do this to find belonging and comfort. They like to feel as though they are a part of things. They are fun, light-hearted people who work hard to do what it takes to be accepted by a group or community.

They also blend in well with their friends and social groups. They often make great leaders, are very selfless, and forget about personal priorities when taking care of groups first.

One-to-One: Union- The Seeker

This subtype has trouble keeping personal boundaries and focusing on themselves. They are seeking to be with a partner and, as a result, can often easily be pulled outside of themselves.

They will often align their desires and attitudes with other important people in their lives. They tend to be sweet, gentle, and less assertive people. They will often take on the opinions and feelings of others without realizing it.