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Childhood Messages

What You Needed to Hear As a Child, Based On Your Enneagram Type

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According to Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson, authors of “The Wisdom of the Enneagram,” there is an unconscious childhood message each of us received growing up. For some, the message was to trust others but not yourself. For others, the message was not to assert yourself or “get in the way.” These unconscious messages have a significant influence on how you cope with life, relate to others, and present yourself to the world. The message you desperately wished to hear is what we’ll be exploring today. How do you think your life would have panned out differently if you’d gotten this message?

Does this mean your parents were “bad”?

Parenting is hard work. It’s impossible to be perfect. Unless you are extraordinarily evolved and never slip up at all, chances are you’ll deliver some unconscious message to your child. I’m a parent of five children, so believe me, I’m not judging any parents here by creating this article. For some children, being taught to put others before yourself could have given them the impression that their needs didn’t matter. For other children, being taught to tone themselves down might have given them the idea that they should fade into the background. Children are sensitive beings, and sometimes the messages they receive during childhood were never intended to be given in the first place. But it happens nonetheless. So parents, if you’re reading this, don’t fall into a cycle of despair and rumination. We do the best we can do. As long as your child knew they were loved and you did your best, that’s the most important thing.

Not sure what your enneagram type is? Take our new personality questionnaire here!

The Childhood Message You Needed to Hear, Based On Your Enneagram Type

Enneagram 1 – “It’s okay to make mistakes”
Also: “You are good”

As a One, you strived to be perfect to prove to yourself and others that you had integrity. You worked hard to be reliable, responsible, and mature. You wouldn’t be the one who shirked their duties or turned in shoddy homework. You’d be the child your parents could be proud of and lean on if life got hard.

While you have so many admirable qualities, the unconscious message you received was that it was not okay to make mistakes. You absorbed the idea that perfection was the goal, not learning or growing at your own pace. Because of this, you would beat yourself up over your perceived failures or the failures of others. You’ve become fixated on details that might be wrong or imperfect. You might exhaust yourself aiming for a standard of perfection that is unattainable.

So dear One, take a moment to breathe deeply. Take a moment to recognize that nobody can be perfect and that mistakes are opportunities for learning and growth. Find joy in the journey of your life instead of always trying to climb to a higher standard of perfection.

Find out more about your type here: The Enneagram Type One – The Perfectionist

Enneagram 2 – “It’s okay to have your own needs”
Also: “You are wanted for who you are”

As a Two, you learned early on that you gained the approval you craved by putting others first. You loved the way your parents would light up when you did something to help them or gave them a gift. You learned to navigate the social world adeptly and recognize the kinds of compliments that made people beam with happiness. While many of your qualities are admirable, you have a tendency to work yourself to a stage of burnout. Putting others first all the time can mean that you build up resentment and exhaustion inside yourself. It can also mean that you struggle to set healthy boundaries.

So beloved Two, take a moment to think about your life right now. Are you sabotaging your needs? Are you resentful of people but failing to tell them what you want from them? Vulnerability is hard work, and it can feel scary, but it is so worth it in the long run. Your needs matter. It’s okay to ask for things – in fact, it’s good to ask for what you need. It’s also healthy to practice saying no and setting up boundaries that allow you to take care of yourself better.

Enneagram 3 – “It’s okay to have your own feelings and identity”
Also: “You are loved for yourself”

As a Three, you got the message early on that your achievements were what gave you value. Even if your parents loved you for who you were, you really saw them light up when you made the grade, got a trophy, styled your hair perfectly, or otherwise showed that you were a success.  Because of this, you started gathering symbols of success to prove your worth. And as much as you’d like to believe you’re achievements have given you security, you still worry that without them you’d be nothing. Achievement becomes a way that you offset painful feelings. As a result, you chase after benchmarks and successes as a way to drown out your pain.

So dear Three, take a moment to quiet your mind and get in touch with yourself. “Ugh,”  you might be thinking, “who has time for that?” Keep in mind that you might have been running away from painful feelings for so long that facing them can be overwhelming. In order to experience them without feeling like you’re drowning, try to take some time to just gently meditate. Listen to a song you love. Practice deep breathing. When you find yourself chasing a goal, stop and ask yourself what you might be running away from. Another important part of growing is being able to open up to someone that you trust. Do you have a friend you could really talk to and be vulnerable with without feeling like you’ll be betrayed? Confide in them. Practice being authentic with someone you value.

Enneagram 4 – “It’s okay to be happy and functional”
Also: “I see you for who you are”

As a Four, you experienced a deep sense of abandonment early in life. It could have been unintentional – perhaps another sibling was born, and your closest parent had to devote a lot of time to them. Maybe it was more apparent – a parent died, or there was a divorce, and you lost the closeness of a parent. This abandonment gave you the sense that you shouldn’t ever get too excited about anything – that you should never expect great things. This combined with your sense of “differentness,”  made you feel misunderstood, melancholy, and unseen for your true self.

So to the Four reading this, I want to encourage you to see all the ways you are affirmed and loved. Look at what’s real, rather than what’s imagined. Notice the friends and family members who are there for you. Reach out to them and acknowledge what they mean to you. On top of that, set up positive, creative routines for yourself. End your day by writing down five things yo grateful for. Start your day by repeating an affirming quote (there are plenty online). Take a walk in nature regularly while listening to calming or joyful music. Infusing your life with these positive routines will help spark joy inside you that you can learn to depend on.

Read This Next: Seven Struggles of the Enneagram Four Type

Enneagram 5 – “It’s okay to be comfortable in the world”
Also: “Your needs are not a problem.”

As a young Five, you got the unconscious message that the outer world either (A) didn’t accept you as one of their own, or (B) would completely overwhelm you. This could have happened because you weren’t nurtured in the way you craved, nobody understood you in a way that felt authentic, you were neglected, you had an overbearing parent or some other reason. Because you felt that you had no place in the family system, you learned to become ambivalent towards the world outside. You went inwards and connected with your thoughts, trying to detach from your feelings and intellectualize things rather than feel them. Keeping people at arm’s length is a way that you guard yourself against getting too comfortable and possibly getting overwhelmed or hurt.

Five, you are someone with tremendous value and originality. Your thoughts and ideas matter. Don’t withdraw so excessively from the outside world that you don’t have a chance to gain true companionship and real-world experience. Get in touch with your body through yoga, martial arts, walking in nature, or swimming. When you feel vulnerable or afraid, remember that you matter to people and that it’s okay to reach out to others for help. It may seem easier to isolate and detach, but it can actually cause you great harm in the future. Think of a family member, friend, or co-worker who you could reach out to. If you trust them, chances are they’ll appreciate you reaching out to them.

Enneagram Six – “It’s okay to trust yourself”
Also: “You are safe.”

As a young Six, you learned that you were supposed to count on others to guide you, but you also realized that others would let you down. Authorities seemed at times comforting, and at other times insufficient. Sometimes you feared being overwhelmed by an authority. You might have been told to trust an institution or religion and not your own heart or head. You might have had a parent you trusted who would suddenly get angry and startled you with aggression you weren’t expecting. There are many different ways you could have gotten this message.

Everyone has been let down by their parents in some way, even if the parents have done their very best. As a young Six, you got the message that you had to look outside yourself for guidance, nurturance, and closeness. At the same time, you felt like you had to guard yourself from this because you didn’t want to be overwhelmed, betrayed, or controlled. You seem to get stuck in cycles of craving guidance and authority and then fighting against guidance and authority. Deep down, you struggle to trust your own instincts and you look for authorities or “experts” to guide you. You also worry about all that could go wrong and can get lost in the hubbub of competing voices and worries in your mind.

Dear Six, you have so much more wisdom and insight than you realize. But it’s so hard for you to quiet the chaos of doubts in your mind and really listen to your heart. You can get so lost in catastrophizing that you fail to see the beauty of life all around you. Learn to quiet your mind and tune into your heart. Lots of competing voices might be trying to get you to worry, but try to silence them. Set aside quiet time for yourself  – take walks outside, meditate, journal, or pray. Connect with your inner voice and try to calm the “inner committee” that wants to whisper doubts and suspicions into your mind.

Read This Next: Seven Struggles of the Enneagram Six Type

Enneagram Seven – “It’s okay to depend on others”
Also: “You will be taken care of.”

As a Seven, you learned that people, particularly your nurturing parent, could be fickle and that you had to find an escape from pain by looking to “substitutes” and distractions. Parents of the Seven may not have meant to be fickle or disconnected – perhaps another child was born who required a lot of attention, perhaps the nurturing figure had to work long hours. There are many reasons, often unintentional, that children get these unconscious messages. Either way, the young Seven looked for distractions, games, or activities that could tone down the inner pain they felt inside. They learned to depend on activities and objects to nurture them instead of people. Only through a great deal of maturity do they let go of this unconscious belief.

Dear Seven, you bring so much enthusiasm, creativity, and energy into the world. I can’t imagine how dull this planet would be without you. Take some time to get in touch with your heart today – don’t look for a distraction, even if you feel bored. Meditate, quiet your soul, and don’t try to distract yourself with ideas of other experiences. You won’t want to sit still for this long period of time – your mind will try to pull you out of it. But let yourself rest with the discomfort. What thoughts come to your mind? Notice how much mental chatter you’ve been stifling in your search for distractions. Try to relax and breathe deeply. You can start small and do this for just a few minutes, but try to increase that time as the days go on. What ideas and revelations come to you during this time?

Enneagram Eight – “It’s okay to be vulnerable and to trust others”
Also: “You will not be betrayed.”

As a young Eight, you learned that you had to be the tough, decisive, strong one in the family. You may have had a parent who depended on you, a missing parent, or some other situation that made you feel like you couldn’t show weakness, vulnerability, or ineptitude. You developed an “every man for himself” kind of attitude and felt that you had to fight to survive. Because of this, you struggle to be vulnerable – especially when you’re at a lower level of maturity. It’s also difficult for you to feel out of control or under the authority of others. In careers, this can show up as you wanting to be your own boss or taking on independent work.

Dear Eight, it’s so tempting to hide under a tough outer shell and never share your grief or vulnerabilities. But it can be a problem when it destroys relationships or you inevitably distrust people and keep them at arm’s length. Find people you’ve developed a higher level of trust with (I know. Trust is hard), and talk to them about the things that really matter to you. Share your deeper feelings. I know it sounds cringy and scary at first. But as you do it, you’ll feel the burdens you’ve been carrying around get lighter. You’ll also realize that your friends appreciate it when you reach out to them. It makes them feel valued and they are able to be a better friend because they know you more intimately. As you do this, you’ll learn the value of friendship and intimacy and you’ll also learn how to be a better friend yourself.

Enneagram Nine – “It’s okay to stand up for yourself.”
Also: “Your presence matters”

As a young Nine, you got the impression that life would be better if you didn’t assert yourself. This could have happened during times when there was tension at home and you repressed the pain by imagining something pleasant in your mind. It could have happened when you noticed that life got easier if you didn’t ask for things or get angry and show it. Many children are told to “calm down” or “stop whining” and, while it’s inevitable to hear that at some point as a child, you took it especially to heart. As a result, you struggle to state your needs, express your anger, or fully reveal your true self. If you’re at a higher level of maturity you may have learned the importance and value of healthy anger and have practiced asserting your needs. But you still wish you’d realized this as a young child and had the opportunity to be more present with yourself and more kind to your inner wishes.

Dear Nine, you are one of the most open-minded, accepting Enneagram types. People know that they can be themselves around you without feeling judged or criticized. But how about turning some of that compassion and open-mindedness towards yourself? Take some time to tap into your inner feelings – good and bad. Anger isn’t always something to repress and distract yourself from – it can be a sign that you need to stand up for yourself and set a healthy boundary. It’s okay to assert yourself. It will do great damage to numb yourself to your true feelings and identity. Practice meditation, journaling, or quiet self-reflection. Practice saying exactly what you want when someone asks for your preference on something (for example, stating where you want to eat when your partner asks you).

Read This Next: Seven Struggles of the Enneagram Nine Type

Symbol

The symbol used now is a combination of three concepts:

symbol component circleA Circle, representing the Oneness of life, and the container within which we as humans live out the context of our lives. It represents the Wholeness of a humans, before we were seemingly fragmented by ego and after we have become aware that we have never lost that Wholeness.

 

symbol component triangleA Triangle, represents what is known as the Law of Threes, which states that every whole phenomenon is composed of three separate sources: the Active, the Passive, and the Neutral.  It’s easy to find examples of the Law of Threes: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are one.  Another is the concept of The Perceiver, the Act of Perceiving, and The Perceived.  In his Fourth Way teachings, George Gurdjieff applied the Law of Three in a process of transformation that required, as he saw it,   affirmation, denial, and reconciliation.

 

And lastly, the Hexad, a six-pointed figure that follows seven points from beginning through symbol component hexadsix changes in momentum, and then back to its origin, which is the seventh point. The Hexad represents the Law of Seven, which considers the path of movement toward and away from anything in our world as not a straight line, but rather periods along the journey of striving, failing, and striving again…a rising and falling of energies along the path.  The Hexad has its origins in Sufi tradition.

 

The Enneagram symbol overlays the three elements onto each other in a way that, symbolizes a path to a fuller, richer life for anyone willing to step back from the triggers of personality and into self-observation.  The lines on the Enneagram symbol show that path.

Symbol

 

 

 

 

 

 

As the numbers get added to the symbol, representing the 9 personality types, the relationship between the numbers is indicated by the lines that connect them (the numbers are connected to only two other numbers, for reasons we’ll explore later).  The symbol below shows the 9 personality types of the Enneagram. It also illustrates a basic use of the Law of Three, showing the three triads with three personality types in each,

complete symbol

Theory

How the Enneagram System Works

“Enneagram doesn’t put you in a box but shows us the box we got unwittingly put into and helps us find our way out of it.” – Russ Hudson

The Enneagram describes three “centers of intelligence,” nine personality “types,” and twenty-seven “subtypes” that provide an amazingly accurate picture of personality in terms of the patterns associated with the way we function

Introduction to the Enneagram

This explanation covers the basics that you will need to understand how the Enneagram works and will be especially helpful for beginners. As you will see, only a few simple concepts are needed to begin your journey of self-discovery. The Enneagram, however, is ultimately subtle and complex, as you will appreciate the more you use it in your life.

Structure

The Enneagram’s structure may look complicated, although it is actually simple. It will help you understand the Enneagram if you sketch it yourself.

Draw a circle and mark nine equidistant points on its circumference. Designate each point by a number from one to nine, with nine at the top, for symmetry and by convention. Each point represents one of the nine basic personality types.

The nine points on the circumference are also connected with each other by the inner lines of the Enneagram. Note that points Three, Six, and Nine form an equilateral triangle. The remaining six points are connected in the following order: One connects with Four, Four with Two, Two with Eight, Eight with Five, Five with Seven, and Seven with One. These six points form an irregular hexagram. The meaning of these inner lines will be discussed shortly.

The Enneagram

The Enneagram


Your Basic Personality Type

From one point of view, the Enneagram can be seen as a set of nine distinct personality types, with each number on the Enneagram denoting one type. It is common to find a little of yourself in all nine of the types, although one of them should stand out as being closest to yourself. This is your basic personality type.

Everyone emerges from childhood with one of the nine types dominating their personality, with inborn temperament and other pre-natal factors being the main determinants of our type. This is one area where most all of the major Enneagram authors agree—we are born with a dominant type. Subsequently, this inborn orientation largely determines the ways in which we learn to adapt to our early childhood environment. It also seems to lead to certain unconscious orientations toward our parental figures, but why this is so, we still do not know. In any case, by the time children are four or five years old, their consciousness has developed sufficiently to have a separate sense of self. Although their identity is still very fluid, at this age children begin to establish themselves and find ways of fitting into the world on their own.

Thus, the overall orientation of our personality reflects the totality of all childhood factors (including genetics) that influenced its development. (For more about the developmental patterns of each personality type, see the related section in the type descriptions in Personality Types and in The Wisdom of the Enneagram. There is a discussion of the overall theory in Understanding The Enneagram67-70).

Several more points can be made about the basic type itself.

  1. People do not change from one basic personality type to another.

  2. The descriptions of the personality types are universal and apply equally to males and females since no type is inherently masculine or feminine.

  3. Not everything in the description of your basic type will apply to you all the time because you fluctuate constantly among the healthy, average, and unhealthy traits that make up your personality type.

  4. The Enneagram uses numbers to designate each of the types because numbers are value-neutral— they imply the whole range of attitudes and behaviors of each type without specifying anything either positive or negative. Unlike the labels used in psychiatry, numbers provide an unbiased, shorthand way of indicating a lot about a person without being pejorative.

  5. The numerical ranking of the types is not significant. A larger number is no better than a smaller number; it is not better to be a Nine than a Two because nine is a bigger number.

  6. No type is inherently better or worse than any other. While all personality types have unique assets and liabilities, some types may be considered to be more desirable than others in any given culture or group. Furthermore, for one reason or another, you may not be happy being a particular type. As you learn more about all the types, however, you will see that just as each has unique assets, each has unique liabilities. The ideal is to become your best self, not to imitate the assets of another type.

Identifying Your Basic Personality Type

If taken properly, our questionnaire, the Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator (RHETI® version 2.5), will identify your basic personality type for you. This short section is included so that we can have a basic understanding of the types in our discussion without having to go to the longer descriptions in the next section.

As you think about your personality, which of the following nine roles fits you best most of the time? Or, to put it differently, if you were to describe yourself in a few words, which of the following word clusters would come closest?

 

The Enneagram with Riso-Hudson Type Names

The Enneagram with Riso-Hudson Type Names

These one-word descriptors can be expanded into four-word sets of traits. Keep in mind that these are merely highlights and do not represent the full spectrum of each type.

Type One is principled, purposeful, self-controlled, and perfectionistic.

Type Two is generous, demonstrative, people-pleasing, and possessive.

Type Three is adaptable, excelling, driven, and image-conscious.

Type Four is expressive, dramatic, self-absorbed, and temperamental.

Type Five is perceptive, innovative, secretive, and isolated.

Type Six is engaging, responsible, anxious, and suspicious.

Type Seven is spontaneous, versatile, acquisitive, and scattered.

Type Eight is self-confident, decisive, willful, and confrontational.

Type Nine is receptive, reassuring, complacent, and resigned.


The Centers

The Enneagram is a 3 x 3 arrangement of nine personality types in three Centers. There are three types in the Instinctive Center, three in the Feeling Center, and three in the Thinking Center, as shown below. Each Center consists of three personality types that have in common the assets and liabilities of that Center. For example, personality type Four has unique strengths and liabilities involving its feelings, which is why it is in the Feeling Center. Likewise, the Eight’s assets and liabilities involve its relationship to its instinctual drives, which is why it is in the Instinctive Center, and so forth for all nine personality types.

The Centers of the Enneagram

The Centers of the Enneagram

The inclusion of each type in its Center is not arbitrary. Each type results from a particular relationship with a cluster of issues that characterize that Center. Most simply, these issues revolve around a powerful, largely unconscious emotional response to the loss of contact with the core of the self. In the Instinctive Center, the emotion is Anger or Rage. In the Feeling Center, the emotion is Shame, and in the Thinking Center, it is Fear. Of course, all nine types contain all three of these emotions, but in each Center, the personalities of the types are particularly affected by that Center’s emotional theme.

The Dominant Emotion of each Center

The Dominant Emotion of each Center

Thus, each type has a particular way of coping with the dominant emotion of its Center. We can briefly see what this means by examining each type, Center by Center. In the Instinctive Center, Eights act out their anger and instinctual energies. In other words, when Eights feel anger building in them, they immediately respond to it in some physical way, raising their voices, and moving more forcefully. Others can clearly see that Eights are angry because they give themselves permission to express their anger physically.

Nines deny their anger and instinctual energies as if to say, “What anger? I am not a person who gets angry.” Nines are the type most out of touch with their anger and instinctual energies, often feeling threatened by them. Of course, Nines get angry like everyone else, but try to stay out of their darker feelings by focusing on idealizations of their relationships and their world.

Ones attempt to control or repress their anger and instinctual energy. They feel that they must stay in control of themselves, especially of their instinctual impulses and angry feelings at all times. They would like to direct these energies according to the dictates of their highly developed inner critic (superego), the source of their strictures on themselves and others.

In the Feeling Center, Twos attempt to control their shame by getting other people to like them and to think of them as good people. They also want to convince themselves that they are good, loving people by focusing on their positive feelings for others while repressing their negative feelings (such as anger and resentment at not being appreciated enough). As long as Twos can get positive emotional responses from others, they feel wanted and are able to control feelings of shame.

Threes try to deny their shame and are potentially the most out of touch with underlying feelings of inadequacy. Threes learn to cope with shame by trying to become what they believe a valuable, successful person is like. Thus, Threes learn to perform well, to be acceptable, even outstanding and are often driven relentlessly in their pursuit of success as a way of staving off feelings of shame and fears of failure.

Fours attempt to control their shame by focusing on how unique and special their particular talents, feelings, and personal characteristics are. Fours highlight their individuality and creativity as a way of dealing with their shameful feelings, although Fours are the type most likely to succumb to feelings of inadequacy. Fours also manage their shame by cultivating a rich, romantic fantasy life in which they do not have to deal with whatever in their life seems drab or uninteresting to them.

In the Thinking Center, Fives have fear about the outer world and about their capacity to cope with it. Thus, they cope with their fear by withdrawing from the world. Fives become secretive, isolated loners who use their minds to penetrate into the nature of the world. Fives hope that eventually, as they understand reality on their own terms, they will be able to rejoin the world and participate in it, but they never feel they know enough to participate with total confidence. Instead, they involve themselves with increasingly complex inner worlds.

Sixes exhibit the most fear of all three types, largely experienced as anxiety, which causes them to be the most out of touch with their own sense of inner knowing and confidence. Unlike Fives, Sixes have trouble trusting their own minds, so they are constantly looking outside themselves for something to make them feel sure of themselves. They might turn to philosophies, beliefs, relationships, jobs, savings, authorities, or any combination of the above. But no matter how many security structures they create, Sixes still feel doubtful and anxious. They may even begin to doubt the very people and beliefs that they have turned to for reassurance. Sixes may also respond to their fear and anxiety by impulsively confronting it— defying their fear in the effort to be free of it.

Sevens have fear about their inner world. There are feelings of pain, loss, deprivation, and general anxiety that Sevens would like to stay clear of as much as possible. To cope with these feelings, Sevens keep their minds occupied with exciting possibilities and options— as long as they have something stimulating to anticipate, Sevens feel that they can distract themselves from their fears. Sevens, in most cases, do not stop merely at thinking about these options, however. As much as possible they attempt to actually do as many of their options as they can. Thus, Sevens can be found staying on the go, pursuing one experience after another, and keeping themselves entertained and engaged with their many ideas and activities.


The Wing

No one is a pure personality type: everyone is a unique mixture of his or her basic type and usually one of the two types adjacent to it on the circumference of the Enneagram. One of the two types adjacent to your basic type is called your wing.

Your basic type dominates your overall personality, while the wing complements it and adds important, sometimes contradictory, elements to your total personality. Your wing is the “second side” of your personality, and it must be taken into consideration to better understand yourself or someone else. For example, if you are a personality type Nine, you will likely have either a One-wing or an Eight-wing, and your personality as a whole can best be understood by considering the traits of the Nine as they uniquely blend with the traits of either the One or the Eight. In our teaching experience over the years, we have also encountered some individuals who seem to have both wings, while others are strongly influenced by their basic type and show little of either wing.

There is disagreement among the various traditions of the Enneagram about whether individuals have one or two wings. Strictly speaking, everyone has two wings—in the restricted sense that both of the types adjacent to your basic type are operative in your personality since each person possesses the potentials of all nine types. However, this is not what is usually meant by “having two wings,” and proponents of the so-called two-wing theory believe that both wings operate more or less equally in everyone’s personality. (For example, they believe that a Nine would have roughly equal amounts of his or her Eight and One wings.)

Observation of people leads us to conclude that while the two-wing theory applies to some individuals, most people have a dominant wing. In the vast majority of people, while the so-called second wing always remains operative to some degree, the dominant wing is far more important. (For example, Twos with Three-wings are noticeably different from Twos with One-wings, and while Twos with Three-wings have a One-wing, it is not nearly as important as the Three-wing.) It is, therefore, clearer to refer simply to a type’s “wing” as opposed to its “dominant wing,” since the two terms represent the same concept.

One other observation about wings is worth mentioning. In the course of teaching the Enneagram in workshops and Training, many people in the latter half of their lives have reported the development of their so-called “second wing.” And in individuals who have been pursuing psychological and/or spiritual work, we have seen evidence that this is true. We do not know, however, whether these students were merely seeing all of the positive potentials of the nine types unfolding in them as they matured—their second wing being one of the other seven types—or whether this was a specific development of the second wing type. We will continue to investigate this idea in our work with our students and colleagues.

It is, of course, necessary to identify your basic type before you can assess which wing you have. Besides indicating your basic type, the Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator may also indicate your wing. Even so, the best way to understand the influence of your wing is to read the full descriptions of your type and its wings in Personality Types. You can also read the descriptions of the two types adjacent to your basic type and decide which best applies to you.


The Levels of Development

There is an internal structure within each personality type. That structure is the continuum of behaviors, attitudes, defenses, and motivations formed by the nine Levels of Development which make up the personality type itself. This discovery (and the working out of all the traits that comprise each type) was originally made by Don Riso in 1977, and was further developed by Don with Russ Hudson in the 1990s. They are the only Enneagram teachers to include this important factor in their treatment of the Enneagram. The Levels are an important contribution not only to the Enneagram but to ego psychology — and the personality types of the Enneagram cannot be adequately explained without them. The Levels account for differences between people of the same type as well as how people change both for better or worse. Thus, they can also help therapists and counselors pinpoint what is actually going on with clients and suggest solutions to the problems they are having.

The Levels of Development provide a framework for seeing how all of the different traits that comprise each type fit into a large whole; they are a way of conceptualizing the underlying “skeletal” structure of each type. Without the Levels, the types can seem to be an arbitrary collection of unrelated traits, with contradictory behaviors and attitudes often part of the picture. But by understanding the Levels for each type, one can see how all of the traits are interrelated—and how healthy traits can deteriorate into average traits and possibly into unhealthy ones. As pioneering consciousness philosopher Ken Wilber has noted, without the Levels, the Enneagram is reduced to a “horizontal” set of nine discrete categories. By including the Levels, however, a “vertical” dimension is added that not only reflects the complexity of human nature but goes far in explaining many different, important elements within the personality.

Further, with the Levels, a dynamic element is introduced that reflects the changing nature of the personality patterns themselves. You have probably noticed that people change constantly—sometimes they are clearer, more free, grounded, and emotionally available, while at other times they are more anxious, resistant, reactive, emotionally volatile, and less free. Understanding the Levels makes it clear that when people change states within their personality, they are shifting within the spectrum of motivations, traits, and defenses that make up their personality type.

To understand an individual accurately, it is necessary to perceive where the person lies along the continuum of Levels of his or her type at a given time. In other words, one must assess whether a person is in their healthy, average, or unhealthy range of functioning. This is important because, for example, two people of the same personality type and wing will differ significantly if one is healthy and the other unhealthy. (In relationships and in the business world, understanding this distinction is crucial.)

The continuum is comprised of nine internal Levels of Development—briefly, there are three Levels in the healthy section, three Levels in the average section, and three Levels in the unhealthy section. It may help you to think of the continuum of Levels as a photographer’s gray scale which has gradations from pure white to pure black with many shades of gray in between. On the continuum, the healthiest traits appear first, at the top, so to speak. As we move down the continuum in a spiral pattern, we progressively pass through each Level of Development marking a distinct shift in the personality’s deterioration to the pure black of psychological breakdown at the bottom. The continuum for each of the personality types can be seen in the following diagram.


 The Continuum of the Levels of Development

Healthy

  • Level 1: The Level of Liberation

  • Level 2: The Level of Psychological Capacity

  • Level 3: The Level of Social Value

Average

  • Level 4: The Level of Imbalance/ Social Role

  • Level 5: The Level of Interpersonal Control

  • Level 6: The Level of Overcompensation

Unhealthy

  • Level 7: The Level of Violation

  • Level 8: The Level of Obsession and Compulsion

  • Level 9: The Level of Pathological Destructiveness


At each Level, significant psychological shifts occur as is indicated by the title we have given to it. For example, at Level 5, the Level of Interpersonal Control, the person is trying to manipulate himself and others to get his or her psychological needs met. This invariably creates interpersonal conflicts. By this Level, the person has also fully identified with the ego and does not see himself as anything more than that: the ego must therefore be increasingly defended and inflated for the person to feel safe and to keep their identity intact. If this activity does not satisfy the person, and anxiety increases, he or she may deteriorate to the next state, Level 6, the Level of Overcompensation, where their behavior will become more intrusive and aggressive as they continue to pursue their ego-agenda. Anxiety is increasing, and the person is increasingly disruptive and focused on getting his needs met, regardless of the impact on people around them.

One of the most profound ways of understanding the Levels is as a measure of our capacity to be present. The more we move down the Levels, the more identified we are with our ego and its increasingly negative and restrictive patterns. Our personality becomes more defensive, reactive, and automatic— and we consequently have less and less real freedom and less real consciousness. As we move down the Levels, we become caught in more compulsive, destructive actions which are ultimately self-defeating.

By contrast, the movement toward health, up the Levels, is simultaneous with being more present and awake in our minds, hearts, and bodies. As we become more present, we become less fixated on the defensive structures of our personality and are more attuned and open to ourselves and our environment. We see our personality objectively in action rather than “falling asleep” to our automatic personality patterns. There is therefore the possibility of “not doing” our personality and of gaining some real distance from the negative consequences of getting caught in it.

As we become more present, we see our personality traits more objectively and the Levels become a continuous guide to self-observation, a map that we can use to chart where we are in our psycho-spiritual development at any given time. As we move “up” the Levels, we discover that we are freer and less driven by compulsive, unconscious drives and therefore able to act more effectively in all areas of our lives, including in our relationships. When we are less identified with our personality, we find that we respond as needed to whatever life presents, actualizing the positive potentials in all nine types, bringing real peace, creativity, strength, joy, compassion, and other positive qualities to whatever we are doing. (For more, see Personality Types, 45-51, 421-6; 465-93; Understanding the Enneagram, 136-66, and The Wisdom of the Enneagram.)


Directions of Integration (Growth) and Disintegration (Stress)

As we have seen with the Levels of Development, the nine personality types of the Enneagram are not static categories: they reflect our change over time. Further, the sequence of the types and the arrangement of the inner lines of the symbol are not arbitrary. The inner lines of the Enneagram connect the types in a sequence that denotes what each type will do under different conditions. There are two lines connected to each type, and they connect with two other types. One line connects with a type that represents how a person of the first type behaves when they are moving toward health and growth. This is called the Direction of Integration or Growth. The other line goes to another type that represents how the person is likely to act out if they are under increased stress and pressure—when they feel they are not in control of the situation. This second line is called the Direction of Stress or Disintegration. In other words, different situations will evoke different kinds of responses from your personality. You will respond or adapt in different directions, as indicated by the lines of the Enneagram from your basic type. Again, we see the flexibility and dynamism of the Enneagram.

The Direction of Disintegration or Stress for each type is indicated by the sequence of numbers 1-4-2-8-5-7-1. This means that an average to unhealthy One under stress will eventually behave like an average to unhealthy Four; an average to unhealthy Four will act out their stress like an average to unhealthy Two; an average to unhealthy Two will act out under stress like an Eight, an Eight will act out under stress like a Five, a Five will act out like a Seven, and a Seven will act out like a One. (An easy way to remember the sequence is to realize that 1-4 or 14 doubles to 28 and that doubles to 57—or almost so. Thus, 1-4-2-8-5-7—and the sequence returns to 1 and begins again.) Likewise, on the equilateral triangle, the sequence is 9-6-3-9: a stressed-out Nine will act out like a Six, a stressed-out Six will act out like a Three, and a stressed-out Three will act out like a Nine. (You can remember this sequence if you think of the numerical values diminishing as the types become more stressed and reactive. You can see how this works by following the direction of the arrows on the following Enneagram.

The Direction of Disintegration (Stress)    1-4-2-8-5-7-1    9-6-3-9

The Direction of Disintegration (Stress)

1-4-2-8-5-7-1

9-6-3-9

The Direction of Integration or Growth is indicated for each type by the reverse of the sequences for disintegration. Each type moves toward integration in a direction that is the opposite of its unhealthy direction. Thus, the sequence for the Direction of Integration is 1-7-5-8-2-4-1: an integrating One goes to Seven, an integrating Seven goes to Five, an integrating Five goes to Eight, an integrating Eight goes to Two, an integrating Two goes to Four, and an integrating Four goes to One. On the equilateral triangle, the sequence is 9-3-6-9: an integrating Nine will go to Three, an integrating Three will go to Six, and an integrating Six will go to Nine. You can see how this works by following the direction of the arrows on the following Enneagram.

The Direction of Integration (Growth)    1-7-5-8-2-4-1    9-3-6-9

The Direction of Integration (Growth)

1-7-5-8-2-4-1

9-3-6-9

It is not necessary to have separate Enneagrams for the Direction of Integration and the Direction of Disintegration. Both directions can be shown on one Enneagram by eliminating the arrows and connecting the proper points with plain lines.

The Direction of Integration (Growth)
1-7-5-8-2-4-1
9-3-6-9

The Direction of Disintegration (Stress)
1-4-2-8-5-7-1
9-6-3-9

No matter which personality type you are, the types in both your Direction of Integration or Growth and your Direction of Disintegration or Stress are important influences. To obtain a complete picture of yourself (or of someone else), you must take into consideration the basic type and wing as well as the two types in the Directions of Integration and Disintegration. The factors represented by those four types blend into your total personality and provide the framework for understanding the influences operating in you. For example, no one is simply a personality type Two. A Two has either a One-wing or a Three-wing, and the Two’s Direction of Disintegration (Eight) and its Direction of Integration (Four) also play important parts in his or her overall personality.

Ultimately, the goal is for each of us to “move around” the Enneagram, integrating what each type symbolizes and acquiring the healthy potentials of all the types. The ideal is to become a balanced, fully functioning person who can draw on the power (or from the Latin, “virtue”) of each as needed. Each of the types of the Enneagram symbolizes different important aspects of what we need to achieve this end. The personality type we begin life with is therefore less important ultimately than how well (or badly) we use our type as the beginning point for our self-development and self-realization.


The Three Instincts

The three Instincts (often erroneously called “the subtypes”) are the third set of distinctions that are extremely important for understanding personality. A major aspect of human nature lies in our instinctual “hard wiring” as biological beings. We each are endowed with specific instinctual intelligences that are necessary for our survival as individuals and as a species. We each have a self-preservation instinct (for preserving the body and its life and functioning), a sexual instinct (for extending ourselves in the environment and through the generations), and a social instinct (for getting along with others and forming secure social bonds).

While we have all three Instincts in us, one of them is the dominant focus of our attention and behavior—the set of attitudes and values that we are most attracted to and comfortable with. We each also have a second Instinct that is used to support the dominant Instinct, as well as a third Instinct that is the least developed—a real blind spot in our personality and our values. Which Instinct is in each of these three places—most, middle, and least developed—produces what we call our “Instinctual Stack” (like a three-layer cake) with your dominant Instinct on top, the next most developed Instinct in the middle, and the least developed on the bottom).

These instinctual drives profoundly influence our personalities, and at the same time, our personalities largely determine how each person prioritizes these instinctual needs. Thus, while every human being has all three of these instincts operating in him or her, our personality causes us to be more concerned with one of these instincts than the other two. We call this instinct our dominant instinct. This tends to be our first priority—the area of life we attend to first. But when we are more caught up in the defenses of our personality—further down the Levels of Development— our personality most interferes with our dominant instinct.

Further, our Enneagram type flavors the way in which we approach our dominant instinctual need. Combining our Enneagram type with our dominant instinct yields a much more specific portrait of the workings of our personality. When we apply the distinctions of these three instincts to the nine Enneagram types they create 27 unique combinations of type and dominant instinct that account for differences and variability within the types. We call these combinations the Instinctual Variants.

The Enneagram Institute® offers an online test, the Instinctual Variants Questionnaire (IVQ), for helping people determine not only their dominant instinct, but also their Instinctual Stack. The IVQ also provides a detailed personality profile derived from the combination of the test taker’s Enneagram type, wing, and Instinctual Stack.

The following are brief descriptions of the three instincts:

Self Preservation Instinct

People who have this as their dominant instinct are preoccupied with the safety, comfort, health, energy, and well-being of the physical body. In a word, they are concerned with having enough resources to meet life’s demands. Identification with the body is a fundamental focus for all humans, and we need our body to function well in order to be alive and active in the world. Most people in contemporary cultures have not faced life or death “survival” in the strictest sense; thus, Self-Preservation types tend to be concerned with food, money, housing, medical matters, and physical comfort. Moreover, those primarily focused on self-preservation, by extension, are usually interested in maintaining these resources for others as well. Their focus of attention naturally goes towards things related to these areas such as clothes, temperature, shopping, decorating, and the like, particularly if they are not satisfied in these areas or have a feeling of deficiency due to their childhoods. Self-Pres types tend to be more grounded, practical, serious, and introverted than the other two instinctual types. They might have active social lives and a satisfying intimate relationship, but if they feel that their self-preservation needs are not being met, still tend not to be happy or at ease. In their primary relationships, these people are “nesters”—they seek domestic tranquility and security with a stable, reliable partner.

Sexual (aka “Attraction”) Instinct

Many people originally identify themselves as this type because they have learned that the Sexual types are interested in “one-on-one relationships.” But all three instinctual types are interested in one-on-one relationships for different reasons, so this does not distinguish them. The key element in Sexual types is an intense drive for stimulation and a constant awareness of the “chemistry” between themselves and others. Sexual types are immediately aware of the attraction, or lack thereof, between themselves and other people. Further, while the basis of this instinct is related to sexuality, it is not necessarily about people engaging in the sexual act. There are many people that we are excited to be around for reasons of personal chemistry that we have no intention of “getting involved with.” Nonetheless, we might be aware that we feel stimulated in certain people’s company and less so in others. The sexual type is constantly moving toward that sense of intense stimulation and juicy energy in their relationships and in their activities. They are the most “energized” of the three instinctual types, and tend to be more aggressive, competitive, charged, and emotionally intense than the Self-Pres or Social types. Sexual types need to have intense energetic charge in their primary relationships or else they remain unsatisfied. They enjoy being intensely involved—even merged—with others, and can become disenchanted with partners who are unable to meet their need for intense energetic union. Losing yourself in a “fusion” of being is the ideal here, and Sexual types are always looking for this state with others and with stimulating objects in their world.

Social (aka “Adaptive”) Instinct

Just as many people tend to misidentify themselves as Sexual types because they want one-on-one relationships, many people fail to recognize themselves as Social types because they get the (false) idea that this means always being involved in groups, meetings, and parties. If Self-Preservation types are interested in adjusting the environment to make themselves more secure and comfortable, Social types adapt themselves to serve the needs of the social situation they find themselves in. Thus, Social types are highly aware of other people, whether they are in intimate situations or in groups. They are also aware of how their actions and attitudes are affecting those around them. Moreover, Sexual types seek intimacy, Social types seek personal connection: they want to stay in long-term contact with people and to be involved in their world. Social types are the most concerned with doing things that will have some impact on their community, or even broader domains. They tend to be warmer, more open, engaging, and socially responsible than the other two types. In their primary relationships, they seek partners with whom they can share social activities, wanting their intimates to get involved in projects and events with them. Paradoxically, they actually tend to avoid long periods of exclusive intimacy and quiet solitude, seeing both as potentially limiting. Social types lose their sense of identity and meaning when they are not involved with others in activities that transcend their individual interests.


Typing Yourself and Others

Once you have taken the Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator (RHETI® version 2.5) to discover your dominant type, and perhaps also the Instinctual Variants Questionnaire to further refine your understanding of the Enneagram types, you may be curious about the personality types of others. Since you will usually not be able to administer the RHETI® or IVQ to business associates or to strangers, you might wonder how you can become more skilled at discovering which type someone else is. By studying the descriptions in Personality TypesUnderstanding the Enneagram, and The Wisdom of the Enneagram, you will, in time, become more adept at typing people. As you do so, however, you might keep several points in mind.

You may be able to figure out the types of a few close friends rather quickly, or you may find it difficult to categorize people and not know where to begin. Either state is normal. It is not always apparent which type someone is, and it takes time and study to sharpen your skills. Remember that you are like a beginning medical student who is learning to diagnose a wide variety of conditions, some healthy and some unhealthy. It takes practice to learn to identify the various “symptoms” of each type and to see larger “syndromes.”

Despite the subtleties and complexities involved, there is really no secret about typing people. You must learn which traits go with each type and observe how people manifest those traits. This is a subtle undertaking because there are many subtypes and quirks to each personality type. Different types can sometimes seem similar, particularly if their motivations are not taken into account. This is why it is not sufficient to focus on a single trait in isolation and make a diagnosis based on it alone. It is necessary to see each type as a whole— its overall style, approach to life, and especially its underlying motivations—before you can determine someone’s type reliably. Many elements must come together before you can be sure that you have typed someone accurately.

Moreover, when we diagnose others, we are always on thinner ice than when we use the Enneagram to deepen our own self-knowledge. It is, of course, more appropriate to apply this material to ourselves than to type others while we avoid looking at our own lives. Nevertheless, it is unrealistic to think that anything as interesting (or as insightful) as the Enneagram will not be used for better understanding others. In fact, we categorize people all the time. No one approaches others without some sort of mental categories. We automatically perceive people either as male or female, black or white, attractive or unattractive, good or bad, friend or enemy, and so forth. It is not only honest to be aware of this, it is useful to have more accurate and appropriate categories for everyone, including ourselves.

Although the Enneagram is probably the most open-ended and dynamic of typologies, this does not imply that the Enneagram can say all there is to say about human beings. Individuals are understandable only up to a certain point beyond which they remain mysterious and unpredictable. Thus, while there can be no simple explanations for persons, it is still possible to say something true about them. In the last analysis, the Enneagram helps us to do that—and only that. The Enneagram is useful because it indicates with startling clarity certain constellations of meaning about something that is essentially beyond definition: the mystery that we are.


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