The first time I heard about the Enneagram was in my parents’ living room about eight years ago. My mom, a Four, had recently become a little obsessed and printed off descriptions of every number. She thought she had me pegged as a Two. Or maybe a Nine. (As an aside, you’re not supposed to type other people; figuring out your Enneagram space is a personal process. I’ve heard an Enneagram instructor even suggest trying on a number like an outfit; wear it around for a while and see how it fits. If it’s a little wonky, try on another one. She herself wore around the Two for a whole year before settling in as a Four.) Even though you should let people discover their number on their own, it’s hard not to at least wonder what your offspring might be, so my mom handed me the description of a Two.

As I read it over I could see parts of myself. I’m caring and kind and generous, I thought. Yeah, this could be my number. Then she handed me a description of a Nine, and a sentence into reading it I knew I’d found my Enneagram home: the Peacemaker. It’s not that I couldn’t see myself in the description of a Two anymore (in fact, Nines often have a hard time figuring out what number they are because they can easily see themselves in every number—and Twos in particular have some very similar qualities), but the Nine struck a deep chord.

The Beauty of Nines

Calm, content, even-tempered, and most of all, conflict avoidant, the Nine fit me. As Nines, we come across as easygoing, but it takes a lot of energy to maintain that calm exterior. We work hard to keep our inner peace by putting up barriers that both protect us from the storms threatening us from the outside world and that also keep upsetting thoughts and feelings from bubbling up inside of us, particularly anger. As such, we prefer to let life take its course and we will do whatever we can to keep the boat from rocking. The most telltale marker of this is the Nine’s desire to avoid conflict at all cost, fearing that any clash may put our relationships and our sense of peace at risk. We like to be comfortable, physically and emotionally. In other words, Nines are hobbits and happy to be so.

There are wonderful things about being a Nine. In Alice Fryling’s book Mirror for the Soul, she reflects that Nines remind us that God is peaceful. Nines have the potential to be great mediators and listeners, seeing both sides of an issue, and also bringing a calming presence to the people around us. We love easily and are slow to judge others, preferring to allow people the freedom to get where they’re going at their own pace. Sounds pretty great, right? (At least, as a Nine, this sounds pretty great to me!)

I know it’s true of myself that I am quick to listen and slow to judge. I’m easy to get along with and have been told many times in my life that I’m a good and empathetic listener. I put people at ease and help them feel heard. I also know how to be diplomatic, and when two people are heated, I can easily phrase points of view in such a way as to keep hackles from rising. I have found, particularly with complex family dynamics, that this can be a great gift to those around me. It’s also exhausting, however, because I would much prefer that we all just get along all the time.

The Ugliness of Nines

Which leads me to the fact that those same things that are so lovable about being a Nine are also our weaknesses. As Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile explain in their book, The Road Back to You, “Any number’s blight is merely a distortion of that number’s blessing.” A Nine’s besetting sin is sloth, which reveals itself in myriad ways. Nines can ignore, or even stomp down, our own dreams, desires, and opinions, fearing that to do otherwise might risk conflict with the people we love (what if their desires come up against our own?). We also procrastinate in making decisions and completing tasks by distracting ourselves with just about anything else, most often with things that take the least effort and offer us the most comfort. Nines (at least the average and unhealthy ones) are not fully engaged with life; we are out of touch with our emotions, particularly anger, that might force us to acknowledge our desires and tap into the drive we need to achieve them.

I remember that when I was a little girl I once needed to ask some adults in my life to tell me adjectives that describe me for a school project. I don’t remember every word I was given, but I do remember one: space cadet. It came from a neighbor friend, and it wasn’t very flattering, which is probably why it sticks out in my head, but it was also true. And still is. My family lovingly calls my moments of daydreaming “talking to the fairies.” Spacing out is how I’ve always coped with life; it’s easier to withdraw into my own mind than to confront whatever is overwhelming me.

My fear of conflict has even become paralyzing at times. Things that other people would see as insignificant I turn into huge roadblocks, fearing that confronting the issue would put my relationship with another person at risk. And for the past year or two, the world at large has been full of conflict, not to mention my own life. It’s been hard for this Nine to stay awake and engaged when there is potential for confrontation around every corner. I have a hard time keeping my foot on the gas pedal of life when it’s so much easier for me to put on cruise control.

That is all a hard pill for me to swallow. I know that God has given me unique gifts, not just as a Nine, but as me, Katie. I know I have a tendency to ignore those gifts because it gives me the impression of peace. But really it’s coasting. In The Road Back to You, Cron and Stabile say, “The absence of conflict is not the presence of peace, which requires work and risk.” Allowing myself, or even more, allowing God to awaken dreams and opinions and ambitions in me is a real challenge—one that I feel ready to move into when I’m healthy, but when I’m not, I get stuck in my own inertia.

On the other hand, in terms of how I relate to God, the Nines have a unique advantage. Christianity is filled with mystery—mystery that sometimes seems paradoxical. I have always been okay with paradox; I can hold it in each hand and easily say, “Both of these things are true,” without hesitation and with wonder, seeing it from all sides and every angle. This comes from my God-given nature as a Nine.

Finding My True Self

I am still coming to fully understand all my Nine-ness—how it has shaped me and how I can move into my “true self” (as the Enneagram teaches). The Enneagram is a tool to move you forward, not a destination at which to land. I recognize my tendency to sit in my inertia, and my distractibility from the task at hand when I do attempt to get things done. I also know that, irony of all ironies, I have lost at least one friendship because of my inability to handle confrontation. I’m still on the path to real peacefulness—both naming and working toward my desires and truly facing conflict when it arises. It’s hard, and I’m no expert, but the Enneagram has helped me face parts of myself I am not sure I could even name before.

One passion that I have tapped into is my love of reading. It could certainly aid and abet my slothfulness—what could be better for a Nine than sitting on the couch and drifting into the real or imagined lives of other people? But instead it’s propelled me into some creative pursuits that push me out of my comfort zone. Two years ago I started a YouTube channel where I talk about books, and I have a similar account on Instagram. Both platforms give me an opportunity to work my creative muscles, talk about something I love, and even face some conflict head on (How do I handle it when someone hates a book I’ve recommended? How do I respond when someone leaves me a nasty comment on one of my videos?).

I didn’t start talking about books on a public platform in order to lean into those aspects of being a Nine that need reconciling, but that has been the biggest benefit of doing so. I’ve pursued something that I love with intentionality and drive, a feat in its own right, and I’ve been challenged to be forthright with my opinions, which often brings about conflict, albeit mostly on a small scale and sometimes only imagined. Still, those are real achievements for a Nine—especially this Nine!

It would be a lie to say that I have come to a place of complete health. I slip and slide around the healthy and unhealthy spectrum of Nine-ness. And I definitely still fear conflict most of the time. But I also recognize the gift of being a Nine; it does have its perks. Being introduced to the Enneagram has helped me to better understand myself, appreciate the gifts that Nines bring to the kingdom of God and my relationship with the Lord and with those around me, and begin facing and working through my sloth and conflict avoidance. I have far to go, but I don’t feel like I’m journeying blind, either.

Let me start by saying that I’m not an Enneagram expert—far from it actually. I still feel like I’m learning exactly what it means to be a type Eight. When I was first hearing about the Enneagram I had lots of questions and doubts about what type I was. I took a bunch of different tests a ton of times, and even though I tested as an Eight the majority of the time, I wasn’t convinced.

If I’ve learned anything about the Enneagram it’s this: this is a tool for understanding yourself better, for making yourself more aware of who you are and how you interact with others. This tool should make us people who are better able to partner with Jesus in loving ourselves and loving others, not put us in a box and make us feel trapped!

As I’ve learned more about Eights I’ve realized that they are generally self-confident, confrontational, strong, assertive, honest (sometimes brutally), and decisive people. When I read that description now I feel like it pretty accurately describes me, but if you’re looking for someone else who’s also an Eight to compare this description to, think Donna Meagle from Parks and Rec. She gives off an intimidating, my-way-or-the-highway kind of vibe, but once other characters get to know her, she becomes fiercely protective and challenges her friends to be the best versions of themselves. She expects those in positions of power to do their job well and she won’t accept anything less than that. (Also, if you don’t know who Donna Meagle is then you should rearrange your priorities and make time to watch Parks and Rec. It’s amazing. Knowing that I’m in the company of Donna as a fellow Eight makes me so proud because she is #hilarious.)

Eights are primarily driven by their desire to be in control of their environment, especially the people around them. When Eights are healthy they are confident in themselves as well as their ability to take control in any situation, driven, and natural leaders. They are great champions for others, pushing those they care about to be the best that they can be. But when Eights are unhealthy or feel threatened, they can become egocentric, domineering, and manipulative.

I have seen all of these qualities in myself at one point or another. But when I was trying to figure out my Enneagram type, the thing that kept deterring me from believing I was an Eight is that Eights are very guarded people. They use their strong and self-confident nature to put up a front and often struggle with being vulnerable because it means letting go of the control they crave and letting others in. I just felt like that wasn’t me. I always viewed myself as a vulnerable person, willing to share exactly what was going on internally with those around me.

But as I learned more about my type and became more aware that Eights tend to shy away from vulnerability, I started to notice that when I felt out of control of a situation, all of these walls would go up and suddenly I wasn’t this vulnerable person that I thought I was. Knowing my Enneagram type in those situations is so helpful, because I’m able to recognize what’s happening and attempt to work through it. For me, working through it usually involves admitting I was wrong, and I really don’t like doing that because it means giving up control. It’s been really helpful to work on this in relationships where I have a lot of trust, where I know the person who I’m speaking with isn’t going to say, “I told you so,” or make me feel bad about being in the wrong. As I’ve practiced this with people like my husband and my closest friends it’s made these types of conversations easier in other areas of my life as well.

I have to be honest. People that know me know that I’m a very confident person. I believe that I have a lot to offer the kingdom of God as an Eight, but the majority of you don’t know me, so it feels weird to be writing about what strengths I bring to the kingdom of God. I don’t want to come across as prideful, but the reality is, I do believe that Eights have a lot of strengths to offer the body of Christ and I possess some of those strengths! As an Eight I am really good at challenging people, asking them good questions, and urging them to overcome obstacles to take risks and reach their fullest potential. As a full-time campus minister I am able to challenge my students to listen to the Lord and actively respond to what he is revealing to them. I’ve recently been working with a student who wants to reach Black students on our campus. Some fears, doubts, and barriers are keeping her from being excited about fully diving into this new challenge, and I’ve been able to walk with her through that, praying with her and urging her to see what it could be like if she took this risk and started this new small group. I know that part of this is just being a good campus staff, but I believe that my Eight-ness contributes to being able to challenge and spur her on in this new mission.

Because I struggle with a desire to be in control, especially of people in my life, I have to be very careful that when I’m challenging others, I check my own desires and make sure I’m challenging them to pursue what God has for them and not what I have for them. Sometimes as an Eight, I’ve decided that X is what someone else should do, and I push and push and push for that to get done, when in reality I’m just advancing my own agenda, not the Lord’s. I have to be aware of my desire to be in control of others and really, really listen to what people are telling me. There have been times in my campus staff work when I just kept challenging students who told me they wanted to step down from a leadership position instead of really listening to them and to their hearts. Sometimes, not doing X is the right thing, and that’s something I really need to be aware of as an Eight.

Sometimes I also feel like I’m in a constant battle with myself. My human desire is to control, manipulate, and dominate and, well, with Jesus that doesn’t really work. My truest desire is to let him be in control of my life and surrender all of myself and my plans to him, but this human desire to control all people and aspects of my life takes over a lot. I have to remind myself to remember that Jesus is in control, that his plans are best, and that I need to trust him. Remember when I said Eights struggle with being vulnerable? Sometimes it’s even challenging for me to be my full self with Jesus, but when I realize that I can be, I experience so much freedom.

In my relationships with others I have to be aware of my intensity. Sometimes my need and desire to control can come across as being a bit over the top. I like to be right, I like when people pick my decisions over others, and I like when my plans and my direction are valued and pushed forward because it means that I have maintained control. But I also need to learn to be okay when that doesn’t happen, and to practice not shutting down or bullying people into choosing what I want. This can honestly be really hard for me, but becoming aware that I struggle with these things has been really helpful.

Knowing my Enneagram type has made me more self-aware. Now when I’m experiencing tension when something isn’t going the way that I planned, I’m able to realize that my Eight-ness is showing. My fear of being out of control is coming out and I have to watch my tone, my motivation, and my reactions. I am also more able to live into the good parts of being an Eight. I know I’m good at challenging people and inspiring them to take risks, so I live into that in my job and my relationships. I know I’m good at helping people live into their full potential, so I strive to help them reach that. I know that it’s helpful that I’m decisive, so I try and serve in roles where I can be an asset in that way. Knowing my type allows me to serve in a way that hopefully honors and glorifies God.

If you relate to any of the things I’ve talked about in this post, you might be an Eight. But you could also be another type as well. My best advice is to take your time in figuring it all out. You’re still growing and maturing and developing as a human. As you pursue figuring out what type you are, try not to box yourself in or wrap your identity up in one single type. You may possess a lot of or even all of the traits of your type, or there may be parts of the description that you really feel like don’t describe you. Either way is okay. Your number doesn’t define who you are. You’re still you, beautifully and wonderfully made by Jesus, and this is just a tool for helping us learn more about who he made us to be.

Several years ago my wife Jessica and I moved our family of four into a new apartment. At first it seemed like a fine place, but upon closer inspection (which wasn’t an option until we moved in), we realized that it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. The dishwasher was broken. A couple windows were calked shut. The toilet wouldn’t stop running.

Worst of all was the carpet. It was, in a word, disgusting. The previous owners had owned a cat they never told us about, and had a propensity to never ever clean up after said cat. Jessica (who is a Perfectionist ONE—remember them?) was repulsed, and for good reason. The place had started to stink. When we stepped on certain sections of the carpet, clouds of dirt would puff up. The bottom of our kids’ feet, after walking around the place for several minutes, had turned black. To top it all off, we’d signed a lease accepting the place as it was, and we had no money for new carpet.

“What are we going to do?” asked Jessica, holding back tears of frustration.

And then I uttered the phrase that would haunt me for years.

I looked my distraught wife in the eyes, shrugged, and said, “Just don’t look down.”

Yes, I’m a SEVEN on the Enneagram, through and through.

Life Is Wonderful as a Seven, Even When It’s Not

We Sevens love life—we are cheerful, enthusiastic, and positive. Our nickname is “the Enthusiast,” and it fits our idealism, passion, and fun-loving nature perfectly. When you encounter a Seven you feel better about life because our humor, self-deprecation, and winsomeness are infectious. Think Amadeus Mozart, Walt Disney, Jennifer Lawrence: all likely Sevens.

Kids love an adult who is a Seven; they gather around us at parties because we ask great questions (we love the fact that our curiosity makes people feel great about themselves). Our most basic desires are to be satisfied, content, and happy, so our mission is to make sure other people feel those ways too. It’s wonderful to be with a Seven, and it’s wonderful to be a Seven.

The fact that life is not always wonderful is where things get complicated.

Dancing Through Life, No Matter the Cost

The realities of our cruel world, strained relationships, and personal brokenness (not to mention disgusting carpets in apartments we are stuck in) do not jive with a Seven’s desire for happiness and peace. Because of that, we are driven to avoid these things at all costs. This means Sevens try to fix things as quickly as possible, even if that means applying a Band-Aid instead of really addressing the wound. We gloss over difficult situations, skimming over the surface of hurt in order to keep from sinking into the painful realities around us. And we can always find the silver lining, no matter how thin. The glass is always half full, even when it’s three-quarters empty. “It gets better” is our rallying cry.

And if all else fails, “Just don’t look down.”

Because the world is full of pain and we hate pain, Sevens will seek out pleasure and are thus also prone to addictive behaviors. Alcoholism, drugs, addictions to food and sex—we are well versed in all the vices. Our Seven-ness works against us as people confront us with our addictions and we respond with obtuse surprise, cheery denial, and assurances that we are working on it, no problem, everything will be fine soon. Oh, we’re good at this.

Hope and Healing for a Seven

While a broken and unhealthy Seven (not unlike any other broken person on the Enneagram) not only damages themselves but also the people around them, a redeemed Seven is a sight to behold. They know how to channel the energy they’d normally put into being happy into bringing joy instead. Instead of living in a constant state of FOMO, they know how to be content in any circumstance and invite others to do the same. They have eschewed addictions and embraced living life to the fullest and deepest. And they have learned to live in a state of authentic gratefulness for every good thing in their lives.

If you are a Seven and are wondering how to get to the place where you are bringing health to yourself and others from the deepest parts of you, let me suggest two things.

​1. Fast

A Seven desires to get: get comfortable, get attention, get full, get happy. One antidote to this is to make purposeful strides to give things up. The most effective way I’ve found to heal me from my broken Seven tendencies is to fast.

This has mostly looked like fasting from food, as the Bible, and Jesus himself, instructs. When I purposefully give up my most basic need for a meal, a day, or even several days in a row, my addiction to serving myself is interrupted. In fact, each time I fast, that addiction to self begins to dissipate altogether.

In recent years I have gotten creative in my fasting to further break my addiction to self-serving comfort. I have gone on months-long breaks from media, social or otherwise. I’ve fasted from spending money on anything but basic needs. And last year I took two days off of work and blindfolded myself for the entire time in order to fully submit myself to God and see only what he wanted me to see. It was the longest 48 hours of my life, but as I gave up even the most basic of comforts, I gained insights into my life I never would have in my normal routine of living as easy as possible.

2. Look Down

Jessica’s response to me when I told her to “just don’t look down” changed me forever (no joke—when I tell people about the most life-changing moments of my life, this one is always on the list). She looked right back at me and said, “Maybe you can live your life like that, but I can’t. I look down.”

Sevens need to look down too. Living in denial of pain and brokenness might help us feel better for a short while and meet our need for comfort and happiness temporarily. But it’s just not real. Entering into the pain is actually a way for Sevens to achieve great joy, as we have the opportunity to join in the work of making our world a better place (or, in my case, calling the landlord and working out a way to pay a bit more rent in exchange for new carpet). Our deepest desires for true comfort, harmony, and satisfaction can only be satisfied if we get to those places through the pain instead of around it.

A healthy Seven is an amazing force for good. But we have to get serious about entering into the real world, having real conversations, and pursuing real joy.