Beatrice Chestnut:
Blog
Signs you May Be an Enneagram 4
The Enneagram 4 is the most individualistic of the nine Enneagram types, and because of this, the Type 4 places a lot of emphasis on identity. But aside from their desire to stay unique, there are plenty of other signs you could be an Enneagram 4—even if you haven’t taken the official test yet!
Whether you’re familiar with the Enneagram system or new to personality type theory, these tell-tale signs you’re an Enneagram 4 will resonate with those uncertain about where they fit in the Enneagram personality theory.
1. You place a lot of importance on your unique talents
The Enneagram 4 is all about being unique, so carving out a place for themselves in the world is of the utmost importance to them. If you feel focused on what makes you unique above all other things about you, you may be an Enneagram 4.
2. Enneagram 4s feel existentially different from others
As a result of feeling different from others, the Enneagram Type 4 emphasizes creating a unique persona and standing out from the crowd. They fear they’re somewhat flawed and lack what it takes to experience happiness as others do. By amplifying their differences and unique traits, Type 4s hope to feel more appreciated and loved.
3. You connect with art and nature
Although many personality types find art and nature appealing, Enneagram 4s are moved by works of art and the great outdoors. Type 4s are notorious champions of poetry, art, literature, and philosophies that put humanity and nature in close company.
4. Your feelings rule you
Although an Enneagram 4 may be logical when needed, often, their feelings lead to their actions and decisions. In fact, others accuse them of being moody. Like how the 16-type system’s Feelers behave, a Type 4 will go with their heart over their head in most cases.
5. You’re ultra-sensitive
If your feelings rule your decisions, it’s an easy assumption to say you may also be a highly sensitive person (HSP). HSPs make up about 30 thirty of the population and are sensitive to emotions, stimuli, light, and sound and are overwhelmed by the world around them. Even if a Type 4 isn’t an HSP, a high level of sensitivity is paramount to their personality. You’re also very self-critical.
6. Notions of ‘normalcy’ turn you off
If being called normal makes you cringe, you’re probably an Enneagram 4! Type 4s pride themselves on their unique, quirky traits, and they feel gutted if someone accuses them of being ordinary.
7. You’re okay being vulnerable and authentic
One of the key traits of the Enneagram 4 is a love of authenticity and creating their truth. Because of this, type fours disdain people who are inauthentic and fake and strive to be the most vulnerable, truthful person they can be. On a side note, that doesn’t mean that an Enneagram 4 will allow themselves to expose vulnerable emotions on the regular. It just means they prefer to be as truthful and honest as possible.
8. You prefer deep conversations and emotions
In line with Type 4’s love of authenticity, these Enneagram personalities prefer to get down to the nitty-gritty of topics and skip the small talk. Small talk and what they deem “fake” conversations make them uncomfortable. Type 4s prefer to dig deep into how people feel and get to the truth of the matters, no matter how painful.
9. You’re okay with mood swings and melancholy
Mood swings and melancholy feelings are nothing new for Enneagram 4s. Because they strive to connect with their inner emotions, they see the beauty in sadness and other “negative” emotions that different types try hard to avoid. Instead of avoidance, a Type 4 will place these raw emotions into their art or works or inspiration.
10. You’re uncomfortable in social settings
The Enneagram 4 is uncomfortable in social settings because they feel misunderstood or lonesome. While their friends or acquaintances are talking, Type 4s often go into their heads, disappearing from all cognizant conversation, trying to grapple with why they feel so out of place. This emotion stems back to their fear of being flawed, as though everyone around them is content, while they will never reach this level of contentment.
11. You’re creative
Creativity is like a specific food group to an Enneagram 4. This personality type strives to nurture and expand their creative faculties however feasible, and they won’t stop at anything to make sure their unique skills stand out from the crowd. Because Enneagram 4s are all about staying unique, they often groom their talents and abilities until they are, indeed, an asset to their personal and professional lives.
14. You romanticize relationships and life events
If you’re a Type 4, you’re a romantic person who compares your life to books and films. This isn’t to say you’re illogical or unrealistic – that’s the opposite. Enneagram Type 4s are romantic because they expect and hope for a fairytale partnership and effortless friendships. They realize their dreams are not achievable. While they see their expectations are too high, this often makes them feel disillusioned with the realities of life.
15. You feel like you’re missing the key ingredient for happiness
Despite how content an Enneagram 4 becomes, they still feel “empty,” as though they lack a significant piece of themselves that would lead them to happiness. This feeling leaves the Enneagram Type 4 motivated to express their individuality to be accepted.
16. Withdrawing from others is commonplace
If you’re moody and prone to withdrawal, you may be an Enneagram 4. These types will often hole themselves up to discover their feelings and hash them out in private through art, writing, or other forms of expression. For example, if a Type 4 feels best when sewing or designing, they’ll abandon all social expectations and devote themselves to those tasks for a few days without offering explanations. The Type 4 will also withdraw from others when under a lot of stress.
17. You’re self-aware
Although other Enneagram types are also self-aware, the Type 4 is one of the most self-examining. They spend hours, days, and weeks dissecting actions and behaviors to understand themselves better. Because of their devotion to these habits and their general talent for insightfulness, Enneagram 4s are attuned to their emotions, motivations, and crutches — and will explain it to their loved ones if they feel the need to divulge their past actions.
18. You get jealous or envious when you’re unhappy
A sad reality is that of an Enneagram 4: they will feel unhappy until they learn to make their own happiness. Type 4s feel unable to achieve satisfaction on their own, so they seek and search through their unique traits and talents. Whether a 4’s skills bring them joy will vary from person to person, but a healthy Type 4 will no longer be jealous or envious of others.
In the meantime, a key trait for average or unhealthy Type 4s is to feel envious of others whom they deem as “happy” or “fulfilled” because they feel they’re always searching for that happiness and fulfillment.
19. You’re compassionate and caring
People accuse Individualists of being self-centered, thanks to their concern for their “uniqueness” and “happiness.” However, the Type 4 is one of the most genuine types of the Enneagram, who understand and empathize with a whole spectrum of emotions. Because of their understanding, they can be the most caring personality type to add to a friend list.
20. You’re often lost in your head
When Type 4s seem withdrawn and aloof, they’re lost in their thoughts. These emotionally-charged types are not strangers to disappearing into their heads, content to explore the creative and subconscious possibilities of art, human understanding, and more. Because Enneagram 4s aren’t afraid of losing themselves inside their minds, others might assume they’re spacey or ditzy because they fade in and out of conversations in favor of their inner world.
The takeaway
You may be an Enneagram Type 4 if you identify with several of the Type 4 traits above. As unique individuals, Enneagram 4s emphasize staying authentic, avoiding “false” narratives, and being self-aware. Emotional and okay with being vulnerable (sometimes), Type 4s don’t mind showcasing their weaknesses and honoring their strengths in art and other creative outlets. If this sounds like you, you might be an Enneagram Type 4. But since many personality types may experience an overlap of particular characteristics, you may want to make sure you’re a specific type by taking the free Enneagram test if you haven’t done so already.
Type Nine
Personality Style NINE: The Peaceful Person
Core Value Tendency: NINES are attracted to and value peace, harmony, and unity. They desire to make the world an ecumenical, harmonious, conflict-free place to live in. They like being peaceful, calm, and ordered and prefer to go with the flow. The universe is unfolding as it should and they see no need to push the river since it’s flowing fine by itself. Being at one with yourself and your surroundings is what life is all about.
Adaptive Cognitive Schema: The objective vision that keeps NINES aligned with their true nature and with reality is the realization of their unity with the universe and their functioning according to the same laws that govern everyone else. This gives them their sense of peace, harmony, integration, and oneness with all reality. They further believe that the laws of the universe are warm and loving (vs cold and indifferent) since they have given birth to organic, living, warm creatures. Teleology is built right into the laws of the cosmos. There is a value and meaning, a purpose and direction that is manifest in all that is.
Adaptive Emotional Schema: The state that accompanies the NINES’ objective paradigm is action, love wishing to pass itself on. Action flows naturally from a sense of gratitude for being loved, from the recognition that one is capable of loving, and from the desire to do something in return. Action arises when individuals want to actualize and transcend themselves by connecting with other people and with the Source of the universe.
Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: Behavior that flows from a realization of being loved and loving, responding gratefully, and appreciating harmony, includes the abilities to reconcile opposites, find agreement, be diplomatic and allowing, and have an intuitive sense for when things fit together. NINES are easy going, calm, reassuring, non-pretentious, and relaxedly focused.
Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When NINES exaggerate their peaceful qualities, they over-identify with the idealized self image of I am settled. To compensate for a maladaptive belief that they are not important enough to be cared about or don’t matter enough to be listened to, and to keep themselves from feeling neglected, NINES develop an attitude of resignation: “What’s the big deal? Why get upset? Nothing is that important. We’re not around that long anyway. Whatever we do will be undone eventually so why exert so much effort?” NINES settle in for the duration and go on automatic pilot. They neglect what is most important to them and fidget with distractions.
Maladaptive Emotional Schema: Along with the disposition to neglect what is essential, NINES experience the passion of indolence. They turn down their energy, settle into a comfortable routine, procrastinate, diffuse their attention, and don’t take care of business.
Maladaptive Behavioral Schema: Perceiving the world as neglectful and indifferent, and feeling indolent about what matters most to them, NINES merge with the identities and agendas of others and forget about their own goals and desires. They lose themselves in the opinions, feelings, and aims of others. What others are thinking and pursuing become more compelling than what they want. Postponing decisions and actions, NINES let their life take its course or let life happen to them. They become inattentive and fall asleep to their deepest desires.
What is Avoided: Because they are trying to be settled, NINES avoid any kind of conflict. They don’t allow themselves to get too enthusiastic about anything important. They avoid differences and highlight sameness and agreement. It’s difficult enough for NINES to locate their own ideas, feelings, and ambitions, let alone to assert them and act on them. NINES avoid focusing, discriminating, and prioritizing. If everything is the same, it’s difficult to make a decision. At the same time any decision they make has equal merit or weight.
Defensive Maneuvers: NINES ward off conflictual impulses and situations by numbing themselves and those around them. This is called narcoticization. When NINES say it doesn’t matter, they are also implying they don’t matter and you don’t matter. One way to avoid disappointment is to lower or eliminate your expectations. Nothing can hurt you if you don’t let anything matter or get to you.
Childhood Development: NINES were the non-noticed children. They sensed their caretakers didn’t pay enough attention to them, had other more important things to do, or, perhaps, didn’t love them or care about them. Just as their caretakers neglected them, so NINES learned to neglect themselves. Instead of expressing themselves, they distracted themselves. Instead of feeling the pain of not being sufficiently cared for, they resigned themselves for the duration, numbed out, learned to not let things get to them, and assumed a laissez – faire attitude. NINES were the not noticed children.
Non-Resourceful State: When NINES are under stress, they become more resigned, more shut down, more asleep, and avoid their issues even more. They put off doing what needs to be done, engage themselves with inconsequential activities, daydream or sleep more. If that doesn’t work, they may become obsessive and compulsive about the work they’re doing. They may become overly responsible, dutiful, scrupulous, fearful, ruminative, and worrying. They doubt themselves and seek the affirmation of some outside authority.
Resourceful State: When NINES are in a resourceful relaxed state, they focus and differentiate instead of distracting themselves or merging and becoming confluent. They stay awake and are aware. They are prompt and act decisively. They don’t put off until tomorrow what they can do today. They express their own opinion, feeling, preference. They believe they are loved and cared for and start caring for themselves. They think of themselves as being successful, professional, efficient, and competent. They believe they do matter and their actions in the world make a difference. Unblocking their feelings, they let their own energy flow into action instead of living off of others’ energy. They assume an active stance, allowing their love to pass itself on through action. I am therefore I matter replaces I don’t matter, so what’s the big deal?
Type Eight
Personality Style EIGHT: The Powerful Person
Core Value Tendency: EIGHTS are attracted to and appreciate power. They desire to be strong, independent, straightforward, assertive persons, who use their strength and influence to make the world a more just place to live in. They value equity, the equal distribution of power, and show a concern for the underprivileged and disenfranchised. Being your own person, doing your own thing, protecting your own is what life is all about.
Adaptive Cognitive Schema: The objective principle that keeps EIGHTS aligned with their real self and with reality is the realization that the laws of the universe are inherently just and that what goes around, comes around. Justice means EIGHTS don’t have to enforce or vindicate the laws of the universe. Justice will out and the universe will ultimately be fair. “Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord” vs saith the EIGHT.
Adaptive Emotional Schema: Innocence is the attitude that flows from the EIGHTS’ objective paradigm and keeps EIGHTS connected to their better self, to others, and to reality. Innocence is the disposition of not harming, expressed by the attitude of why would you want to harm anyone and why would anyone want to harm you. Innocence experiences each moment freshly, approaching life and expressing love as a childlike response to the current situation without cynical judgments or jaded expectations.
Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: Forceful actions that follow from a proper understanding of justice and from an attitude of innocence are tempered by a compassionate concern for oneself and others. EIGHTS can tell the truth, tell it like it is, in a way that is challenging and up-building while not being punitive or tearing down. They are self confident, self-assured, magnanimous, good leaders, energized by a challenge and appreciating a good contest. EIGHTS can move against others to get what they need and to protect their territory. They can take charge, act on their own, and get things done. They enjoy exerting energy, protecting the weak, and empowering the disenfranchised.
Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When EIGHTS exaggerate their powerful qualities, they over-identify with the idealized self image of I am powerful; I can do. To compensate for the maladaptive beliefs that they are going to be neglected, not listened to, and not have their needs met, and that they are going to be affronted and taken advantage of, they become overly offensive. On the lookout for challenges and injustices, they survive by being strong, tough, and fierce.
Maladaptive Emotional Schema: As a consequence of perceiving the world as hard, hostile, and uncaring, EIGHTS experience the passion of lust. For fear they are not going to get what is their due, they grab as much as they can. You only go around once in life, so live it with all the gusto you can. EIGHTS do everything with intensity. They work hard, play hard, love hard, etc.
Maladaptive Behavioral Schema: Perceiving the world as hostile, and feeling lustful and intense much of the time, EIGHTS develop a forceful, grabbing, take charge attitude toward the world. They use their power to protect and aggrandize themselves vs building up their community. Going beyond assertion, they move against others in aggressive intimidating behaviors. Becoming overbearing and intimidating to get heard and get their way, they can become bullies.
What is Avoided: Since they need to feel and appear strong, EIGHTS avoid any kind of weakness. To show weakness or inadequacy would give others power over them. They are slow to show their feminine, compassionate, kindly, gentle side. While it is easy for EIGHTS to express their anger, they find it difficult to express their tender warm emotions or their fragile feelings like fear, sadness, and embarrassment. Being comfortable with moving against others, they find it difficult to move towards or away from others.
Defensive Maneuvers: EIGHTS ward off any tender feelings or manifestations of weakness by denial. They simply deny any presence of what they consider to be weakness, such as kindness, considerateness, sensitivity, etc. They debunk and put down any show of sentimentality, suffering, error, etc.
Childhood Development: Some EIGHTS may have had caretakers who were aggressive or abusive, and so they learned how to fight by imitating them. They learned that the world was a hostile or unjust place and the way to survive was to be tough and make sure you were treated fairly. If they had to seek vengeance or get even to maintain the balance of power, then so be it. Mistrusting incompetent authorities, EIGHTS felt secure when they were in control. They understood they had to stand up for their own rights and not count on others to do so for them. They learned they had to stand up to people.
Non-Resourceful State: When EIGHTS are under stress, they try to be tougher, more aggressive, more in control. If their influence doesn’t work on others, they may turn their power against themselves, beat up on themselves, get depressed, and withdraw. Instead of exploding, they implode their energy and isolate themselves. They may feel inadequate and unable to influence the situation. They may intellectualize instead of sympathize. They may exaggerate their independence even more and not let others support or comfort them.
Resourceful State: When EIGHTS are in a resourceful relaxed state, they believe that the world is just and that justice will come about without their having to seek vengeance. They trust others and respect their rights as much as they demand respect for their own rights. Assuming an attitude of innocence, they use their power to build others up and help them vs intimidating or debunking them. In touch with their tender gentle side, they are compassionate toward themselves and others. They personify the saying: There is nothing stronger than true gentleness and nothing gentler than true strength. I am therefore I am powerfully present replaces Yeah, though I walk through the Valley of Darkness, I shall fear no evil, for I am the meanest SOB in the valley.
Type Seven
Personality Style SEVEN: The Joyful Person
Core Value Tendency: SEVENS are attracted to and value joy, variety, and excitement. They desire to be happy persons, seeking to make the world a more delightful place to live in. SEVENS want to taste and experience all the possibilities life has to offer. Having fun and being positive is what life is all about.
Adaptive Cognitive Schema: The objective vision that keeps SEVENS aligned with their true nature and with reality is the realization that reality exists only in the here and now and reality unfolds through action and work in the present. Perspiration is as important as inspiration. Living in accordance with what is, with the objective plan of the universe is more satisfying than living out of one’s own unrealistic plans and fantasies.
Adaptive Emotional Schema: The condition that accompanies the SEVENS’ objective paradigm is sobriety, which involves a sense of proportion. Sobriety means living a balanced life in the present moment. The sober person takes in only as much as is needed and expends only as much energy as is called for. Fulfillment comes from living a temperate reasonable life-style. Happiness is the result of living and working in the present.
Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: Persistent work in the present and bringing projects to completion are behaviors that flow from responsible action and the virtue of sobriety. Work and play become indistinguishable when you do what you love and love what you’re doing. SEVENS have a great appreciation for life and want to celebrate and enjoy it. Able to find some good in everything, they have a childlike responsiveness to the world. Optimistic, vivacious, creative, and full of interesting ideas, they have an intuition for future possibilities and are great visionaries. They have a sense for what might go right, what will be a happy outcome.
Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When SEVENS exaggerate their joyful qualities, they over-identify with the idealized self image of I am O.K. To compensate for a maladaptive belief that their options are limited and they are on the verge of being bored or depressed, they overindulge the pleasure principle, seeking to maximize enjoyment and minimize pain. They dislike having their options limited by the reality principle that says they must accommodate to what is and occasionally do what they have to do vs only doing what they want to do. They become compulsively optimistic, seeing the world through rose-colored glasses. They become addicted to highs and only want to have good experiences. By staying up, SEVENS try to avoid every feeling down.
Maladaptive Emotional Schema: By believing they must stay above and ahead of pain, SEVENS experience the passion of gluttony, if a little pleasure is good, more enjoyment is better. SEVENS develop a hedonistic approach to life seeking to spice up their life by having ever more interesting and exciting experiences. They opt for a fun-filled if not a fulfilled life.
Maladaptive Behavioral Schema: Perceiving the world as their oyster and fostering a glutinous life style, SEVENS are driven to make things more exciting and fun. They overindulge their imaginations, coming up with fantastic schemes and plans. They keep proposing new options and possibilities. They find it difficult to stay with one project or relationship for a long period of time. They may flit from one interest to another, filling their lives with fluff.
What is Avoided: Because they are trying hard to be happy, SEVENS avoid experiencing or expressing any pain or suffering. When something or someone ceases to be fun, SEVENS may drop them and move on to more novel adventures. They get nervous when they only have one thing to attend to or only have one option available. They don’t believe any good can come from quiet and darkness and instead seek distractions and light, whether it be light-hearted or light-headed. They avoid getting too heavy or serious.
Defensive Maneuvers: SEVENS avoid suffering and pain through sublimation. They program their computers for pleasant experiences and nothing computes or reaches them that’s not nice. They look for the silver lining in dark clouds and make sure everything comes up roses. Like alchemists, SEVENS turn dross materials and drab circumstances into precious experiences and happenings. Even death becomes an interesting trip.
Childhood Development: SEVENS learned that a little sugar helps the medicine go down and honey gets you what you need faster than lemon can. A cheerful pleasant disposition pleased their parents and got them approval. Entertaining others and being the life of the party brought its social rewards. SEVENS may not have experienced much pain or humiliation in their childhood, or if they did, they laughed at their hurt instead of being brought down by it. They found that people were more interested in their stories than in their pain so they became master storytellers.
Non-Resourceful State: When SEVENS are under stress, they may intellectualize, spiritualize, sublimate, and plan more to avoid confronting painful situations. They get further into fantasy and farther from doing. They may try to avoid work more, distract themselves, and attempt to lighten things up. If all of the above don’t work, they may get resentful, critical, and disappointed that reality is raining on their parade and their fantastic expectations aren’t being met.
Resourceful State: When SEVENS are in a resourceful relaxed state, they channel their energies and stay focused vs scattering and getting distracted. They say to themselves: “I am wise and perceptive” instead of I’m a lightweight. They put their creative bursts and inspirations into a system and structure. They stay with a project or interest, going deeply into it, until they really understand and savor the experience instead of being a dilettante. Now able to be still and observant, they appreciate silence and solitude. Practicing detachment and sobriety, they stay in the present taking in only as much as they need and expending only as much energy as the situation requires. I am therefore I delight replaces I have to be up to be accepted.
Type Six
Personality Style SIX: The Loyal Person
Core Value Tendency: SIXES are attracted to and value loyalty. They desire to be faithful, conscientious, responsible persons, keeping their word and honoring their commitments. They want to make the world a safer, more secure, more reliable, trustworthy place to live in. Doing your duty and honoring your traditions is what life is all about.
Adaptive Cognitive Schema: Faith is the objective principle that keeps SIXES connected to their true self and to reality. When SIXES believe in themselves and in their inner authority, they have the certitude that they are already on the side of Being. The Force is with them. They believe the universe is ultimately trustworthy and is out to do them well, not to do them in. When SIXES are in touch with their genuine self and others’ true selves, they are neither afraid nor need to prove their strength and loyalty. Courage and commitment are naturally present.
Adaptive Emotional Schema: The state that accompanies the SIXES objective paradigm is courage, an inner strength that comes from being in touch with one’s inner self and with the objective laws of reality. Courage involves taking responsibility for one’s own beliefs, decisions, and actions. It is the “courage to be” oneself. Any organism spontaneously responds to protect itself and what it values.
Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: Faith and courage lead to being semper fidelis and semper paratus, always faithful and always prepared. SIXES actively scan their surroundings for what might go wrong. They have an intuitive sense for danger and so are rarely caught off guard. SIXES respond well in emergencies because they are usually prepared for them. When crises arise, they respond spontaneously and effectively. Since SIXES are conscientious, responsible, and value doing their duty, they make excellent stabilizers and maintainers in organizations and systems. They can be trusted to be reliable leaders and faithful followers. Because they keep their word, SIXES manifest a stick-to-it-ness and their commitments can be counted on.
Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When SIXES exaggerate their loyal qualities, they over-identify with the idealized self image of I am loyal; I do my duty. To compensate for a set of maladaptive beliefs that they are not strong or faithful enough, that they may be cast out of their group, that they are likely to be harmed, they become overly suspicious and circumspect, doubting their own orthodoxy and ability to protect themselves and doubting the good intentions of others. The world is seen as a dangerous place that needs to be monitored, guarded against, and restrained.
Maladaptive Emotional Schema: As a consequence of living in an unpredictable and hostile world, SIXES experience the passion of fear. Mistrusting their own common sense and inner authority, they fear they may not be up to the task or challenge, and may let others and especially authority down. They fear the judgments and actions of authorities.
Maladaptive Behavioral Schema: Perennially perceiving the world as threatening and dangerous, and feeling fearful most of the time, SIXES adopt either a phobic or counterphobic stance. From a fearful reactionary place, they let their worries inhibit them, doubting their decisions and delaying their actions. From a counter-fearful position, they impulsively push through their fears, often recklessly pursuing, attacking, or acting out the very thing they are afraid of.
What is Avoided: Seeking to be safe, phobic SIXES avoid being rebellious or devious. Counterphobic SIXES avoid being caught off guard with no exits. SIXES avoid ambiguous ideas, positions, relationships, and situations. They want things clear and want to know where other people really stand on issues. They can be dogmatic, fanatic, vigilantes, brave and daring to compensate for feeling phobic. SIXES may avoid making their own judgments and decisions without the confirmation of someone else. They don’t trust their spontaneous reactions.
Defensive Maneuvers: SIXES ward off unacceptable impulses and behaviors by projecting them onto others, thereby keeping them away from their sense of self. Instead of acknowledging their own anger at having their inner authority encroached or disrespected, SIXES project their anger onto others and then experience the world as hostile and threatening. They give away their authority and then either fearfully go along with what they are told or challenge any external authority in a reactionary manner. SIXES may either become defenders of the faith or conscientious objectors.
Childhood Development: SIXES often had caretakers who did not wield their authority well. They may have been abusive, authoritarian, absent, overly protective, or inconsistent. SIXES learned the world was dangerous and unreliable. They developed a wary ambivalent attitude toward authority figures. Either they wanted to get authority on their side to protect them or they needed to oppose authority to protect themselves. Their “fearful mind” developed to help them sense and ward off danger, protecting them from being caught off guard or betrayed.
Non-Resourceful State: When SIXES are under stress, they trust themselves less and become more worrisome and indecisive. They might become more dogmatic and orthodox to resolve their doubts. Or they might become more suspicious of others and be more rebellious against any form of authority. They take on more projects, get busy and run around instead of dealing with their inner fears. They may assume a role or identify within some group to feel more secure, becoming devoted followers or loyal middle managers.
Resourceful State: When SIXES are in a resourceful relaxed state, they get in touch with their inner authority. They trust their instincts and have faith in themselves. They accept the responsibility for their own choices and act on them courageously. They believe they can take care of themselves in an emergency. They believe the world is on their side vs against them. They remain calm and say to themselves: “I am settled” vs I am upset. They make molehills out of mountains instead of vice versa, realizing they tend to imagine the worst, blow things out of proportion, and see danger and evil intentions where there are only inconveniences and inadvertences. They find truth in all sides of an issue vs polarizing issues into who is on their side and who is against them. I am therefore I am courageous replaces I am loyal therefore I’m O.K.
Type Five
Personality Style FIVE: The Wise Person
Core Value Tendency: FIVES are attracted to and value wisdom, knowledge, and learning. They want to understand the world and make it a more reasonable place to live in. Having insights, learning about the nature of things, and seeing how everything fits together is what life is all about.
Adaptive Cognitive Schema: The objective vision that keeps FIVES aligned with their true nature and with reality is the realization that real understanding and wisdom come from experience, participation, being involved with people and the world. And being known, seen, and revealed (transparent) is just as vital as knowing, seeing, and revealing.
Adaptive Emotional Schema: The state that accompanies the FIVES’ objective paradigm is non-attachment, which is the experience of love as flowing in and out vs being withheld from outside and bottled up inside. The energy of life flows freely into and out of the self. The detached person takes in just what is needed and lets the rest go. The world is engaged and joined for the mutual enrichment of both world and self.
Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: The combination of an appreciation of wisdom as involvement and interaction along with the state of non-attachment lead to the ability to both detach and be observant and synthetically get the whole picture as well as analytically getting to the heart or essence of the matter. FIVES inner observer or fair witness is well developed allowing them dispassionately and objectively to consider situations and events. They can put together disparate pieces of information into a unified system and distill complex situations into concise insights and pithy statements. FIVES can move ideas and images around in their head facilely. They can communicate clearly and succinctly. They are comfortable with solitude.
Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When FIVES exaggerate their intellectual qualities, they over-identify with the idealized self image of I am wise and perceptive. To compensate for the maladaptive belief that they don’t know enough to act assuredly and assertively and so are inadequate, and to keep themselves safe from criticism, they try to be wise and invisible. FIVES don’t want to look foolish. They move away from involvement and up into their heads. They believe if you don’t know what they’re thinking, you can’t criticize them. And if you don’t know their position, you can’t shoot them down. FIVES are overly sensitive and may exaggerate or misperceive intrusions, demands, being engulfed and taken over. They believe the world is depriving and/or intrusive. FIVES don’t want to look foolish.
Maladaptive Emotional Schema: As a consequence of moving away from the world and attempting to live solely from their own resources, FIVES experience the passion of avarice. They are greedy for knowledge and information to keep them safe and unassailable and are stingy with their ideas, feelings, time energy, etc. Operating from a scarcity mentality, FIVES hold on to what they have and withhold from others lest what they have be taken away from them.
Maladaptive Behavioral Schema: Perceiving the world as depriving and intrusive, and feeling greedy and avaricious about this uncaring state of affairs, FIVES are inclined to move away from the world, retreating into the sanctuary and privacy of their minds. They tend to be loners who view life from the sidelines. They need to understand something completely before they make a decision and act. It is difficult for FIVES to move against people and confront them to protect their space and ask for what they want. It’s also difficult to move toward people and express affection. FIVES are afraid of and avoid their feelings and go instead to their ideas. It’s hard for FIVES to stay connected or be too exposed.
What is Avoided: Because they want to appear wise and guard their privacy, FIVES avoid feeling empty or being emptied. FIVES avoid situations where they don’t know what they are supposed to do. Knowing the guidelines, the rules of the game, what is expected and allowed helps them enter the game. When they are afraid they’ll be taken advantage of, they stay out of the game.
Defensive Maneuvers: FIVES ward off uncomfortable feelings and situations through isolation and compartmentalization. To avoid feeling empty or drained, FIVES isolate themselves in their heads away from the intrusions of their feelings and other people. They separate or compartmentalize their thoughts from their feelings. That’s why when you ask FIVES what they’re feeling, they tell you what they’re thinking. They also separate one time or period of their life from another. With FIVES, out of sight tends to be out of mind vs making the heart grow fonder.
Childhood Development: FIVES may have experienced their parenting figures as being either too intrusive or too aloof and depriving. They didn’t experience their environment as empathic, as coming to them when they needed something and leaving them alone when they were playing contentedly. As a result they withdrew and began to do everything alone. By distancing and dissociating themselves from what was going on around them, they felt safer. To survive, FIVES learned to keep their feelings and thoughts to themselves. The intellectual world became more controllable and secure than the world of feelings and the interpersonal world.
Non-Resourceful State: When FIVES are under stress and do more of the same, they remove themselves and retreat further into their heads. They feel inadequate and unable to influence the situation and so withdraw. They become contemptuous of others instead of reaching out to them. They fear pain and avoid it. They rationalize or trivialize to avoid being assertive. They get into planning instead of doing. They distract themselves or space out instead of focusing, deciding and acting.
Resourceful State: When FIVES are in a resourceful relaxed state, they get in touch with their personal power and energy. They say to themselves: “I am powerful; I can do.” They move down into their body and feelings instead of up into their head and thoughts. They insert themselves in the situation, believing they can change it. They move towards and against others as well as away from them. They make contact and get engaged and learn through experience vs vicariously. They set boundaries for themselves directly rather than by withdrawing. They ask for what they need and let go of what they don’t need. I am therefore I think and I am connected replaces I think therefore I am and I think in order to figure out how I’m supposed to be and how I’m supposed to get connected.
t
Type Four
Personality Style FOUR: The Original Person
Core Value Tendency: FOURS are attracted to and value originality, authenticity, individuality, and artistic expression. They desire to be sensitive, refined persons, seeking to make the world more beautiful. They value the inner journey and are on the quest for the Holy Grail, their real self. Honoring your uniqueness and deeply connecting to others and to the world is what life is all about.
Adaptive Cognitive Schema: The objective vision that keeps FOURS aligned with their true nature and with reality is the realization that they are already original. They already are in possession of what they are searching for. The treasure is buried in the field of their inner self. They are already connected to their source, the ground of their being and so are already connected to their real self and to the real selves of others. They realize they belong in this world and are not missing anything essential.
Adaptive Emotional Schema: The state that accompanies the FOURS’ objective paradigm is equanimity, the experience of inner balance and outer harmony. A person in the state of equanimity feels complete and fulfilled in the present moment. Each moment they have everything they need to be perfectly happy. Events are responded to in a realistic appropriate manner without exaggeration or dramatization.
Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: The attitudes and actions that flow from an acceptance of one’s authentic inner nature and from a state of equanimity are an exquisite sensitivity, appreciation and respect for all that is. FOURS have an intuitive aesthetic sense and an innate sense for quality; that is, they have good taste and class. Their sensibilities put them in touch with their own and others’ moods, being especially attuned to pain and suffering. FOURS have a highly active imagination and fantasy life. They are romantic, nostalgic, and poetic. FOURS like to ritualize human experiences, making the ordinary extraordinary and the extraordinary ordinary. They can see the universe in a grain of sand and can turn a grain of sand into a pearl. FOURS easily attune themselves to the mood and spirit of their surroundings.
Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When FOURS exaggerate their sensitive qualities and uniqueness, they over-identify with the idealized self image of I am special and unique. To compensate for a maladaptive belief that they are defective and faulty, and to prevent themselves from being abandoned, they seek to be special. To survive they believe they must be highly individual and make a lasting impression on people so they won’t be forgotten. They believe they must outclass their opponents. Their habit of attention goes to what is missing instead of to what is there.
Maladaptive Emotional Schema: Constantly comparing themselves to others and consistently coming up short, FOURS experience the passion of envy. Others appear to have what they are missing: spontaneity, relationships, happiness, etc. FOURS feel melancholy, apart from the main, misunderstood. Their suffering makes them special
Maladaptive Behavioral Schema: Perceiving the world as abandoning, and feeling envious of others’ qualities and possessions, FOURS are driven to make themselves special and uncommon. They become dramatic, moody, misunderstood, tragic romantics, pushing themselves to live at the edges of experience. Fantasies become more satisfying than real life. Relationships are passionately engaged in and just as intensely pushed away. Seeking connections, FOURS fear abandonment, and become aloof and feel alienated.
What is Avoided: Because they want to be special, FOURS avoid being ordinary. Being common, just like everyone else, is the worst thing FOURS can imagine. Living within the middle range of experience, without extreme highs and lows, is boring and deadening.
Defensive Maneuvers: FOURS steer away from being ordinary through uncommon experiences and expressions. No one feels as deeply as they do, no one experiences life in the same way they do. Mere words are not enough to express their responses; they need poetry, music, dance, painting, some kind of artistic sublimation to capture their experience.
Childhood Development: FOURS often felt abandoned or unwanted by a parent or caretaker. They believed this was because there was something wrong with them or they weren’t good enough. So they tried to make themselves into special persons that would be noticed and not left behind. If they made a strong emotional impact, others wouldn’t leave them. FOURS thought of themselves as living at the extremes, at the edges, instead of in the middle with everyone else. Very early on they felt different from others, as though they were delivered to the wrong planet.
Non-Resourceful State: When FOURS are under stress, they do more of the same, that is, they exaggerate their moods, feel more misunderstood and hurt, and become aristocrats in exile. They turn their anger on themselves and get more depressed. FOURS get stuck in their feelings instead of letting them energize them into constructive action. Denying their own needs and helping others instead of dealing with their own pain, they become suffering servants.
Resourceful State: When FOURS are in a resourceful relaxed state, they seek and find wholeness within them. They get connected to their real feelings vs abandoning themselves then looking for fulfillment from someone else. They stay in the present and realize that right now they have all they need to be perfectly happy. They aren’t missing anything. They re-own their goodness. Taking an action oriented, problem-centered approach, they stay with the facts and don’t exaggerate their emotional response or amplify the stimuli. They maintain their equanimity. They believe they are already original, connected, and belong. They understand they are home and already have what they are looking for. I am and so I am both unique and universal replaces I am special therefore I am somebody.
