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Type Three

Posted on July 21, 2022July 21, 2022 by DrToni

Personality Style THREE: The Effective Person

Core Value Tendency: THREES are attracted to and value efficiency, industriousness, and competence. They want to be productive persons, seeking to make the world a more efficient place to live in. Bringing projects to completion, accomplishing goals, working effectively is what life is about. The cosmos is an orderly harmonious system and THREES work to keep it running smoothly.

Adaptive Cognitive Schema: Hope is the principle and attitude THREES have to keep them living in the real world. Hope believes the cosmos works effectively within and according to its own laws. It will continue to run smoothly even when THREES are not working. Entropy won’t occur the instant THREES take time off. The most effective way to function is in harmony with these natural, personal, and social norms and processes.

Adaptive Emotional Schema: The state that accompanies THREES objective paradigm is truthfulness, the acceptance and expression of their inner self as it actually is without covering, exaggerating, or marketing it with external images, roles, and personas. THREES remain true to themselves and their commitments vs assuming whatever appearance they believe will make them look successful in the eyes of others.

Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: THREES have a natural organizational ability, easily assessing a situation, setting goals, and working efficiently and single mindedly toward them. They know how to get things done. They are optimistic, enthusiastic, and self confident. THREES are motivated and motivating. Being good salespeople, they intuitively know how to present themselves and their product. They can translate ideas into workable saleable systems. They are good team people and effective managers. They are pragmatic and can compromise to get projects on line and accomplished. They have the ability to sense what others want and expect from them and can adapt to fit that image thereby winning people over to their side.

Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When THREES exaggerate their efficient qualities, they over-identify with the idealized self image of I am successful. To compensate for their maladaptive belief that they are failures and will be rejected, they become over-programmed, overly efficient, and can become workaholics.

Maladaptive Emotional Schema: Perceiving themselves as successful entrepreneurs, THREES believe they are above normal protocols and are not constrained by the laws and conventions that others live by. They deceive themselves and others into believing how successful they are. Their energy goes into their image, their public self, and the persona they think others want them to be. Over identifying with their roles and projects, they convince themselves this is who they really are.

Maladaptive Behavioral Schemas: Perceiving the world as disorganized, and presenting themselves as efficiency experts, THREES become workaholics, falling into Type A behavior, driven to succeed and climb the ladder of status and prestige. It’s hard for THREES to stay with their own feelings, desires, and preferences. It’s important to them to look good not to feel good. Work takes precedence over self. It’s conflictual for THREES to do something unpopular, to espouse values that get unfavorable audience response. They are pragmatists. The end justifies the means. If it works, it’s good.

What is Avoided: Since they strive to be successful, THREES avoid failure. They don’t undertake projects unless they sense they can complete them. Their motto is: In life there are no failures, only learning experiences.

Defensive Maneuvers: THREES avoid failure by identification with their successful image, role, and projects. They change appearances, careers, interests in a chameleon-like manner to keep up with whatever image is currently popular.

Childhood Development: THREES got approval for their achievements. Their worth derived from what they did instead of from who they were. Performance and image were rewarded in place of personal disclosure and emotional connections with others. Looking good, getting ahead, being successful were emphasized in their family. Being adaptable helped them survive. Assuming the role and persona others wanted them to be increased their recognition, status, and prestige.

Non-Resourceful State: When THREES are under stress, they do more of the same, that is, they become more efficient and organized, work more frenetically, take on more projects, are on the go more, shake more hands, and advertise themselves more. When this doesn’t work, they turn off their smooth running machine and stop. Doubting, numbing, neglecting themselves, avoiding responsibilities, and resigning themselves to failure, they go from exertion to exhaustion. They drop out and turn off. In this depressed state, their belief is their efforts don’t matter, so what’s the difference, why bother.

Resourceful State: When THREES are in a resourceful relaxed state, they get in touch with their inner feelings, preferences, and desires. They are honest and resist changing themselves to manipulate others. They show their true colors. They are loyal to themselves and to their values. They stay with what they believe in vs switching to what is popular. They are also loyal to others. They are trustworthy as well as competent. This combination makes them good leaders. They cooperate with others vs compete with them. They trust that others will get things done in their own way and in their own time. They embrace failure as a natural part of life. This loosens the hold of their image and helps them connect with their true self and with others. Now able to say to themselves I am loyal, I do what I ought to do, they believe they are acceptable as themselves. I am therefore I am active replaces I perform and produce therefore I am O.K.
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Type Two

Posted on July 21, 2022 by DrToni

Personality Style TWO: The Loving Person

Core Value Tendency: TWOS value and are attracted to love. They want to be generous persons, seeking to make the world a more loving place to live in. Harmonious intimate mutual relationships are what life is all about.

Adaptive Cognitive Schema: The proper understanding of freedom enables TWOS to live within the natural laws and limits of reality. Interdependence, which lies between the extremes of dependence/codependence and an exaggerated independence, is the mature stance of adults. Being free means TWOS can give or not give, receive or not receive.

Adaptive Emotional Schema: The state that accompanies TWOS’ objective paradigm is humility, the virtue which realistically estimates what kind and what amount of love another needs in contrast to giving whatever is believed will bring approval to the giver. Acting as a reality principle, humility acknowledges limits and sets boundaries, enabling TWOS to say no as well as yes.

Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: The actions that follow from an understanding that love involves an ebb and flow of giving and receiving along with the habit of humility include an exquisite empathic attunement not only to the needs of others but also to their own needs. TWOS have an intuitive sense for what others need and are feeling. They are naturally giving, generous, and helpful. They feel fulfilled being able to give to others and are supportive, nurturing, considerate, and appreciative. TWOS are sociable, friendly, and approachable. They naturally move toward people with love and affection. They praise others and build them up, giving compliments easily. TWOS are natural listeners and counselors. They also speak up for others, especially the underprivileged and handicapped.

Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When TWOS exaggerate their loving qualities, they over-identify with the idealized self image of I am loving; I am helpful. To compensate for their maladaptive belief that others will not meet their needs, they turn their attention toward meeting other people’s needs, hoping that what they do unto others will be done unto them. They believe it is only after meeting others’ needs that their own will be taken care of.

Maladaptive Emotional Schema: Perceiving themselves as helpers in a needy world, TWOS believe they have unlimited resources for serving others that never need replenishing. They are not needy, but they are needed. The resultant disposition is pride. TWOS are proud of their giving nature and seek to be important is people’s lives in order to feel worthwhile.

Maladaptive Behavioral Schema: Perceiving the world as needy, and feeling proud of their self sacrificing nature, TWOS become compulsive helpers, trying to please others to get them to like them and meet their needs. TWOS give strokes to get strokes, doing for others what they hope others will do for them. Habitually moving towards people, it’s hard for TWOS to move against people in anger or confrontation. It’s conflictual for them to give negative feedback because they don’t want to hurt others. It’s also difficult for TWOS to move away from people, leaving them alone to stand on their own two feet, or fall flat on their face. The TWOS’ task is to rescue.

What is Avoided: Because they strive to be loving, TWOS avoid their own needs. To think about themselves or to express their needs would be selfish. They are reluctant to heed their own agendas, feelings, and desires.

Defensive Maneuvers: TWOS avoid their needs by repressing them so that they are not even aware of them. Or they may be aware of them, but choose to suppress them since their job is to lighten other people’s burdens not encumber them with their own needs.

Childhood Development: TWOS got approval for helping and giving and not asking for much in return. They learned how to be sweet, funny, cute, and charming to get attention and win affection. They became the parent in the family to hold things together. They learned that being pleasing and altering themselves to meet others’ needs was a good way to survive and get their needs met. Directly expressing their own needs met with indifference, disapproval, or abandonment. TWOS came to believe that their own needs wouldn’t be met until they first met other people’s needs. They are very vulnerable to rejection and not being appreciated for what they do for others. You’re nobody unless somebody loves you and you’re somebody when you’re needed.

Non-Resourceful State: When TWOS are under stress, they do more of the same, that is, they become more helpful and travel around the “rescue triangle.” On this non-resourceful journey, they first assume the role of rescuer. When they don’t get the affirmation they need and believe they deserve, they feel victimized and play the martyr, reproaching others for not appreciating and caring enough for them. They then lose touch with their gentleness and compassion and become hard and tough to protect their self-esteem. They become bitter, jaded and distrustful of others and become a persecutor, making others feel guilty and desiring to get even with them.

Resourceful State: When TWOS are in a resourceful relaxed state, they get in touch with their own needs, wants, and feelings. They put their needs on the table and negotiate getting them met. They allow others to give to them freely without doing anything to earn their love. They can say “no” even though they feel guilty. They allow others to be more autonomous and don’t foster their dependence on them. They find other ways of expressing themselves besides giving, such as developing their creative, artistic, cultured self and capacities. Now able to say to themselves I am special, they believe they are lovable just because they are. I am therefore I am loving replaces I give in order to be accepted.

Type One

Posted on July 21, 2022July 21, 2022 by DrToni

Personality Style ONE: The Good Person

Core Value Tendency: ONES are attracted to and value goodness. They desire to be good persons, seeking to make the world a better place to live in. They want to realize all of their potential and help others actualize theirs. They want to be all that they can be and help others do the same. Doing your best and living up to your potential is what life is all about.

Adaptive Cognitive Schema: The objective vision that keeps ONES aligned with their true nature and with reality is the realization that becoming all that they can be, coming to completion, wholeness, and perfection is a continually unfolding process vs a sooner- rather – than – later finished product. As long as ONES are living in accordance with their true nature, allowing the process of organismic self-regulation to occur, they are perfect. They cannot be other than who they are at the moment.

Adaptive Emotional Schema: The state that accompanies ONES’ objective paradigm is serenity, a sense of inner wholeness and self-support. Those who are serene are at ease with themselves, are relaxed with others, and are in touch with the present moment. Serenity responds where personal intervention is required and acquiesces when letting go is appropriate.

Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: The actions that flow from an understanding of perfection as a process and a state of serenity involve a passion and habit for excellence and a desire to do things well. ONES have high principles, high moral standards, and high performance requirements. They are conscientious, dedicated, persevering, reliable, hard-working, and industrious. They have a highly developed and practiced intuition for when someone or something is doing what it is supposed to do. A being is good when it is fully itself and when it is fully doing what it is meant to do. ONES constantly compare a present reality to its ideal state. They know what is missing and what should be there. This makes them natural quality control experts.

Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When ONES exaggerate their good qualities, they over-identify with the idealized self-image of I am good; I am right. To compensate for a maladaptive belief that they are not good enough, and to keep themselves immune from criticism, they hold unrealistically high standards, trying to be perfect and do most things perfectly in order to be acceptable to others and to themselves. They habitually compare what is to what they think should be and reality falls short of their ideals and absolutes.

Maladaptive Emotional Schema: As a consequence of never living up to their idealizations, ONES experience the passion of anger and resentment since no one (especially themselves) ever comes up to their expectations. They are angry because nothing is as right as it ought to be. And they are resentful because they aren’t recognized or rewarded enough for their efforts nor are they accepted for who they are. Life isn’t fair.

Maladaptive Behavioral Schemas: Perennially perceiving the world as imperfect, and relentlessly feeling resentment about the shoddy state of affairs, ONES are driven to make things better. They tense their jaws, clench their teeth, bear down, and carry on. They interfere with the natural unfolding of life and events in an effort to make things perfect NOW. The better becomes the enemy of the good. It’s a challenge for ONES to leave things alone and just let them be.

What is Avoided: Because they are trying hard to be good, ONES avoid experiencing or expressing their anger. Good boys and good girls shouldn’t be angry. They are either unaware of their anger or are reluctant to express it directly. Since they want to be right, they avoid and protest being wrong. They don’t like to think of themselves as being lazy, irresponsible, sloppy, etc.

Defensive Maneuvers: ONES ward off unacceptable impulses and behaviors by doing the opposite of what they are tempted to do. This is called reaction formation. If they are tempted to take it easy, they work harder. If unwanted sexual desires arise, ONES become moralistic and Puritanical. If anger surfaces, they may rely on righteous indignation; that is, they have a right to be angry. Or they may sublimate their anger and wage the cosmic war against crud, crusading against injustice, inexactness, tardiness, sloppiness, etc.

Childhood Development: ONES were rewarded for being good and excelling and punished for being bad and performing poorly. They were often “hero” children who did everything right to help out their parents. They hoped their being good would hold the family together. They started out with the sense that everything, including themselves, was fine as it was. But then significant people came along and informed them that their spontaneous responses weren’t O.K. This was the beginning of their “judging mind.” As ONES began to do something spontaneously, the judgment arose: “Is this good enough? Am I doing this right?” Eventually shoulds and abstract idealizations replaced wants and personal values. ONES came to believe they would be somebody if their standards were higher than everyone else’s. And they were nobody or worth nothing if they weren’t perfect.

Non-Resourceful State: When ONES are under stress, they do more of the same, that is, they try harder, put out more effort, get more serious, and become more frustrated and resentful. When all their efforts still don’t get them affirmed or don’t satisfy their needs or fill their emptiness, they get discouraged, give up trying to fix things, point their criticisms toward themselves, pull the trigger, get depressed, and lapse into melancholy. In this non-resourceful state they feel misunderstood, victimized, taken advantage of. The world doesn’t appreciate or reward their efforts to make things better.

Resourceful State: When ONES are in a resourceful relaxed state, they take themselves and the situation less seriously. They lighten up instead of getting heavier. They get in touch with their spontaneous playful side. They notice what’s right and what’s there instead of what’s wrong or what’s missing. They operate from the adaptive belief that they are O.K., even though they’re not perfect. They trust that the universe is unfolding as it should. It’s O.K., too. Trust allows them to go with the flow and not push the river, since it’s flowing by itself. They do what they find pleasurable and desirable, what they want to do instead of what they should do. In a resourceful place, ONES are optimistic, accepting and present to whatever is. I am therefore I am good replaces I’m perfect therefore I’m acceptable.

Enneagram Childhood Wounds

Posted on July 21, 2022July 21, 2022 by DrToni

The Enneagram 1 Childhood Wound: Do Not Make Mistakes

The Enneagram 1 childhood wound develops with a judgmental and critical environment. The message type ones received and believe to be true is, it’s not okay to make mistakes.

Enneagram Ones often neglect to take care of themselves physically, leading to serious health problems later in life. Enneagram Ones can be overly critical and demanding of themselves and others, desiring to be as good as possible.

The striving for perfection manifests from the wounding message they heard as children that “making mistakes is never acceptable!” An Enneagram One will often struggle with statements like:

“It is never good enough.”
“Why does everyone else get to have fun?”
“I don’t deserve to be happy.”

Often the Enneagram One childhood wound is due to a child feeling disconnected from the protective figures in their lives. This message can develop in homes that are overly strict, lenient, critical, or lacking feedback.

As a result, Enneagram Ones become their own worst critic, taking their actions very seriously and always being responsible.

How To Heal The Enneagram 1 Childhood Wound

As an enneagram one, you must believe that you are good, regardless of your performance or ability to improve things around you—Settle into a graceful disposition toward yourself and others. Take time to write your thoughts, listen to music, or go for a walk to decompress.

The Enneagram 2 Childhood Wound: Your Needs Are Not Important

The Enneagram 2 childhood wound results from a lack of nurturing and guidance; to compensate, enneagram twos begin to prioritize the needs of others while repressing their own. These children often grew up with the need to feel needed by others.

The following traits of an Enneagram Two personality type develop from their childhood wound:

Love and service are conditional.
I am worthy because of what I do.
I must earn my acceptance.

As a child, enneagram twos put the needs of others before their own to earn love and affection. Twos over-prioritize the needs of others as a way to receive admiration. They often feel guilty if they do anything for themselves because it seems selfish or self-serving.

How To Heal The Enneagram 2 Childhood Wound

As an enneagram two, healing this childhood wound starts with believing that you are worthy of love just as you are. You do not have to earn the love of those around you, and you are deserving of it. Let others know when you need to take a break alone. Get active by doing something physical. Designate time and resources to treat yourself.

The Enneagram 3 Childhood Wound: Your Accomplishments Matter More Than You

The Enneagram 3 childhood wound develops from a sense that their value and worth are tightly connected to what they achieve, rather than for who they are. Along the way, type threes believe that accomplishing what pleases others can result in admiration and recognition.

Enneagram threes go through their life pleasing others without awareness, sensing that achievement is more important than honesty and transparency. As a result, they become great at adapting to what others want and are chameleon-like in their interactions with people.

Frequently, Enneagram Threes tend to hide aspects of their personality they consider negative or undesirable, such as:

Neediness
Anger
Selfishness
Honesty

Enneagram Threes rejected their core desires for a self that may be more palatable and relatable to those around them. Threes fear rejection and can become sensitive to critique, so they work hard to please everyone in their lives.

Enneagram Threes primarily focus on the opinions of others, disregarding their own because this was a source of pain growing up.

How To Heal The Enneagram 3 Childhood Wound

Enneagram Threes can heal from childhood wounds of rejection by becoming vulnerable with others. This practice of authenticity can open them up to owning all parts of their personality.

Threes must learn to take responsibility for what they feel and own it, regardless if others are receptive to it. Create a list of reasons why you want to become more vulnerable. Engage in a stimulating conversation with a friend or mentor. Use an emotion wheel to identify what you feel.

emotion and feeling wheel for trauma

The Enneagram 4 Childhood Wound: People Shouldn’t Notice You

The Enneagram 4 childhood wound results from receiving a message that too much or little emotion or interest in any one thing is a bad thing. As a result, Enneagram fours feel unseen and fear that others may never fully understand them. They have a deep sense that they are different from everyone, often wrestling with their identity.

Fours strive for authenticity and seek to express themselves as honestly as possible to cope with this misunderstanding. Fours will romanticize the idea of finding a person or peer group who truly knows and accept them for who they are.

An Enneagram Type Four personality type tends to have underlying:

Loneliness
Melancholy
Unhappiness
Sadness
Heartache
Otherness

Enneagram Fours struggles with relating to others, making long-lasting relationships challenging to develop. The good news is that fours can learn to embrace positive feedback and affirmation and feel fully alive and complete.

How To Heal The Enneagram 4 Childhood Wound

Enneagram Fours can begin to heal their childhood wound by accepting they are worthy of being their whole selves. Fours must practice receiving and internalizing positive feedback, disregarding negative, false information.

The Enneagram 5 Childhood Wound: Your Presence Is A Problem

The Enneagram 5 childhood wound develops from a sense that their presence or needs are a problem to others. Fives feel unsure about their place in social settings and the world.

Enneagram fives deal with this trauma by accumulating knowledge and seeking to be self-sufficient, therefore avoiding dependency or need from others.

During childhood, this type often experiences some level of abandonment from a parent or guardian. This isolation solidifies their belief that their needs are a problem to others, resulting in relational barriers with significant people.

The Enneagram Five personality type can exhibit their childhood wound to avoid expectations of others through the following traits:

Appearing aloof or distant
Avoiding intimacy and vulnerability with people
Needing time alone to re-energize
Burying themself in a niche or particular interest

How To Heal The Enneagram 5 Childhood Wound

As an enneagram five, healing the childhood wound begins by learning to trust others, understanding that your needs are not a problem. Begin to practice identifying your emotions. Spend time doing physical activity, a sport, or exercise to connect your mind with your body.

Take time to reach out to a close friend and engage in a meaningful conversation. Practice speaking up even when you feel like you don’t have enough information about the subject. Make an intentional effort to become curious and supportive of others’ interests.

The Enneagram 6 Childhood Wound: Never Be Too Sure Of Yourself

The Enneagram 6 childhood wound occurs from two extremes: 1)an overdependence upon the opinion and guidance from overly strict parental figures. Or 2) an unpredictable, inconsistent, or absent feedback loop. As a result, sixes begin to disregard their intuition, fearing making the wrong choice and hoping to gain further guidance from authorities.

Enneagram sixes tend to overthink and can spiral into mentally preparing for the worst case as a means to create a sense of security for themselves. To further solidify the safety they desire, they will seek a seemingly unending amount of support and guidance from others before settling on a decision.

Enneagram sixes are also known as, The Loyalist. Their dutiful attitude comes from a desire to create a safe and reliable context where they and others can feel secure.

Enneagram Sixes show the childhood wound through the following personality traits:

Living in extreme measures by the guiding principle that it’s better safe than sorry
Suspicion of others
Anxiety

An enneagram six must learn to identify ways to trust their intuition or thoughts rather than needing an overwhelming amount of extrinsic evidence to support their hunch. The security an enneagram six desires are obtainable and often closer than they think upon realizing they are capable and responsible enough to act courageously.

How To Heal The Enneagram 6 Childhood Wound

Enneagram Sixes can begin healing their childhood wound by focusing on:

Learning to trust themselves based on logic and existing evidence
Developing mindful practices to overcome stress or worry
Establishing healthy friendships in which accountability and honesty are present

This learning and unlearning will take practice and time. Prioritize taking seemingly small steps in the right direction toward courage. Begin to shift your mindset from “I must prepare because bad things will happen.” to “I have the inner resources and ability to navigate through challenging circumstances if bad things happen.”

The Enneagram 7 Childhood Wound: You Can Only Depend On Yourself

The Enneagram 7 childhood wound comes from a lack of nurture and care. As a result, this type came to believe it is best to solely rely on themself to meet their needs. Their pursuit of being happy can lead to the avoidance of painful issues at all costs. This wound can cause them to prioritize planning for future activities rather than confronting present circumstances.

Under stress, Enneagram Sevens will defend themself from complicated feelings by only focusing on potentially positive outcomes and scenarios. The problem is this avoidance of resolving issues only perpetuates the problems.

Enneagram Sevens can struggle to connect with others because they received a message not to depend on others somewhere along the way. This trait can make it challenging for others to engage with a seven beyond surface-level conversation and friendship because sevens prefer to avoid difficulty.

Enneagram Sevens exhibit traits of this childhood wound in the following ways:

Escapism from difficult circumstances
Distrust of others
Distractable and scattered in thought
Resentment toward others who challenge their ideas

As a child, an Enneagram Seven primarily relied on themself because support and dependability from others were lacking. This autonomy can lead to overly independent adults.

How To Heal The Enneagram 7 Childhood Wound

Enneagram Sevens can begin healing by trusting the following guidelines:

Mindfully receive love, care, and attention from others
Accept the idea is beneficial and rewarding to trust others
Receive help from others while in need
Recognize and admit when something hurts you

Enneagram sevens can learn to enjoy the present and depend on others by establishing meaningful relationships. Doing so can validate that others are trustworthy and that contentment is possible.

The Enneagram 8 Childhood Wound: Never Let Your Guard Down

The Enneagram 8 childhood wound develops out of an insecure relationship with parental figures, often their mother. This uncertainty forces the Enneagram Eight to focus on becoming the strong one in the relationship and compensate for the lack of positive guidance or leadership.

The world, to an eight, is an unjust place that will hurt you and must be met with aggression to protect oneself and others. As a child, an Enneagram Eight often “grows up fast” because they believe it is best to be in control and that being vulnerable will create space for others to hurt you.

The primary desire of an enneagram eight is to have protection from harm in many aspects. This desire can lead to combative behavior to safeguard their resources. This disposition can communicate to others that they only care about their own needs. Or, others can interpret the intensity of an enneagram eight as being angry, defensive, or controlling.

Enneagram Eights can exhibit traits of this childhood wound to protect themself or others in the following ways:

Anger
Avoidance of affection
Retreat from others into isolation
Attempt to control outcomes and decisions of others

Enneagram Eights struggle to stay in control and will busy themself with projects, other people’s problems, or work to maintain a sense of control. However, this flurry of activity is often a means of avoiding appearing weak or vulnerable.

How To Heal The Enneagram 8 Childhood Wound

The Enneagram Eights can heal from this childhood wound as they learn to practice compassion for themself. An eight should practice vulnerability with a small, trusted group of people.

For an eight, identifying a couple of places to ask for help can be a powerfully freeing thing to do, as they accept that trusting others is a worthwhile endeavor. Take time to write down the areas that you fear releasing control. Surrender the idea that you can handle it all.

For an enneagram eight, recognizing the need to be seen as strong at all times and their effort to hide any appearance of weakness is a significant first step on the path toward healing.

The Enneagram 9 Childhood Wound: Your Involvement Is Not Necessary

The Enneagram 9 childhood wound occurs because they experience neglect and a sense of being unnoticed by authority figures in their life. Although, as a child, a type nine feels deeply connected to their guardians, however, along the way, they begin to believe they can keep the peace by not being assertive.

Nines assume that it is best to reserve their involvement and, as a result, can become numb to their feelings and needs. What can appear as an easy-going, go-with-the-flow demeanor often comes from their belief that they do not matter. An enneagram nine will lower their expectation of themselves and others to avoid disappointment; if nothing is important to you, then nothing or no one can let you down.

Enneagram Nines can exhibit traits of this childhood wound to provide a sense of peace in the following ways:

Procrastination
Sleeping for long periods
Frequent changes concerning their interests and desires
Inability to make decisions

An enneagram nine can learn how meaningful their presence and opinion is to those around them and become more assertive.

How To Heal The Enneagram 9 Childhood Wound

With resilience and intentionality, there are many things an Enneagram Nine can do to heal their childhood wound. These include all the following:

Practice expressing their opinions with people they trust and admire
Adopt new mindsets concerning their value and worth
Establish accountability with a friend or mentor
Prioritize setting goals and create a structure to help achieve their desires

Enneagram Nines can develop into tremendous leaders because of their ability to create harmony and peace within their environments. They can find common ground between differing opinions.

A healthy enneagram nine believes and understands that peace should not come at the expense of their sense of worth. Enneagram nines can assume an active stance because their opinion matters, rather than letting life carelessly drift by.

In Summary: The Enneagram Childhood Wound Is Significant Yet Can Be Overcome

The enneagram childhood wound you relate to the most will depend on your type. Every person experiences a wounding message as a child. The fact is, we live in an imperfect world, with people who make mistakes.

Thankfully, there is hope for every person to experience healing from their childhood wounds. With intentionality, willingness, humility, relationship, and work, you and I can process past experiences and develop into healthier versions of ourselves.

If you need further help identifying your Enneagram type, check out the post: How to Find Your Enneagram With 4 Helpful Tips.

If you would like to find resources to explore your type in greater detail, check out some of our favorite resources HERE.

Enneagram Childhood Wound Sources:

psychologyjunkie.com

psychreel.com

correttawoodard.com

enneagramspectrum.com

Enneagram Subtypes

Posted on July 21, 2022July 21, 2022 by DrToni

Enneagram 1 Subtypes

Enneagram 1 Instinctual Variants:

Self-Preservation: Anxiety- The Pioneer

Self-Preservation type 1’s will often focus on ensuring that everything they do is perfect or as perfect as possible. They are the true perfectionists of this enneagram. Unfortunately, these people usually see themselves as being very flawed individuals and, as a result, will try to improve themselves.

These people are typically the most anxious and worried. They want to have things under control and foresee any potential risks or issues. This subtype likes being prepared, even down to the smallest of details. This type will also avoid showing their anger but will often feel very frustrated when disrupted.

Social: Inadaptability- The Social Reformer

These people are comfortable having a secure and solid social role and a clearly defined set of rules. They enjoy and emphasize doing things the “right way.” This trait can make it hard for them to adapt to new situations or find new ways to do something.

It can also cause them to criticize or resent anyone who may act or behave “incorrectly” or do things in the “wrong way.” These people see their role as helping others do things right or to be perfect.

One-to-One: Jealousy/Zealousness- The Evangelist

This type has rigorous self-control, leading to over-zealousness at times. They need to keep a partner’s attention so they won’t blame themselves. This subtype also enjoys having a clear set of rules and standards outlining correct behavior.

It is also common for this type to feel jealousy toward a partner or those who seem more self-expressive. This type will focus on making other people more perfect. This type shows more anger and zeal than the other type 1’s. There is more focus on perfecting others and making sure others are doing things correctly than on oneself.

Enneagram 2 Subtypes

Enneagram 2 Instinctual Variants:

Self-preservation: Privilege- The Nurturer

This subtype is excellent at creating personable and warm relationships with people. Much of their attention will go towards nurturing, supporting, and helping others. This aspect can sometimes make them feel entitled concerning their desires. Unfortunately, this can result in a prideful attitude or even false modesty.

Social: Ambition- The Ambassador

This type will often gain their self-esteem through visible accomplishments and social approval. This subtype will be in tune with and empathize with other people’s needs.

They will become an essential and indispensable part of organizations because of this. Rather than being the center of attention, these people find it most important to be allied with the right people.

One-to-One: Seduction/Aggression- The Lover

Type 2’s have a great capacity for being interpersonally attuned and making connections. This subtype uses those skills to win the approval of a select group of people in one-to-one relationships.

They can use body language and certain speaking tones that some may consider seductive, though not always in a sexual sense. In more aggressive styles of this subtype, this can also lead to them wanting more personal attention and recognition.

Enneagram 3 Subtypes

Enneagram 3 Instinctual Variants:

Self-preservation: Security- The Company Man/Woman

Type 3’s have a remarkable ability to work hard, maintain a good image, and perform well. They have high drive and energy to accomplish goals such as getting a lovely home and achieving financial security. This subtype will seek material success. However, this subtype can also struggle with becoming too involved with their role at work and potentially losing their true self.

Social: Prestige- The Politician

This subtype’s drive for success is usually involved with gaining social approval. They want to know the right people and gain power in social groups, whether in community groups, government, or even business.

This type can make themselves appear to be more of a leader than they are through image-making or forms of propaganda, or there can be genuine social leadership. They are focused on having the right image and knowing how to climb the social ladder. They are concerned about their appearance in the eyes of others.

One-to-One: Masculinity/Femininity- The Movie Star

This subtype also wants to create a successful image. They want an image that is appealing to others and focus on pleasing the people around them. They feel their charisma and personal power come from being an attractive man or woman. This subtype tends to stay in a sort of performer role, no matter whether it’s in personal relationships or on the stage.

Enneagram 4 Subtypes

Enneagram 4 Instinctual Variants:

Self-preservation: Dauntlessness- The Creative Individualist

These people struggle between wanting material security and feeling detached from it all. This type is courageous. They aren’t afraid to pack up and move, jump into a new situation, or even take risks. Their actions may seem reckless to others, but they work well with a more creative or artistic style.

Social: Shame/Honor- The Critical Commentator

This Enneagram subtype often feels a sense of deficiency in some social situations. They will often feel envious of those with status or who have an appearance of belonging. They will often feel like they need to find a resolution to the tension between social expectations and being their true self. This subtype needs to be able to have an acceptable social role.

One-to-One: Competitiveness- The Dramatic Person

Competition is a good thing for this subtype. It can help them overcome those feelings of inner deficiency and self-motivate towards personal goals and agendas. These types can recognize the strength or power of others and see it as unique competition. Their values will often rise or fall in comparison to others.

Enneagram 5 Subtypes

Enneagram 5 Instinctual Variants:

Self-preservation: Home– The Castle Defender

This type sees their home as their castle, a place to feel safe and hide from the world. This type will go to great lengths to defend their “castle” and is concerned with having enough supplies.

They are good at establishing boundaries with other people and know when they need to be alone. They like to minimize their needs, find refuge or a safe place, and then have supplies and everything they need within that refuge.

Social: Totem/Symbols- The Professor

This Enneagram subtype is hungry for knowledge, and they often become experts in the specific areas or topics of interest to them. They enjoy gaining knowledge and connecting with others who have similar intellectual interests.

They often connect more easily with others through areas of expertise. They emphasize analysis and interpretation, which can stop them from participating with others.

One-to-One: Confidentiality- The Secret Agent

This subtype often shares their deepest thoughts and feelings from within themselves with others in one-to-one relationships. They have a secretive quality and are often perceived as being extremely reserved.

They will often experience conflict between needing to connect with others while also maintaining autonomy. They are usually more in touch with their emotions but won’t show it much on the outside.

Enneagram 6 Subtypes

Enneagram 6 Instinctual Variants:

Self-preservation: Warmth- The Family Loyalist

This subtype is often more fearful than others. They will usually overcome this fear by making connections or agreements with other people. This is done through personal warmth as this type does not want to be left alone.

If this type experiences a lack of warmth or even a threat to their security early on in their life, this can create a fear within them that keeps them from taking risks and making them feel the need to stay within familiar boundaries they know well. They enjoy having a sense of certainty and safety, though they often think it is difficult to find.

Social: Duty- The Social Guardian

This Enneagram subtype needs to understand their role in society or within a group. They need to know the rules and have clear agreements with others. They often feel unsure about whether or not they belong. They think it is their calling and burden to do their duty. These people are logical and rational and find safety in following the guidelines of a system.

One-to-One: Strength or Beauty- The Warrior

There are two ways this Enneagram subtype overcomes or avoids fear. The first is through willpower, physical strength, and bravery. It could also be through the power of a person’s intellect. The other way they handle self-doubt and fear is by using one’s perceptiveness and idealism to create beauty in their environment. Doing this helps the person to have a sense of stability and control.

Enneagram 7 Subtypes

Enneagram 7 Instinctual Variants:

Self-preservation: Family- The Gourmand

This Enneagram subtype has a life full of family and friends. They are usually talkative and amiable people. They enjoy sharing good conversations and ideas with others and planning projects or cooperative efforts. They are good at seeing opportunities when they come and know how to get what they want through planning or working with others.

Social: Limitation/Sacrifice- The Utopian Visionary

This type struggles between needing friends and projects to express social idealism and a love of life. They will often work towards the greater good of a group or society even though it takes sacrifice and working with others.

They are good at seeing opportunities but don’t want to be perceived as self-interested, so they will often sacrifice their desires to be helpful to others.

One-to-One: Suggestibility/Fascination- The Adventurer

This type is considered the “idealistic dreamer” and often needs to imagine something better than the world around them. They love new ideas, adventures, and people. These people are often very enthusiastic and optimistic. They usually see things as they could be instead of how they truly are. They also have great power of suggestion.

Enneagram 8 Subtypes

Enneagram 8 Instinctual Variants:

Self-preservation: Satisfactory Survival- The Survivalist

This Enneagram subtype uses their aggressiveness in physical survival and material security. They are highly protective of their family and friends and will often create their territory to take care of themselves and those they love. They are usually good with business and getting things done. This type will either win or die trying.

Social: Friendship/Social Causes- The Group Leader/Gang Leader

This subtype focuses on protecting, supporting, and guiding anyone they are connected to or see as needing support. They can often be assertive and rebellious but will be more gentle when taking care of others.

They are often found in a leadership role of a group and will work towards the good of that group. Their loyalty to friends and social causes are more important than their personal feelings or needs.

One-to-One: Possession/Surrender- The Commander

This type wants control over their partners or significant others. They will often use forcefulness and self-assertion to accomplish this. They can sometimes be unable to adapt. They tend to be rebellious and enjoy being the center of things. They enjoy having power over others and tend to be more provocative and passionate.

Enneagram 9 Subtypes

Enneagram 9 Instinctual Variants:

Self-preservation: Appetite- The Collector

This subtype is excellent at creating a sensible infrastructure and patterns in life. They like familiar routines as well. Material abundance and comfort are important to them but often overshadow their personal growth. They often become blind to individual needs and fill these with material consumption, often making them collectors.

Social: Participation- The Community Benefactor

These people work hard to support their groups and do this to find belonging and comfort. They like to feel as though they are a part of things. They are fun, light-hearted people who work hard to do what it takes to be accepted by a group or community.

They also blend in well with their friends and social groups. They often make great leaders, are very selfless, and forget about personal priorities when taking care of groups first.

One-to-One: Union- The Seeker

This subtype has trouble keeping personal boundaries and focusing on themselves. They are seeking to be with a partner and, as a result, can often easily be pulled outside of themselves.

They will often align their desires and attitudes with other important people in their lives. They tend to be sweet, gentle, and less assertive people. They will often take on the opinions and feelings of others without realizing it.

Enneagram Subtypes/Instincts

Posted on July 21, 2022August 5, 2022 by DrToni

There are nine different Enneagram personality types and three subtypes for each, giving us 27 Enneagram Subtypes. Each subtype has a particular theme.

The chart explains the name of each instinctual variant and a word that emphasizes their biggest priority or attribute. Here is a chart to help organize the Enneagram Subtypes visually:

Enneagram Type	Self-Preservation Instinct	Social Instinct	One-to-One Instinct
Type 1: The Perfectionist	Anxiety- The Pioneer	Inadaptability- The Social Reformer	Jealousy/Zealousness- The Evangelist
Type 2: The Giver	Privilege- The Nurturer	Ambition- The Ambassador	Seduction/Aggression- The Lover
Type 3: The Performer	Security- The Company Man/Woman	Prestige- The Politician	Masculinity/Femininity- The Movie Star
Type 4: The Romantic	Dauntlessness- The Creative Individualist	Shame/Honor- The Critical Commentator	Competitiveness- The Dramatic Person
Type 5: The Observer	Home- The Castle Defender	Totem/Symbols- The Professor	Confidentiality- The Secret Agent
Type 6: The Loyal Skeptic	Warmth- The Family Loyalist	Duty- The Social Guardian	Strength or Beauty- The Warrior
Type 7: The Epicure	Family- The Gourmand	Limitation/Sacrifice- The Utopian Visionary	Suggestibility/Fascination- The Adventurer
Type 8: The Protector	Satisfactory Survival- The Survivalist	Friendship/ Social Causes- The Group Leader or Gang Leader	Possession/Surrender- The Commander
Type 9: The Mediator	Appetite- The Collector	Participation- The Community Benefactor	Union- The Seeker

Enneagram: The Body or Instinctive center, the Heart center and the Head center

Posted on July 20, 2022July 20, 2022 by DrToni

Each of these centers has three Enneagram types and a predominant theme.

Reflect on this and determine which of these centers resonates with you the most. Which of the three Enneagram centers feels like home to you? Use that as your starting point in navigating the Enneagram and landing on your Enneagram type.

The Body or Instinctive Center

In the instinctive center, the three types are predominantly focused on creating a sense of autonomy and respect. This shows up differently in each of the three types in this center.

For example, the Type 8, the Challenger, the autonomy has a flavor of “don’t mess with me”. It’s important for this type to feel a sense of control and as result, they can be seen as controlling and challenging. If they allow themselves to feel more vulnerable and open their hearts this brings on the highest aspect of Type 2, their point of growth, and they begin to lead from a place of strength and heart.

For Type 9, the Peacemaker, the autonomy is related to an unconscious desire to maintain all sense of connection. The way this shows up in the personality of these individuals is their tendency to be very accommodating while suppressing their own wants and desires. They tend to be complacent. As they become more grounded in their own desires they bring on the highest aspect of Type 3, their point of growth; courage, authenticity, and inspiration. They begin to speak their wants and desires and pursue them without fear of losing the connection to the other or to the world.

Type 1, the Perfectionist, is very principled, rational, and disciplined commanding respect. Underlying this personality pattern is an unconscious belief that somehow, they’re not good. They create a life in which they’re seen as perfect or good. This can be challenging for those around them because nothing is ever quite good enough. As they become more aware of these patterns and more present with their reactions they see that there’s more to life than being right. They bring on the higher aspects of Type 7, the Enthusiast, which brings an appreciation for joy and freedom.

The Heart Center

In the Heart center, the predominant focus is how to be seen. Individuals in this center unconsciously are focused on the image that they project into the world. For Type 2, the Helper, there’s a deep unconscious desire to feel loved and lovable which drives the behavior of the type. These individuals tend to be very sweet, loving, nurturing, and kind. As their personality begins to lessen its hold, with consciousness and presence, they’re able to bring on the higher aspect of Type 4, their point of growth, which brings an appreciation of beauty and creative expression.

For Type 3, Achiever, They must be seen as successful and competent. Underlying the personality’s drive for success is an unconscious belief that they have no value therefore they must have their value reflected back to them from the outside. They are typically very driven and successful, often a shining star. As they become more aware of these patterns and are able to let them go they’re able to move to their point of growth which is Type 6. At their best Type 6s are tremendous consensus builders and contribute significantly to the community without having to be the shining star.

Type 4, the Individualist, must be seen as being special and unique due to an underlying sense of an inherent disconnect from a sense of identity. They unconsciously create an identity of being special or unique so that they can feel a sense of individuality. Again, this is unconscious as with all types. As that personality pattern loosens its hold when the individual becomes more conscious and aware of what’s happening with them, they move towards a higher aspect of Type 1 and have a sense of purpose and provide service to the world.

The Head Center

The Enneagram types of the head center also called the thinking center, all seek support and guidance as their predominant motivation. Underlying this motivation is anxiety and fear. It shows up differently for the three different types in the center. For the Type 5, Investigator, the fear is related more to a sense of feeling incapable of being in the world. As a result, this type holds back from fully engaging in the world and in their relationships. As they become more aware of this fear and are able to let it go they step into the world more fully and bring on higher aspects of Type 8, their point of growth. They become more confident in their many inherent gifts and their inherent strength.

For Type 6, the Loyalist, anxiety results from not feeling supported or guided. As a result, the personality tries to create support by having everything figured out and planning for every worst-case scenario. As Type 6 is able to trust that they are guided and supported they become less fearful and bring on the higher aspects of Type 9, their point of growth, as they become more grounded in their being.

Type 7, the Enthusiast, has an unconscious fear of losing a sense of joy and freedom. They craft a life around freedom from pain and suffering. This may look like they are the life of the party to others, however, they’re actually dealing with the anxiety of not wanting to live with discomfort. As they become less attached to their personality they move towards the higher aspect of Type 5 which brings clarity and quiet to their mind.

About the author

Dr. Cathering Hayes
Dr. Catherine Hayes is a dual-Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, a Certified Riso-Hudson Enneagram Teacher, an International Enneagram Association (IEA) Certified Professional and Accredited Teacher, and a member of the Forbes Coaches Council, a speaker, and a highly regarded influencer in the leadership field. She holds a DMD from Tufts University and Masters’s and Doctoral degree in Epidemiology from Harvard University. She coaches leaders to uncover the truth of who they are so they can live and lead from their highest potential. She is the author of the bestselling book, Everything is Going to Be Okay! From the Projects to Harvard to Freedom

Tpe 6 in Movies & TV

Posted on July 20, 2022July 20, 2022 by DrToni

TV Characters & the Enneagram

Posted on July 19, 2022 by DrToni

Your 2020 Fictional Character Based on Your Enneagram

DECEMBER 11, 2020

Hannah, Haunting of Bly Manor

Hannah is an MVP of the series and in the lives of those living at Bly Manor, just like a type one. She is careful, calculating, and thoughtful, and she makes sure everyone around her gets what they need to succeed. Ones are always looking out for the people around them, just like Hannah. Let’s pour one out for her, shall we?

Emily, Emily in Paris

One of the best things about Emily Cooper is her sheer winningness; even her starchy French coworkers are inevitably drawn in by her charm and openness. Just like Emily, twos are outgoing and demonstrative—striving to make others feel uplifted and encouraged while also getting sh*t done. And as anyone who can pull off not one but three different bucket hats knows, you’re stylish, trendy, and never boring. You’re not afraid of a little “ringarde” energy, and we love you all the more for it.

Devi, Never Have I Ever

If there’s one thing Devi knows how to do, it’s set her sights on a prize and go for it with all her heart. And in the end, she winds up with not one, but TWO amazing guys vying for her attention? A successful outcome if there ever was one. Like Devi, threes are driven and success-oriented, positioning themselves unerringly toward their goals and obliterating every obstacle in their path. You’re not afraid of a little competition (admit it, the Ben versus Devi scenes had your heart racing a bit), and you thrive on that ambition. Go forth and set the world on fire—we know Devi will!

Lily, Dash & Lily

Lily emits type four vibes from the very first episode of this show until the absolute very end. I mean, she started a relationship based on liking similar books—what could be more four than that? Lily, like fours, is witty and romantic and inquisitive to boot. And she never, ever changes herself for someone—something we can all appreciate in a teen show. Plus, who else could pull off a light-up Christmas tree sweater flawlessly?

Beth, The Queen’s Gambit

Intensity thy name is Beth. Watching The Queen’s Gambit is absolutely thrilling (I know, I never thought I’d say it about chess of all things but here we are), and it’s all down to the incredible way Beth’s mind works. Watching her solve complex puzzles in her head while facing down hoards of sexist men? An absolute treat, especially for a fellow intensely smart individual like a type five. Like Beth, they’re perceptive and incredibly intuitive, planning and tracking your future moves with a deft hand. Whatever you’ve put your mind to lately, you’ve got this.

Greg, Succession

Type sixes, I have given you the utter treat of being compared to the likes of one of 2020’s best characters (season three, I’m waiting for you): Cousin Greg. Greg is… how can I describe Greg? He’s loyal to his family, even those he doesn’t know very well, and but when he sees something wrong going on, he does what he can to stop it. He’s hilarious and smart, and it’s all wrapped up in a truly lovable package. He is also tall. Very, very tall. Which may or may not be a six quality, but it felt important to mention.

Chris, To All the Boys 2: P.S. I Still Love You

Hello, yes, To All the Boys 2 did release in 2020, even though we have all forgotten all sense of time, and Chris is still at the top of the list of most iconic characters from the year. Not only is she a loving and lively friend to have, she’s the exact kind of person we all wanted in our lives this year: someone who lifts our spirits. And sevens do exactly that any time they’re around!

Hayley Fitzgerald, The Undoing

If 2020 showed us anything, it’s the need for ruthless people who say what needs to be said, and eights have that covered pretty well. Without even trying, Hayley was the star of the show the last couple of episodes of HBO Max’s newest hit drama, The Undoing. She spoke with conviction and confidence through everything, but when she needed to be soft and vulnerable, she let her walls down. Eights have the same strengths, but they don’t need me to tell them that 😉

Judy, Dead to Me

We could all use a friend like Judy in our lives, and I’d say the same about nines. Judy does everything she can to make the people around her happy—it’s how she shows them love. And through her many mistakes and any downfalls she experiences, she’s still the sweetest, most compassionate, and caring person—just like you nines!

Songs for each enneagram type

Posted on July 19, 2022July 19, 2022 by DrToni

There are several songs that are emblematic of each enneagram type. They are amusing to hear, and I often use type-based music in enneagram trainings to give people a different sense of each type. Here are the ones I use most often, including some key lyrics. When played with the melody, they are even more illuminating than the words alone.One | Maybe You’re Right (Cat Stevens)
Now maybe you’re right and maybe you’re wrong
But I ain’t gonna argue with you no more
I’ve done it for too long.Two | Getting to Know You (Julie Andrews)
Getting to know you
Getting to know all about you
Getting to like you
Getting to hope you like me

Three | Nobody Does It Better (Carly Simon)
Nobody does it better
Makes me feel sad for the rest
Nobody does it half as good as you
Baby, you’re the best

Four | Yesterday (The Beatles)
Oh yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh I believe in yesterday

Five | You Don’t Know Me (Ray Charles)
You give your hand to me
And then you say hello
And I can hardly speak
My heart is beating so
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well
But you don’t know me (no you don’t know me)

Six | Maybe I’m Doing It Wrong (Randy Newman)
Maybe I’m doing it wrong
Maybe I’m doing it wrong
It just don’t move me
The way that it should
Maybe I’m doing it wrong

Seven | Don’t Worry, Be Happy (Bobby McFerrin)
Here’s a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don’t worry, be happy
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don’t worry, be happy
Don’t worry, be happy now

Eight | Steamroller (James Taylor)
Well, I’m a steamroller, baby
I’m bound to roll all over you
Yes, I’m a steamroller, baby
I’m bound to roll all over you

Nine | Sitting by the Dock of the Bay (Otis Redding)
Sittin’ in the mornin’ sun
I’ll be sittin’ when the evenin’ come
Watching the ships roll in
And then I watch ’em roll away again, yeah
I’m sittin’ on the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away
Ooo, I’m just sittin’ on the dock of the bay
Wastin’ time

Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhD, the author of six best-selling Enneagram-business books, is a speaker, consultant, trainer, and coach. She provides certification programs for professionals around the world who want to bring the Enneagram into organizations with high-impact business applications, and is past-president of the International Enneagram Association. Visit her website: TheEnneagramInBusiness.com. ginger@theenneagraminbusiness.com