How to Use Enneagram Arrows for Growth

Clinically Reviewed by Steven Melendy, PsyD. on October 18, 2021

This blog post is part of our Fundamentals of the Enneagram series, which takes a deeper dive into all the Enneagram elements – wings, arrows, subtypes, centers of intelligence, growth pathways and more. For an overview of the series, start with our introductory post here. For an understanding of arrows, check out this post.

Arrows are resources for growth; they provide us with strategies for tackling challenges that our personality type naturally struggles with. But it isn’t a free-for-all. Rather, the Enneagram provides us with a roadmap.Enneagram arrow

WHAT KIND OF GROWTH DO YOU NEED?

There are times when we need some incremental growth and other times when we need to go big and make some wholesale changes in how we approach life. Think of it like evolution versus revolution. For small, evolutionary changes, look more to what wings can offer you. But if you are getting more and more frustrated with your personality’s continual failure to navigate a problem, it might be time to start a revolution. And for that you need your arrows.

THE PATHWAY: ENERGIZING AND RESOLUTION

When consciously using your arrows for growth, it is essential to start with your Energizing arrow. That is the arrow pointing towards your personality type, known as the against arrow.

For an Enneagram Eight, the Energizing point is found at Two. For Fours it can be found at One. For Fives it can be found at Eight,  and for Sevens it’s at Five.

When we are able to master the skills that point provides us, we expand our capacity to tackle the challenge posed by the forward or Resolution arrow. At the Resolution point we became a more nuanced, calmer person, able to recognize our needs, respect ours and others boundaries, and pause before taking action.

For an Eneagram Eight, the Resolution point is found at Five. For Fours it can be found at Two. For Fives it is at Seven, and for Sevens it’s at One.

DON’T BE IN A RUSH TO CHANGE

As we discussed in last week’s article, it is far easier to unconsciously go to the low side of an arrow when we are under pressure or looking for a way to get our needs met, than it is to go to an arrow’s “high side.”

So, before you start trying to change yourself, start by observing your own behaviors. Aim to simply catch yourself moving to the arrows, and observe what happens, before you try to force yourself to change.

Once you have noticed yourself acting out, get curious about it. Reflect on the deeper reasons for the shift. Some questions you can ask yourself include:

  • In what way do you feel under pressure?
  • Is that coming from you or the environment around you or both?
  • What needs are going unmet in this situation?
  • What impact is this behaviour having on yourself and others?

APPLYING ARROWS: PRACTICES FOR YOUR TYPES

Let’s take a brief look at the practices you can use to intentionally move to the high side of your arrows, as well as the benefits you will get from mastering the challenges at each.

We’ll start with the three Body types, then move to the three Heart types and wrap up with the head types.

Not sure what that means? Read our introduction to the Centers of Intelligence.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE EIGHT

The movement to Two provides Eights with the ability to consider other people. They become more aware of their impact on others and are able to cultivate better relationships. To achieve this, they need to learn to listen to other people, and start to make space for their feelings. When they integrate Two’s qualities, Eights become more diplomatic and able to encourage people to take action without imposing or offending them.

Then an Eight can move to point Five. Here, they master patience and being able to count to three before taking action. It also helps them appreciate that they don’t need intensity to be in relationships, or to project their energy out to be effective. At point Five, Eights can keep their energy inside their body and channel it in greater mental focus. To achieve this, Eights need to focus on using their analytical skills and taking a more cautious approach to their use of energy and resources.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE NINE

The movement to Three provides Nines with the ability to consider themselves and their interests. When Nines acknowledge they are important, and value their own efforts, they are able to prioritize their own goals, tasks and agendas. To achieve this, Nine’s must identify and prioritize what they want and take the initiative to put it into action. When they integrate a Three’s qualities, Nines become more energetic and dynamic, feel self-confident, and are able to positively promote themselves.

Then a Nine can move to point Six. Here, they master conflict and being able to stand up for something that is important to them. It helps them to say no, go against someone else’s opinion, and have greater boundaries with others. To achieve this, the Nine needs to use the Six’s critical analysis and risk assessment skills. This helps them stay present to what is happening, rather than slipping into self-forgetting. Then, Nines become skilled at entering into conflicts, instead of avoiding them. They learn to mediate while still expressing their own opinion.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE ONE

The movement to point Seven provides Ones with the ability to be mentally flexible and see many options. It allows them to break the rules and be more creative and spontaneous. To achieve this, Ones need to practice having fun and being playful on a regular basis, and to not be hard on themselves for choosing pleasure ahead of duty. When they find the healthy balance between responsibility and relaxation, the One is less rigid and less focused on being right. They are able to see the shades of gray that exist in every situation.

Then a One can move to point Four. Here, they master their creativity. At point Four, Ones question what they really want from life and become more attuned to what they want and like. They can let go of the fierce self-control and do things differently. To achieve this, Ones practice expressing their emotions authentically and developing a creative practice. When they master Four, Ones bring a unique touch to their work, incorporating a sense of beauty and magic into everything they do.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE TWO

The movement to point Four allows Twos to appreciate that honoring their own emotions actually helps them maintain positive relationships, instead of undermining them. Here, Twos gain the ability to get in touch with their own needs, feelings and desires, and to accept all of their feelings and not be embarrassed by them. To achieve this, Twos practice acknowledging their feelings and asking for what they want.

Then a Two can move to Eight. Here, they master setting boundaries. At point Eight, Twos become more direct and assertive, clearly saying what they need and what they don’t like. They become more practical and stop worrying about how others perceive them. To achieve this, Twos practice accessing their anger in a positive way, using it to get their needs met more directly.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE THREE

The movement to point Six provides Threes with the ability to question the status quo. Most importantly, it allows them to assess the risks associated with their current lifestyle, helping them determine the consequences for their relationships, family and health if they continue living and working the way they do.  To achieve this, Threes need to develop some self-doubt about their current choices and use the Six’s natural ability to analyze risks and take a more cautious approach. By doing so, Threes develop a healthy balance between getting things done and pausing for reflection.

Then they can move to point Nine. Here, they master the art of relaxing and can finally take a vacation. They can slow down their pace and wait for the right time to act, and they can listen to others more, paying attention to someone else’s agenda. To achieve this, the Three practices including others in the process and following other people’s lead.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE FOUR

The movement to One provides the Four with healthy self-discipline and the ability to turn their creative ideas into action. Here, they become comfortable with routine, sticking with the agenda and not allowing their feelings to distract them from the task at hand. To achieve this, Fours devote themselves to structured activities where they focus on improving the external environment, like a garden, instead of trying to control their emotions. Repetitive work can help the Four find peace instead of getting caught up following the waves of their shifting moods.

Then they can move to Two. Here, Fours master the art of giving and receiving, allowing them to maintain mutual relationships. They stop comparing themselves to others, and instead help and support other people. To achieve this, Fours focus on being in service to others and balancing their needs with the needs of others.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE FIVE

The movement to Eight provides the Five with an ability to assert their boundaries while maintaining their relationships. Here, they have less of a need to disconnect and hide, instead becoming more practical, spontaneous and energetic. To achieve this, Fives practice becoming grounded in the body and using the body as a way to connect with the issues they have been avoiding. When they integrate the Eight’s qualities, Fives become more comfortable with confronting others and remaining in connection.

Then they can move to Seven. Here, Fives experience all life has to offer. They realize they can get their needs met spontaneously, so can start to move away from being excessively specialized and become more of a generalist. To achieve this, Fives practice talking before they are certain about something, allowing themselves to test ideas in a real-world practical way.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE SIX

The movement to point Nine allows the Six to trust people more. By becoming less suspicious of everyone and everything, Sixes increase their ability to confirm what is a real fear and what is imagined. To achieve this, Sixes practice listening to other opinions and being more receptive to their perspective. When they integrate the Nine’s qualities, the Six is able to let down their guard and relax some of the time.

Then they can move to Three. Here, the Six masters performing without procrastinating, and is able to move forward despite their fears. They are able to trust their own authority and have confidence in themselves, taking the lead and valuing their contributions. To achieve this, Sixes practice recognizing their contributions and appreciating their own abilities.

ENNEAGRAM TYPE SEVEN

The movement to point Five allows the Seven to increase their ability to concentrate and focus on a single activity. By bringing their energy inside of them,  it becomes easier for a Seven to stick with one thing and they start to become specialists. To achieve this, Sevens practice saying no to interesting options and start putting down all the possible projects they mentally carry around with them.

Then they can move to One. Here, Sevens master the art of finishing things. They develop the self-discipline to see things through and find joy in completing things. They can develop this by working in a more structured way and finding ways to finish whatever they start.

ARROWS FOR PRACTICING GROWTH

Using arrows for growth can be a huge leap – one we aren’t always ready for. If you are embarking on this journey, think about the kind of support you will need and start with some self-observation and self-reflection. Take small steps and don’t be too hard on yourself. Growth is a journey.

Samantha Mackay

Samantha is a certified Enneagram coach at Individuo and educator at Truity. She has found knowing her personality type (ENTP / Enneagram 7) invaluable for recovering from burnout and for working with her anxiety, chronic illnesses and pain. To work with Samantha visit individuo.life.

Enneagram Types Under Stress

Find out the root stressors of each #enneatype, and how to help someone who is stressed based on their enneatype. #Enneagram, #Personality

How Every Enneagram Type Reacts to Stress, and How to Help

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Have you ever become so stressed that you “flipped a switch” and acted like someone else? Maybe it felt like an out-of-body experience or you felt completely beyond your own control? Well, according to the enneagram system, there’s a reason for that! Each type has an area of disintegration (stress) that they veer into when they become especially stressed, but before that time happens, there’s also a sequence of unhealthy behaviors or feelings that may occur. That’s what we’re going to explore today!

How Every Enneagram Type Reacts to Stress, and How to Help

Enneagram 1 in Stress

What stresses out the One Enneatype?

  • Being around lazy or undependable people.
  • Not seeing action taken towards a goal.
  • Shame over mistakes they’ve made.
  • Not living up to their own expectations.
  • Others not living up to their expectations.
  • Feeling like they have to be the responsible one while others are slacking.
  • Being taken for granted
  • Corruption in the world
  • Hypocrisy
  • Apathy
  • People being late
  • Messy surroundings
  • Their Own Perfectionism

Normally grounded and pragmatic, Ones under stress suddenly become moody and withdrawn. They’re often burned out by trying to live up by their ever-increasing expectations, and this exhaustion leads to resentment and anger. However, because Ones are always trying to repress their anger, it leaks out into irritated comments, sarcastic jabs, or cynical jokes. If stress is extreme, Ones lose their usual self-discipline and become more hostile, withdrawn, and emotionally reactive. They might overeat, break some of their own rules, or throw caution to the wind. It’s as if they’ve fired their “inner critic” and, for a moment, are letting loose a rebel that was always hiding in the corner. They become more self-indulgent, self-conscious, and dramatic.

How to Help a One Experiencing Stress:

  • Let them have an outburst. Just be with them. Don’t judge.
  • Take on some of the responsibilities around them without having to be asked.
  • Acknowledge the hard work they’ve put forth on a goal.
  • Thank them for the things they’ve done for you.
  • Give them some time alone to decompress.
  • Realize that they might be especially moody and critical. Try to be patient.
  • Let them know that they aren’t responsible for everything. Give them a break from some of their responsibilities.
  • Clean up the house or the area they’re in. Give them a sense that things are in order.
  • Remind them that nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes if they’re being self-critical.
  • After they’ve had a chance to calm down, give them something safe to play at. Watch a comedy with them, get them outside, or make them laugh.

Enneagram 2 in Stress

 What Stresses Out the Two Enneatype?

  • Being taken for granted
  • Too much time alone
  • Feeling unloved for who they are
  • Saying “yes” to too many things and burning themselves out
  • Not getting affirmation or gratitude for their kind deeds
  • Feeling left out
  • Being around emotionally distant people
  • Not having their kindness reciprocated
  • Not feeling needed

The core desire of the two is to feel loved for who they truly are. These types need to nurture themselves as much as they nurture others, but often they overextend themselves on others’ behalf. They hope that through selfless pursuits they will earn a sense of worth and love. When these types are severely stressed they become more blunt and aggressive. Usually kind-hearted and gentle, they suddenly reveal a shocking inner toughness. They will confront people directly for their misdeeds and won’t hold back in arguments that they’d normally shy away from. This fiery resolve and directness is usually shocking to people who are used to their normal gregarious, empathetic demeanor. While this is happening, Twos become more concerned with their survival. They’ll work harder and become more controlling of the world around them.

How to Help a Two Experiencing Stress:

  • Show them you care and acknowledge the kind things they have done.
  • Help them set healthy boundaries so that they don’t keep overextending themselves.
  • Remind them that they don’t need to worry so much about what other people think of them. Remind them of who their loyal friends and loved ones are – and that it’s okay not to be “perfect.”
  • Realize that they might be more confrontational and aggressive than usual. Understand that this is temporary, and try not to judge too harshly unless they are endangering someone.
  • Ask them if they want to vent, write down their feelings, or listen to a particular song to find a mirror for their feelings.
  • Help them find creative modes of self-expression like drawing, singing, or writing.
  • Tell them that it’s not selfish for them to take care of themselves and spend time on their own pursuits.
  • Help them cancel some of their non-essential obligations.

Enneagram 3 in Stress

What Stresses Out Enneagram Threes:

  • Not seeing progress towards a goal.
  • Feeling like a failure.
  • Feeling incompetent or being around incompetence.
  • Not being acknowledged for what they do.
  • Not accomplishing things.
  • Losing.
  • Comparing themselves to others who are highly successful.
  • Feeling worthless or undesirable.
  • Not being challenged.
  • Being around people who lack vision.

Highly-focused and driven to succeed, Threes often burn themselves out trying to be the best at whatever they do. Not afraid of a challenge, they enjoy proving themselves and standing out amid a crowd of mediocre individuals. However, when they are highly stressed they can push themselves way too hard and punish themselves too viciously for their failures. When extreme stress hits, they can suddenly flip a switch and become more listless and apathetic. They fill their time with busywork to try to avoid facing the reality of the problems they’re dealing with. Instead of actually doing anything, they may get caught up in fantasies of their next big success. They also may feel more hyper-sensitive than usual but will avoid facing their feelings directly. These stress episodes are confusing for them and their loved ones because they’re typically so hard-working and ambitious.

How to Help a Stressed-Out Three:

  • Let them take off their “mask” of competence and capability. Patiently let them talk about what’s bothering them or give them time alone to decompress.
  • Help them take deep breaths and tune into their body. Are they hungry? Thirsty? Tired? In pain? Help them recognize their physical needs.
  • Encourage them (non-forcefully) to talk about their feelings. Remind them that you’re there to listen, not to judge. Give them a safe space to express their vulnerabilities without judging, offering advice, or coddling them. Simply listen.
  • Be authentic about your own vulnerabilities – this will help them to feel safe being vulnerable with you.
  • Draw their attention towards a creative avenue. Creative activity often helps Threes tremendously. Give them time to write, draw, listen to music, etc,.
  • Acknowledge their successes and how they’ve helped you.
  • Try to clean any messes in their surroundings. Disordered external surroundings tend to stress them.

Enneagram 4 in Stress

What Stresses Out Enneagram 4s:

  • Having to go along with the crowd.
  • Too many external pressures.
  • Feeling misunderstood or criticized.
  • Being micro-managed.
  • Being forced to follow a lot of rules and guidelines.
  • Not making progress on their creative goals.
  • Having to put on a “happy face” when they are struggling emotionally.
  • Having their feelings dismissed.
  • Living in dull, non-personalized surroundings.
  • Feeling creatively blocked.

Imaginative and melancholy, Fours believe in being deeply authentic and finding their unique identity in the world. They hate feeling forced into a box or unable to express their true feelings and ideals. When stressed, Fours tend to isolate themselves and brood over their negative feelings. They dwell on the darkness of their emotions and allow those feelings to engulf them. If stress increases to an extreme level, they may suddenly change and become more outgoing and anxious for human interaction. They might try too hard to please others or find ways to get closer to people. They will seem more needy, expressive, and people-pleasing. They crave affirmation and are terrified of being abandoned or rejected. They will try to help others in order to regain a sense of being needed by the ones they love.

How to Help a Stressed-Out Four:

  • Allow them to express their feelings. Don’t tell them how they feel or cut them off. Understand that their feelings are unique to them.
  • Remind them of what’s real and what they can count on. Don’t minimize their feelings, but point out the reality of the situation while empathizing with them.
  • Remind them of their talents and strengths.
  • Help them set up some positive routines that will create a more peaceful atmosphere in their home.
  • Set up healthy boundaries if they are regularly using you as an emotional dumping ground.
  • Remind them of what’s positive in the present moment.
  • Offer empathy before advice.
  • Let them know that they are lovable regardless of how different they are from others.

Read This Next: 7 Struggles of the Enneagram 4 Personality Type

Enneagram 5 in Stress

What Stresses Out Enneagram 5s:

  • Not getting enough alone time.
  • Being “barged in on.”
  • Feeling incompetent or incapable.
  • Feeling too detached from the physical world.
  • Physical malnutrition and neglect.
  • Being overwhelmed by fears and dark thoughts.
  • Not finding a niche for themselves.
  • Feeling like life is meaningless.
  • Extreme isolation and lack of connection.

Fives crave mastery in something that will set them apart from others. These types often grew up feeling misunderstood and lost in their families. They worried that they weren’t capable of handling whatever life hurled at them, and hoped that through mastery in a niche area they could feel competent. However, many Fives search endlessly for mastery and knowledge, only to get lost in theoretical analysis over real-world experience. Over time, they can become reclusive, detached, and anxious. Stress builds as they sense their growing detachment from reality and their own physical bodies. During regular stress, they try to get away from the world and narrow their focus on their niche interest. As stress builds, they become increasingly distractible. They may drink too much, binge eat, go to parties, clubs, and bars in search of an escape from their stress. They may seem especially aggressive and insensitive during these moments.

How to Help a Stressed-Out Five:

  • Help them to quiet their mind. Guide them through deep breathing and help them relax their body.
  • Help them tune into their body. Are they exhausted? Dehydrated? Hungry? In pain? Fives often detach from their physical needs under stress. Help guide them back to their bodies so that they can get physical peace.
  • Get them involved in a healthy activity. Take a walk, jump on a trampoline, go to the zoo, practice martial arts. These activities can reduce stress tremendously.
  • Remind them that you’ll be there for them regardless of whatever happens. Let them know that it’s okay to tell you about their needs and that it doesn’t make them “weak.”
  • Recognize their accomplishments and unique abilities.
  • Help them put their knowledge to the test in the real world when they’re feeling less stressed. The more they actualize their abilities the happier they will become.
  • Let them feel their grief. Show that you are trustworthy. Don’t coddle them or overly sympathize. Just show that you are there for them and remind them not to swallow their feelings. Encourage them to express themselves so that they can find relief.
  • Respect their need for privacy.
  • Don’t interrupt them or barge in on them.

Enneagram 6 in Stress

What Stresses Out Enneagram Sixes:

  • Undependable people
  • Disorder in their environment
  • Corruption or chaos in the world
  • Not trusting themselves
  • Not having a sense of community or support
  • Getting lost in catastrophizing
  • Feeling unsafe
  • Lack of structure or clarity
  • Burnout from over-committing and taking on too many responsibilities
  • Not finding answers to their questions
  • Wishy-washy behavior
  • Having other people decide for them
  • Feeling distrustful of people close to them
  • Making mistakes

Hard-working and loyal, Sixes crave an environment of security, support, and structure. They like knowing what’s going to happen and when it’s going to happen. Natural catastrophizers, they prepare for worst-case scenarios and are vigilant to any potential disaster. Under stress, Sixes become hyper-aware of all that could go wrong. They become exceedingly anxious and envision horrific possibilities at every turn. They get lost in endless thoughts and negative possibilities and may get caught up in researching solutions or news stories that might provide answers. They may also seek authority or guide to help them find the best way to handle the situation. If stress builds to extreme levels, they disintegrate to 3. When this happens, they become more image-conscious and focused on how they appear to others. They may put on a persona of professionalism and confidence, becoming boastful and self-promoting. Their work absorbs them and they become fixated on achievement. By being competitive and ambitious they hope they can assuage their low self-esteem and brutal anxiety.

How to Help a Stressed-Out Six:

  • Remind them of what’s real and dependable.
  • Ask them to assume the worst happens. Then what they will do? Letting them talk it out can help them to calm down and realistically assess the situation.
  • Remind them that the worst could happen, but that the best could happen as well.
  • Don’t patronize their fears.
  • Follow through on your commitments and promises.
  • Remind them that you’re there for them.
  • Help them tune into their body. Guide them through deep breathing.
  • Ask them to assess their physical needs. Are they hungry? Tired? Thirsty? Remind them not to forget their physical needs.
  • Exercise with them or go for a walk. This can increase stress-reducing endorphins in the brain.
  • Help them to calm the flurry of internal voices in their mind. Encourage them to listen to their heart and instincts.
  • Make sure they’re getting time alone.
  • Help them cancel non-essential responsibilities that are overwhelming them.

Enneagram 7 in Stress

What Stresses Out Enneagram 7s:

  • Being micro-managed
  • Not having enough personal freedom
  • Lack of free, unstructured time
  • Excessive responsibilities
  • Being cooped up for too long
  • Being stuck in one place for too long
  • Boredom
  • Doing nitty-gritty, detail work
  • Financial problems
  • Being stuck in a routine
  • Lack of loyal friendships

Sevens are enthusiastic and innovative, finding possibility in even the direst situations. Because they’re so creative it’s typically easy for them to reframe a negative situation into a positive one. That said, they still experience stress just like everyone does. When Sevens are stressed, they become more escapist and impulsive. They’ll fixate on finding a fun activity or experience to pursue, and may become more hedonistic or scattered than usual. If stress builds to extreme degrees, they can disintegrate to One. When this happens, they restrain their normally free-spirited behaviors. They will work harder, educate people, and become more critical and judgmental. They may even scold, nitpick, or become sarcastic with people – noticing all their flaws and the flaws of others.

How to Help a Stressed Enneagram Seven:

  • Help them to calm down and take deep breaths.
  • Guide them through observing their feelings, both physical and emotional. They may dislike this initially and need some time alone first. It’s important for them to do this, though, either alone or with someone they can trust.
  • Meditation can be very helpful for Sevens. Encourage them to stick with this, even if it seems boring.
  • Encourage them to accept pain as well as pleasure. Help them to realize that pain is an integral part of life and will help them grow.
  • Be supportive as they vent or try to deal with their grief.
  • Give them delicious, healthy snacks to enjoy.
  • Help them to find a song that mirrors their emotions and listen to it with them.

Enneagram 8 in Stress

What Stresses Out Enneagram 8s:

  • Feeling out of control
  • Being micro-managed
  • Having to be a follower
  • Having their autonomy infringed upon
  • Not seeing progress towards a goal
  • Failure
  • Wishy-washy, vapid people
  • Manipulative people
  • Having to sugarcoat things
  • Having to play it safe
  • Being around corruption
  • Not being challenged

Charismatic and strong-willed, Eights crave freedom and a sense of power in their world. They need independence, and any situation that takes that away from them can create an enormous amount of stress and anger. During stress, Eights become more confrontational than usual and can work harder, trying to achieve more independence and control in their lives. If stress builds to extreme degrees, Eights can suddenly become reclusive and withdrawn. They get stuck in analysis, reading, and info-gathering, trying to find subjects to master in an attempt to feel competent again. They may stop taking care of themselves physically and become more quiet and detached than usual.

How to Help a Stressed-Out Enneagram Eight:

  • Prove that you are someone they can trust. Follow through on your promises and mean what you say.
  • Give them some time to themselves to decompress and sort things out.
  • Help them to tune into their breathing and calm their body.
  • Remind them that it’s okay to let down their guard around you. Let them know this doesn’t make them “weak.”
  • Let them know if they are intimidating you.
  • Show them that progress is being made towards a goal.
  • Be clear and direct with them, but understanding.

Enneagram 9 in Stress

What Stresses Out Enneagram 9s:

  • Conflict in their environment
  • Being with people who are making a “scene”
  • Being forced into a position
  • Being ignored or passed over
  • Saying “yes” to things they don’t want to do
  • Dealing with peer pressure
  • Losing relationships that are important to them
  • Suppressing anger for too long
  • Having too many demands on their time

Nines crave inner harmony and peace. They want time to themselves to imagine, contemplate, and explore. They enjoy peaceful, harmonious environments and freedom. During stress, they try to downplay their own choices and needs in an effort to create inner peace as well as outer peace. They worry that by asserting themselves they will create more conflict, both inside and outside. They try to suppress their anger, fearing that it will fragment or destroy them in some way. If stress increases to extreme levels, Nines fixate on forming relationships and security. They worry about worst-case scenarios and become uncharacteristically pessimistic and paranoid. They might blame other people for their problems or bring up long-stifled complaints about others. Their normally serene nature cracks to reveal numerous anxieties and frustrations under the surface.

How to Help a Stressed-Out Nine:

  • Give them permission to assert themselves and their needs. Ask them to “let it all out” and remind them that this is a judgment-free zone.
  • Give them some space and time to themselves.
  • Remind them that it’s okay to say “No” to things they don’t want to do.
  • Recognize their unique talents and encourage them to pursue them.
  • Help them process their anger. Remind them that anger isn’t always a bad thing. Use examples if possible.
  • Help them tune into their bodies. What do they need physically? Help them to take deep breaths.
  • Go for a jog with them or engage in some other form of exercise. This will help them to de-stress and process some of their feelings.

Not sure what your enneagram type is? Take our new personality questionnaire here!

Sources: The Wisdom of the EnneagramPersonality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery. These links are affiliate links. This means that if you purchase one of these eBooks, I get a small commission to help run my site.

Estimated reading time: 16 minutes

How Every Enneagram Type Reacts to Stress, and How to Help

Enneagram 1 in Stress

What stresses out the One Enneatype?

  • Being around lazy or undependable people.
  • Not seeing action taken towards a goal.
  • Shame over mistakes they’ve made.
  • Not living up to their own expectations.
  • Others not living up to their expectations.
  • Feeling like they have to be the responsible one while others are slacking.
  • Being taken for granted
  • Corruption in the world
  • Hypocrisy
  • Apathy
  • People being late
  • Messy surroundings
  • Their Own Perfectionism

Normally grounded and pragmatic, Ones under stress suddenly become moody and withdrawn. They’re often burned out by trying to live up by their ever-increasing expectations, and this exhaustion leads to resentment and anger. However, because Ones are always trying to repress their anger, it leaks out into irritated comments, sarcastic jabs, or cynical jokes. If stress is extreme, Ones lose their usual self-discipline and become more hostile, withdrawn, and emotionally reactive. They might overeat, break some of their own rules, or throw caution to the wind. It’s as if they’ve fired their “inner critic” and, for a moment, are letting loose a rebel that was always hiding in the corner. They become more self-indulgent, self-conscious, and dramatic.

How to Help a One Experiencing Stress:

  • Let them have an outburst. Just be with them. Don’t judge.
  • Take on some of the responsibilities around them without having to be asked.
  • Acknowledge the hard work they’ve put forth on a goal.
  • Thank them for the things they’ve done for you.
  • Give them some time alone to decompress.
  • Realize that they might be especially moody and critical. Try to be patient.
  • Let them know that they aren’t responsible for everything. Give them a break from some of their responsibilities.
  • Clean up the house or the area they’re in. Give them a sense that things are in order.
  • Remind them that nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes if they’re being self-critical.
  • After they’ve had a chance to calm down, give them something safe to play at. Watch a comedy with them, get them outside, or make them laugh.

Enneagram 2 in Stress

 What Stresses Out the Two Enneatype?

  • Being taken for granted
  • Too much time alone
  • Feeling unloved for who they are
  • Saying “yes” to too many things and burning themselves out
  • Not getting affirmation or gratitude for their kind deeds
  • Feeling left out
  • Being around emotionally distant people
  • Not having their kindness reciprocated
  • Not feeling needed

The core desire of the two is to feel loved for who they truly are. These types need to nurture themselves as much as they nurture others, but often they overextend themselves on others’ behalf. They hope that through selfless pursuits they will earn a sense of worth and love. When these types are severely stressed they become more blunt and aggressive. Usually kind-hearted and gentle, they suddenly reveal a shocking inner toughness. They will confront people directly for their misdeeds and won’t hold back in arguments that they’d normally shy away from. This fiery resolve and directness is usually shocking to people who are used to their normal gregarious, empathetic demeanor. While this is happening, Twos become more concerned with their survival. They’ll work harder and become more controlling of the world around them.

How to Help a Two Experiencing Stress:

  • Show them you care and acknowledge the kind things they have done.
  • Help them set healthy boundaries so that they don’t keep overextending themselves.
  • Remind them that they don’t need to worry so much about what other people think of them. Remind them of who their loyal friends and loved ones are – and that it’s okay not to be “perfect.”
  • Realize that they might be more confrontational and aggressive than usual. Understand that this is temporary, and try not to judge too harshly unless they are endangering someone.
  • Ask them if they want to vent, write down their feelings, or listen to a particular song to find a mirror for their feelings.
  • Help them find creative modes of self-expression like drawing, singing, or writing.
  • Tell them that it’s not selfish for them to take care of themselves and spend time on their own pursuits.
  • Help them cancel some of their non-essential obligations.

Enneagram 3 in Stress

What Stresses Out Enneagram Threes:

  • Not seeing progress towards a goal.
  • Feeling like a failure.
  • Feeling incompetent or being around incompetence.
  • Not being acknowledged for what they do.
  • Not accomplishing things.
  • Losing.
  • Comparing themselves to others who are highly successful.
  • Feeling worthless or undesirable.
  • Not being challenged.
  • Being around people who lack vision.

Highly-focused and driven to succeed, Threes often burn themselves out trying to be the best at whatever they do. Not afraid of a challenge, they enjoy proving themselves and standing out amid a crowd of mediocre individuals. However, when they are highly stressed they can push themselves way too hard and punish themselves too viciously for their failures. When extreme stress hits, they can suddenly flip a switch and become more listless and apathetic. They fill their time with busywork to try to avoid facing the reality of the problems they’re dealing with. Instead of actually doing anything, they may get caught up in fantasies of their next big success. They also may feel more hyper-sensitive than usual, but will avoid facing their feelings directly. These stress episodes are confusing for them and their loved ones because they’re typically so hard-working and ambitious.

How to Help a Stressed-Out Three:

  • Let them take off their “mask” of competence and capability. Patiently let them talk about what’s bothering them or give them time alone to decompress.
  • Help them take deep breaths and tune into their body. Are they hungry? Thirsty? Tired? In pain? Help them recognize their physical needs.
  • Encourage them (non-forcefully) to talk about their feelings. Remind them that you’re there to listen, not to judge. Give them a safe space to express their vulnerabilities without judging, offering advice, or coddling them. Simply listen.
  • Be authentic about your own vulnerabilities – this will help them to feel safe being vulnerable with you.
  • Draw their attention towards a creative avenue. Creative activity often helps Threes tremendously. Give them time to write, draw, listen to music, etc,.
  • Acknowledge their successes and how they’ve helped you.
  • Try to clean any messes in their surroundings. Disordered external surroundings tend to stress them.

Enneagram 4 in Stress

What Stresses Out Enneagram 4s:

  • Having to go along with the crowd.
  • Too many external pressures.
  • Feeling misunderstood or criticized.
  • Being micro-managed.
  • Being forced to follow a lot of rules and guidelines.
  • Not making progress on their creative goals.
  • Having to put on a “happy face” when they are struggling emotionally.
  • Having their feelings dismissed.
  • Living in dull, non-personalized surroundings.
  • Feeling creatively blocked.

Imaginative and melancholy, Fours believe in being deeply authentic and finding their unique identity in the world. They hate feeling forced into a box or unable to express their true feelings and ideals. When stressed, Fours tend to isolate themselves and brood over their negative feelings. They dwell on the darkness of their emotions and allow those feelings to engulf them. If stress increases to an extreme level, they may suddenly change and become more outgoing and anxious for human interaction. They might try too hard to please others or find ways to get closer to people. They will seem more needy, expressive, and people-pleasing. They crave affirmation and are terrified of being abandoned or rejected. They will try to help others in order to regain a sense of being needed by the ones they love.

How to Help a Stressed-Out Four:

  • Allow them to express their feelings. Don’t tell them how they feel or cut them off. Understand that their feelings are unique to them.
  • Remind them of what’s real and what they can count on. Don’t minimize their feelings, but point out the reality of the situation while empathizing with them.
  • Remind them of their talents and strengths.
  • Help them set up some positive routines that will create a more peaceful atmosphere in their home.
  • Set up healthy boundaries if they are regularly using you as an emotional dumping ground.
  • Remind them of what’s positive in the present moment.
  • Offer empathy before advice.
  • Let them know that they are lovable regardless of how different they are from others.

Read This Next: 7 Struggles of the Enneagram 4 Personality Type

Enneagram 5 in Stress

What Stresses Out Enneagram 5s:

  • Not getting enough alone time.
  • Being “barged in on.”
  • Feeling incompetent or incapable.
  • Feeling too detached from the physical world.
  • Physical malnutrition and neglect.
  • Being overwhelmed by fears and dark thoughts.
  • Not finding a niche for themselves.
  • Feeling like life is meaningless.
  • Extreme isolation and lack of connection.

Fives crave mastery in something that will set them apart from others. These types often grew up feeling misunderstood and lost in their families. They worried that they weren’t capable of handling whatever life hurled at them, and hoped that through mastery in a niche area they could feel competent. However, many Fives search endlessly for mastery and knowledge, only to get lost in theoretical analysis over real-world experience. Over time, they can become reclusive, detached, and anxious. Stress builds as they sense their growing detachment from reality and their own physical bodies. During regular stress, they try to get away from the world and narrow their focus on their niche interest. As stress builds, they become increasingly distractible. They may drink too much, binge eat, go to parties, clubs, and bars in search of an escape from their stress. They may seem especially aggressive and insensitive during these moments.

How to Help a Stressed-Out Five:

  • Help them to quiet their mind. Guide them through deep breathing and help them relax their body.
  • Help them tune into their body. Are they exhausted? Dehydrated? Hungry? In pain? Fives often detach from their physical needs under stress. Help guide them back to their bodies so that they can get physical peace.
  • Get them involved in a healthy activity. Take a walk, jump on a trampoline, go to the zoo, practice martial arts. These activities can reduce stress tremendously.
  • Remind them that you’ll be there for them regardless of whatever happens. Let them know that it’s okay to tell you about their needs and that it doesn’t make them “weak.”
  • Recognize their accomplishments and unique abilities.
  • Help them put their knowledge to the test in the real world when they’re feeling less stressed. The more they actualize their abilities the happier they will become.
  • Let them feel their grief. Show that you are trustworthy. Don’t coddle them or overly sympathize. Just show that you are there for them and remind them not to swallow their feelings. Encourage them to express themselves so that they can find relief.
  • Respect their need for privacy.
  • Don’t interrupt them or barge in on them.

Read This Next: 7 Struggles of the Enneagram Five Personality Type

Enneagram 6 in Stress

What Stresses Out Enneagram Sixes:

  • Undependable people
  • Disorder in their environment
  • Corruption or chaos in the world
  • Not trusting themselves
  • Not having a sense of community or support
  • Getting lost in catastrophizing
  • Feeling unsafe
  • Lack of structure or clarity
  • Burnout from over-committing and taking on too many responsibilities
  • Not finding answers to their questions
  • Wishy-washy behavior
  • Having other people decide for them
  • Feeling distrustful of people close to them
  • Making mistakes

Hard-working and loyal, Sixes crave an environment of security, support, and structure. They like knowing what’s going to happen and when it’s going to happen. Natural catastrophizers, they prepare for worst-case scenarios and are vigilant to any potential disaster. Under stress, Sixes become hyper-aware of all that could go wrong. They become exceedingly anxious and envision horrific possibilities at every turn. They get lost in endless thoughts and negative possibilities and may get caught up in researching solutions or news stories that might provide answers. They may also seek an authority or guide to help them find the best way to handle the situation. If stress builds to extreme levels, they disintegrate to 3. When this happens, they become more image-conscious and focused on how they appear to others. They may put on a persona of professionalism and confidence, becoming boastful and self-promoting. Their work absorbs them and they become fixated on achievement. By being competitive and ambitious they hope they can assuage their low self-esteem and brutal anxiety.

How to Help a Stressed-Out Six:

  • Remind them of what’s real and dependable.
  • Ask them to assume the worst happens. Then what they will do? Letting them talk it out can help them to calm down and realistically assess the situation.
  • Remind them that the worst could happen, but that the best could happen as well.
  • Don’t patronize their fears.
  • Follow through on your commitments and promises.
  • Remind them that you’re there for them.
  • Help them tune into their body. Guide them through deep breathing.
  • Ask them to assess their physical needs. Are they hungry? Tired? Thirsty? Remind them not to forget their physical needs.
  • Exercise with them or go for a walk. This can increase stress-reducing endorphins in the brain.
  • Help them to calm the flurry of internal voices in their mind. Encourage them to listen to their heart and instincts.
  • Make sure they’re getting time alone.
  • Help them cancel non-essential responsibilities that are overwhelming them.

Enneagram 7 in Stress

What Stresses Out Enneagram 7s:

  • Being micro-managed
  • Not having enough personal freedom
  • Lack of free, unstructured time
  • Excessive responsibilities
  • Being cooped up for too long
  • Being stuck in one place for too long
  • Boredom
  • Doing nitty-gritty, detail work
  • Financial problems
  • Being stuck in a routine
  • Lack of loyal friendships

Sevens are enthusiastic and innovative, finding possibility in even the direst situations. Because they’re so creative it’s typically easy for them to reframe a negative situation into a positive one. That said, they still experience stress just like everyone does. When Sevens are stressed, they become more escapist and impulsive. They’ll fixate on finding a fun activity or experience to pursue, and may become more hedonistic or scattered than usual. If stress builds to extreme degrees, they can disintegrate to One. When this happens, they restrain their normally free-spirited behaviors. They will work harder, educate people, and become more critical and judgmental. They may even scold, nitpick, or become sarcastic with people – noticing all their flaws and the flaws of others.

How to Help a Stressed Enneagram Seven:

  • Help them to calm down and take deep breaths.
  • Guide them through observing their feelings, both physical and emotional. They may dislike this initially and need some time alone first. It’s important for them to do this, though, either alone or with someone they can trust.
  • Meditation can be very helpful for Sevens. Encourage them to stick with this, even if it seems boring.
  • Encourage them to accept pain as well as pleasure. Help them to realize that pain is an integral part of life and will help them grow.
  • Be supportive as they vent or try to deal with their grief.
  • Give them delicious, healthy snacks to enjoy.
  • Help them to find a song that mirrors their emotions and listen to it with them.

Enneagram 8 in Stress

What Stresses Out Enneagram 8s:

  • Feeling out of control
  • Being micro-managed
  • Having to be a follower
  • Having their autonomy infringed upon
  • Not seeing progress towards a goal
  • Failure
  • Wishy-washy, vapid people
  • Manipulative people
  • Having to sugarcoat things
  • Having to play it safe
  • Being around corruption
  • Not being challenged

Charismatic and strong-willed, Eights crave freedom and a sense of power in their world. They need independence, and any situation that takes that away from them can create an enormous amount of stress and anger. During stress, Eights become more confrontational than usual and can work harder, trying to achieve more independence and control in their lives. If stress builds to extreme degrees, Eights can suddenly become reclusive and withdrawn. They get stuck in analysis, reading, and info-gathering, trying to find subjects to master in an attempt to feel competent again. They may stop taking care of themselves physically and become more quiet and detached than usual.

How to Help a Stressed-Out Enneagram Eight:

  • Prove that you are someone they can trust. Follow through on your promises and mean what you say.
  • Give them some time to themselves to decompress and sort things out.
  • Help them to tune into their breathing and calm their body.
  • Remind them that it’s okay to let down their guard around you. Let them know this doesn’t make them “weak.”
  • Let them know if they are intimidating you.
  • Show them that progress is being made towards a goal.
  • Be clear and direct with them, but understanding.

Enneagram 9 in Stress

What Stresses Out Enneagram 9s:

  • Conflict in their environment
  • Being with people who are making a “scene”
  • Being forced into a position
  • Being ignored or passed over
  • Saying “yes” to things they don’t want to do
  • Dealing with peer pressure
  • Losing relationships that are important to them
  • Suppressing anger for too long
  • Having too many demands on their time

Nines crave inner harmony and peace. They want time to themselves to imagine, contemplate, and explore. They enjoy peaceful, harmonious environments and freedom. During stress, they try to downplay their own choices and needs in an effort to create inner peace as well as outer peace. They worry that by asserting themselves they will create more conflict, both inside and outside. They try to suppress their anger, fearing that it will fragment or destroy them in some way. If stress increases to extreme levels, Nines fixate on forming relationships and security. They worry about worst-case scenarios and become uncharacteristically pessimistic and paranoid. They might blame other people for their problems or bring up long-stifled complaints about others. Their normally serene nature cracks to reveal numerous anxieties and frustrations under the surface.

How to Help a Stressed-Out Nine:

  • Give them permission to assert themselves and their needs. Ask them to “let it all out” and remind them that this is a judgment-free zone.
  • Give them some space and time to themselves.
  • Remind them that it’s okay to say “No” to things they don’t want to do.
  • Recognize their unique talents and encourage them to pursue them.
  • Help them process their anger. Remind them that anger isn’t always a bad thing. Use examples if possible.
  • Help them tune into their bodies. What do they need physically? Help them to take deep breaths.
  • Go for a jog with them or engage in some other form of exercise. This will help them to de-stress and process some of their feelings.

What Are Your Thoughts?

Do you have any suggestions for people with your enneatype? Let us know in the comments!

Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type,  The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You can also connect with me via FacebookInstagram, or Twitter!

Find out how each enneagram type reacts to stress and how to effectively help them. #Enneagram #Personality

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4 Comments

  1. I’m an INFP, and recently tested as a 4w5 on the Enneagram Test. I’ve read descriptions about the Type Four personality and feel that it suits me more than any other as far as a fundamental enneatype is concerned. I’ve also read about how Fours integrate into Ones under growth, but Ones disintegrate into Fours under stress. After reading this article, I still feel that Type Four matches me the best, but I also related a lot to the stressors of Type One, which confuses me a little since Fours disintegrate into Twos under stress (I also identified with the stressors of Type Two, which I guess is to be expected given this relationship between Four and Two). Is it possible for a Four to experience the same stressors of the One since unhealthy Ones equate to unhealthy Fours?

  2. I can’t remember what type I am from testing a while back, 4 or 5 maybe, but regardless, I feel stressed out by 95% of the things on every type’s list.

  3. I am type 5w6 and the above descriptions about them are spot on, especially in feeling incompetent or incapable and being distrustful of people, especially of friends or close ones.

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Enneagram Basic Fears

BASIC FEARS AND DISTORTIONS AND PATTERNS TO BE AWARE OF:

Type 1 – Fear of being bad, corrupt, evil, or defective.

The desire to have integrity (deteriorates into critical perfection). 

Value-judging, condemning yourself and others.

Type 2 – Fear of being unworthy or unloved.

The desire to be loved (deteriorates into the need to be needed).

Giving your value away to others.

Type 3 – Fear of being worthless or without inherent value.

The desire to be valuable (deteriorates into chasing after success).

Trying to be other than you authentically are. 

Type 4 – Fear of being without identity or personal significance.

The desire to be oneself (deteriorates into self-indulgence).

Making negative comparisons.

Type 5 – Fear of being useless, incapable, or incompetent.

The desire to be competent (deteriorates into useless specialization).

Over interpreting your experience.

Type 6 – Fear of being without support or guidance.

The desire to be secure (deteriorates into attachment to beliefs).

Becoming dependent on something outside yourself for support.

Type 7 – Fear of being deprived or trapped in pain.

The desire to be happy (deteriorates into frenetic escapism).

Anticipating what you are going to do next.

Type 8 – Fear of being harmed or controlled by others.

The desire to protect oneself (deteriorates into constant fighting).

Trying to force or control your life.

Type 9 – Fear of loss of connection, of fragmentation.

The desire to be at peace (deteriorates into stubborn neglectfulness).

Resisting being affected by your experiences.